I didn’t know how not to be pissed. She should have called me. I would have handled it. She never should have been there alone. Jesus, my sweet Zadie, in a frat house, carrying a bat. The image of her like that got me hard and made me want to explode in helpless rage.
When I didn’t say anything, because I was putting all my energy into not shaking her and telling her she was not allowed to take chances like that ever again, Zadie sighed and slumped in her chair.
“Well, it’s over now, so that’s good,” she said softly.
Julien’s eyes were on me, but mine were on Zadie’s feet. Her ankles were crossed. She wore red Chucks she made look girly and dainty. That only served to push me further into my head where the rage and terror mixed.
Zadie rose from her chair abruptly. “You know what? I just remembered something I have to do. Study for a test, I mean. I’ll see you soon. Be well.” She patted Julien’s hand, then rushed out of the room without a backward glance.
Like that, she had disappeared. An apparition that would forever haunt me if I didn’t act. I just stared at the door, not moving. Because my head—my fucking head—wouldn’t let me. It was throbbing, but for once, not in pain. I couldn’t find the center of my thoughts or even ascertain how to feel. There was too much whipping me left and right. Zadie in danger, not leaning on me, her bravery, her pride. Zadie barely looking at me. Not touching me. Not being mine. Fuck, she wasn’t mine, as much as I declared she was.
“Dude, go after her. Tell her you’re proud.” Julien yawned, then he winced, bringing his hand up to touch his face, only to be thwarted by full bandages covering it.
He was right. I couldn’t let her walk out of the hospital again without saying something. I bolted from the room, spotting her near the end of the corridor, almost to the elevator. I caught her right as her hand was reaching for the button.
“Zadie.”
She whipped around, pressing her hand to her chest. “Amir.”
I stopped a foot away from her. She swallowed hard, fluttering her lashes before peering up at me.
“You should have called me.”
She frowned. “I had Helen and Elena. I didn’t need help.”
“It’s not about need. I would have taken care of it for you.”
Her teeth sank into her bottom lip. Her eyes drifted to the side. “How?”
“How?”
“How would you have taken care of it? Violence?”
I didn’t have an answer. Well, I did have one, one we both knew, but I wasn’t going to say it.
“Amir.” She took a step closer, leaving half a foot between us. “I don’t mind leaning on my friends or family when I need it. But the truth is, I’ve hidden behind them when I should have been fighting my own demons. That habit led me to you, and I don’t regret that, but I can’t keep doing it. So, I’m relieved I couldn’t call you to take care of this for me. I’m proud I handled it myself, and I did it in a way where no one else will be hurt.”
I nodded, hating everything she said, but admiring it all the same. “I didn’t say it in there because I was too stunned, but I am proud as hell. I wish I’d been there to see it, but you’re right, I would have pushed you behind me to fight your demons for you.”
“Thank you.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I think…well, I have a ways to go, but I think I’ll trust myself to recognize the battles I can fight for myself and those I truly need help with. Hopefully I won’t have too many of those, but if I do, I’ll know.”
I crossed my arms to stop from touching her. It physically pained me to restrain myself when we were this close, but I was going to do this right.
“I’ll be there. Either way, I’ll be there.”
The breath she released was high and sharp. “Amir…I don’t know.”
“You miss me?”
Her gaze snapped to mine. “Of course I do.”
Her ready admission settled deep into my soul. “There’s not been a day…a minute, where I haven’t missed you. I’m done with Reno. I’m out.”
She nodded, her lips pressed into a straight line. “Good. That’s good. I’m relieved.”
Giving in to the pull, I reached out and cupped her cheek. She shook under my light touch.
“Give me a time, when we’re not standing in a hospital hallway, that we can talk. I have some things I need to explain, and I’m hoping like hell you’ll listen.”
She covered my hand with hers. “I told you I would.”
I let her walk away this time, but only because I’d gotten her to agree to meet. I had a time, a date, a location, and still, the need to tie her down in my bed until she promised she was still mine pulled at my insides like heavy chains. The only thing assuaging my near insanity was knowing this would be the last time Zadie walked away from me.