His demand struck me as funny, so I quipped, “Should I wear my frilly apron too?”
Amir didn’t laugh. I hoped Julien had luck finding his sense of humor because boy was he devoid of one. Jeez.
“If you have one, bring it. I’ll let you know if I like it.” He tipped his chin toward the door. “Go now.”
“I’m going.” This time, nothing stopped me from breaking free into the fresh air, away from Amir’s oppressive stare and cranky demeanor. It wasn’t until I was completely out of his view that a weight lifted off my shoulders.
I could do this. Amir still terrified me at times, but four months ago, he’d let me see beneath his steely facade once, so there was no going back to the time before I knew he could be something other than dark and glowering.
I settled in his lap. He pulled me closer, my shoulder wedged beneath his arm, my breasts pressed to his chest. His warm, spicy scent assaulted my senses. God, he smelled so good, I wanted to shove my nose in his throat and inhale his flesh.
He stroked my cheek with his knuckles and held my hip with his other hand. “Tell me, little mama, why haven’t you been fucked in so long?”
Why had I said that? I hadn’t been fucked ever. I was a sophomore in college and kind of embarrassed by that, but I shouldn’t have cared what this particular man thought of me. I should have been the one judging him, for Christ’s sake. He was the drug-dealing sociopath holding me hostage, and like Helen had said, I didn’t need to have had a man’s dick in me to validate my existence as a complete woman.
But I wasn’t a badass like Helen,and Ididwant to be fucked. I wanted that experience, especially since I’d been robbed of a normal life for years.
“I’ve been busy,” I said.
He cupped my cheek. “No. That isn’t the reason.”
“I’m shy.”
His thumb fitted in the dip between my bottom lip and chin. “I believe that, but that’s not it. Tell me the truth.”
I tried to shift on his lap, worried I’d crush him. Amir’s legs were long and lean, and beneath my plump ass, they felt like steel bars. When I moved, his hold on me tightened.
“The truth is, I haven’t felt comfortable with anyone in a long time.” Or ever, but he didn’t need to know that.
He turned my head so we were almost nose to nose. “Why not?”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head, wishing I’d stayed on my love seat. This was too much.
“You know, you didn’t have to tell me you miss fucking.”
My heart stopped. I tried to avert my gaze, but Amir tipped my head until my eyes were on him again.
“What’s that about?” He used that voice again, like gritty lacquer, smooth and gruff. When he spoke to me that way, with his arms around me, his scent burned into my memory, it didn’t matter that he was my captor and I was his hostage. Heat pooled low in my belly. My thighs involuntarily rubbed together. Amir stopped breathing, no doubt noticing. “Zadie…”
“I really don’t know why I told you,” I whispered.
“Are you comfortable with me?”
“Not really.”
“Because you’re afraid of me?” His hand splayed on my belly, and two fingers found their way beneath the hem of my shirt, trailing along my tender, untouched skin.
“I don’t think I’m as afraid of you as I should be.”
His head dipped, his nose grazing mine. “Make no mistake, Zadie Night, I am the bad guy here. You feel me?” His midnight stare went hazy as I nodded. Then he pushed his hand up my shirt, flattening over my ribs. “But if you want to show me this body, know this: I will appreciate every inch of you.”
The gun on my coffee table wouldn’t let me forget he was the bad guy, but the way his hands felt on me made me want to.
“Okay.”
His exhale ghosted over my lips. “Okay?”
“Yes.”
Amir’s mouth quirked into something like a smile that was only halfway menacing. Forever passed while I held my breath for so long I was in danger of passing out from both lack of oxygen and nerves. And then finally,finally,he lowered his mouth to meet mine.