“Yeah…well, it bears repeating.”
Lock took a couple steps to the right, bracing his hands on the hood of a campus truck. A few beats passed, then he glanced over his shoulder at me.
“I do this, you screw up, we’ll have problems, Theo.”
I shook my head. “That won’t happen.”
“We’ll see. We’re a man down right now. I’ll talk to my boss about you. If you can impress him, I guess you’ve got a job.”
I wasn’t going to celebrate. This was one step. A step I should’ve taken years ago. I let myself go soft because it had been easier that way. I’d given up control to my father in exchange for security. But the security he offered was lined in lead, and it had been poisoning me for years.
“Thanks, man.”
Lock hadn’t stopped glaring the entire time I’d been in the garage. He closed the space between us, giving my chest a light shove. Light from Lock was like being hit with an anvil. I cracked my spine against the side-view mirror of the truck behind me.
“Don’t thank me until you prove yourself. And not to me. Helen’s going to be the judge of that. If you put that look on her face again, if you make her afraid or feel unworthy, it won’t matter what she says or who your father is, you and I will have words—and they won’t be gentle.” His nostrils flared as he inhaled. “You feel me?”
“If I make her feel afraid or unworthy, I’ll welcome what you bring.”
Folding his arms over his wide chest, he rocked back on his heels. “Yeah, you feel me.”
One step, that was all it was. But it was something.
Helen and Lock walked into the library study room together. She was laughing, leaning into him. He had a wide grin on his face, obviously liking my girl there, hanging on his arm.
Ugliness sat on the tip of my tongue like poison. I did not like them together. Worse, I had no say in what happened between them. Helen had barely looked at me since our talk on her steps Monday night. And when she did look, her gaze teetered between wary and pissed off. There was no forgiveness there. Then again, I hadn’t done jack to prove myself.
They both stopped in their tracks, seeing me already at the table, set up, ready to work. I swallowed the poison down, letting it writhe in my guts.
Helen raised a brow but did not disengage from Lock. “Wow, look who’s on time. Is this a new leaf?”
I grinned at her, though I didn’t feel it. “I’m trying out the school thing. We’ll see how it goes.”
She dropped Lock’s arm and pulled out the chair diagonal from mine, dropping her backpack with a thump. “Interesting. Is this a part of your five-point plan apology tour?”
Leaning on my elbow, I rubbed my chin. “Actually, it’s getting my shit together. It was high time.”
Her mouth twisted, but her eyes held mine. “Past time, Theo.”
Lock was silent during this exchange, taking his seat and turning on his laptop. Helen followed suit, giving me the cold shoulder. I spent this time tamping down the jealousy burning a hole in my stomach. It would do me no good to stake my claim, not when the last time I came to Helen, I had Abby’s lip gloss on my mouth. Helen was mine, but I had to earn the right to call her that out loud, and I wasn’t even close to that place yet.
Lock cracked his knuckles and peered at me from behind his screen. “Are you ready to present your section?”
I nodded, glancing at my notes. “As I’ll ever be.”
An hour later, we walked out of the library. For once, my group members weren’t pissed off at me, and that felt really fucking good. Not just because one of them was Helen, but because I’d worked hard this week to catch up and get where I needed to be. This was all on me, no assistance, no hiding behind someone else—my sole accomplishment.
I caught Helen’s elbow as she turned to skate off to her dorm. “Helen.”
She tugged her arm back. “Theo.”
“Can I talk to you for a second?”
Her chin lowered. “That’s all you get.”
“That’s all I have.” I stepped into her, cupping the side of her neck, then I walked her backward so we were a few feet from Lock. When she didn’t jerk away from me, I took it as a victory. “I want to give you a ride home tonight.”
“I don’t need it.”