“I’m sorry, man. I love the girl. In general, she’s as high quality as they come. But I don’t like her leaving you high and dry like this.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “She hates violence.”
“She knew who you were.”
“Knowing and experiencing it firsthand are two different things.”
He clicked his tongue on his teeth. “Marco told her she was too soft for you. Her running away at the first sign things get tough pretty much proves it.”
I cracked an eye. “When the fuck did he say that shit?”
“Last night, at the club, when you were dealing with César the first time.”
“Marco needs to not run his mouth to my girl.”
“He wasn’t wrong, though. You’re not changing, we all know this.Sheknew this from the jump. So why get in deep with you if she couldn’t handle it?”
“Fuck.” I squeezed my temples, trying to dull the ache. “Everything is wrong.”
“Maybe this is good, though. You’ve been all up in each other’s business for months. A few days apart will put it all in perspective.”
“I don’t need perspective.”
He sighed, then the cushions shifted as he got up. “Sit your pathetic ass there. I’ll get you some meds.”
The next time I opened my eyes, I had another message from Zadie. It was hours later. I’d crashed on the couch after Julien had dosed me.
Zadie:Hey, I’m here at my dad’s. Everything smells really fresh. I had forgotten how fresh the air is here. I know you’re probably angry with me, and I’m sorry. But I wanted to let you know where I am.
Me:Send a picture.
The picture she sent was of the top of her head, massive trees towering behind her. Green and lush everywhere, and in the distance, a range of mountains.
Zadie:My backyard.
Me:I am mad at you. Really fucking mad.
Zadie:I know, but I had to go. I can’t think clearly when I’m with you. All I want is to be with you and consequences don’t matter. Give me this time, okay? I’ll text you pics, but I really don’t want to get into this while I’m here.
Me:I don’t like you taking my choices.
Zadie:I know you don’t.
Me:I really don’t like you taking my girl from me.
Zadie:I know that too. I’ll text tomorrow. Xoxo.
Me:XXX
I threw my phone down on the floor and closed my eyes. But when I did, I saw the beauty Zadie had come from. The beauty she’d run back to when things had gotten too ugly here. The conversation hadn’t happened, so why did it feel like I’d already lost her?