My mouth quirked. “Like my own personal fidget toy?”
“Mmhmm. Whatever you need.”
I wanted badly to believe he’d be what I needed outside of this moment, but that was too big for me to even fathom right now, so I rested my hand on his and let that be enough. As the miles ticked by, I rubbed my fingertips on his palm, curled my fingers around his, and traced every line on his hand. Having my skin on Amir’s eased my stress like nothing else. My focus narrowed down to the feel of his calluses, his fluttering pulse, the heat building every time I ran the pad of my finger up and down the length of his middle one.
“Fuck,” he muttered, shifting in his seat.
My gaze flicked to him. “Is this okay?”
His exhale was ragged. His answer was clipped. “I told you it was.”
I was bothering him. Crap. That was the last thing I wanted to do when he’d gone out of his way to comfort me and drop everything to drive me down here. I started to withdraw my hand, but he grabbed it, curling his fingers around mine.
“Don’t,” he uttered lowly.
“Don’t?”
We stopped at a traffic light, and Amir faced me fully. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you? You’re touching my hand and I feel like I’m going to come in my pants like a kid. That’s what you do to me, Zadie.”
I covered my mouth with my other hand. “Then I should stop.”
His blazing gaze held mine. “Don’t you dare. I haven’t felt your skin in three weeks. If this is all I ever get, I am taking every second of it.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
Amir held my hand the rest of the way to my mom and Max’s house, only he was the one doing the rubbing. It started with his index finger grazing my knuckles, then his thumb stroked the soft pad of my palm. He pressed in places I’d never known about, and caressed other places he’d discovered while we were together. Those places had me trembling as we pulled into the driveway of a home that still didn’t feel like mine.
“You’re good, Zadie. I’m here. I’ve got your back.” He touched his lips to my wrist then my palm before letting me go. He hopped out of the truck, circling the front to open my door and help me out. Standing in front of him, it was as natural as breathing to fall into his chest for a long, desperately needed embrace. Then he walked me to the house with his palm between my shoulder blades.
Eli opened the door for us before we even knocked, and I surged into his arms. He curled around me, shoving his face in my shoulder.
“You came,” he mumbled.
“Of course I did. I’m here. Don’t worry.”
I’d been crumbling on my way here, but once I saw Eli’s worried face and tired eyes, that was done. I’d be his pillar to lean on. I was his big sister, after all, even if the title was relatively new.
He let go of me and shook Amir’s hand, then guided us into the living room to see my mom and his dad.
They were snuggled together in an oversized armchair, covered in a furry throw. Max was bald now, but he wore a knitted cap on his head to keep in the warmth. His cheekbones knifed at his skin, so sharp, they seemed like they were threatening to poke through. My mom’s skin was sallow, and the rings around her eyes rivaled Saturn’s. But when she spotted me, her smile was nothing but pure delight.
“My daughter’s come to see her old, ailing mother.” She held out her arms to me, and I went, collecting another fortifying hug. Then she spotted Amir, lingering by the door, and held her arms out to him too. “Come here, my love. I’m sorry you have to see me this way, but at least you have the memory of me looking well rested.”
Amir crossed the room and was given the Felicity treatment of being hugged and fawned over. Then he met Max, who also promised he didn’t normally look so much like “dog shit.”
I knelt in front of my mom’s chair, holding her hands. “What happened?”
She wrinkled her nose. “You know me, I’m go, go, go, then I crash. Well, the thing is, I haven’t really been able to crash lately.”
Max raised his hand. “My fault. My girl can’t stop worrying, and I’ve been having some bad nights. She won’t leave me alone for it—”
Mom rolled her eyes. “As if I would. Don’t even bring that up again.”
His eyes roamed over her like she was his beginning and end, his every-damn-thing. And this was why I was able to love Max, despite the way their relationship had started. He always looked at her like that.
“But you need to rest during the day if you’re going to do that, babe. I can’t have you fainting at the grocery store,” he admonished gently, but firmly, exactly what she needed.
“I’m here for the weekend, so whatever you need, I’ll do. I’m here to be at your service while you rest. And I’ll come back as much as you need,” I promised.