“If I could have one last conversation with Madeline, I’d tell her I saw my first Shakespeare play within my first month at Savage U. It wasTaming of the Shrew. I’d tell her I really liked it. It even made me laugh. And though I said it a lot during the too-short time we spent together, I would say thank you. Thank you, Madeline, for showing me beauty. Thank you for believing in me and making me want more. Thank you, Mads, for being my friend. And thank you, Madeline McGarvey, for coming from a world of privilege, recognizing it, and using it to help those who don’t. I’ll do you proud, Mads. Promise.”
Helen returned to the table under a roar of applause. If the audience understood she was telling them to use their privilege for good instead of evil, it wasn’t apparent, but one could only hope. Miranda enveloped her into a hug, then my father took them both in his arms.
Sitting next to my ex-girlfriend—who was still pouting—watching this, knowing I had no business wanting to take care of Helen, butneedingto more than I needed to breathe, I’d never felt more wrong in my life.
I hung through ten more minutes of every single person in the banquet hall coming up to Helen to try to grab a piece of her. They kept coming, asking her about her time with Madeline, touching her hair, her arms, invading her grief. She kept smiling, but her eyes were darting to the side. I recognized that look—trapped, panicked, hungry to escape—and I couldn’t stop myself from surging to my feet.
Helen shook her head when she saw me move, then she shifted to give me her back. and I remembered I’d put myself here—right where I’d wanted to be.
While I ignored her, Abby got wasted. By the time I drove her home, her head was lolling on her rest and I had to help her out of the car. She clung to me as I walked her into her dorm. This wasn’t where I wanted to be, but I couldn’t leave her to fend for herself.
I propped her next to her door and held out my hand. “Give me your key.”
“Why don’t you love me, The?” Her back was to the wall, her head tipped up.
“Give me your key, Abby.”
“Answer me and I will.”
Exhaling, I rubbed the space between my brows. “We’re done, Abby. We’ve had this conversation. There’s nothing new to say. I need you to let this go. No more showing up where I am. No more shoving our fathers in the middle. I don’t know how to be more clear with you.”
Her sigh sounded more like a hiss. “It’s her, isn’t it? That...girlwith the red lips?”
“You know her name.” My patience had just about run out, but now that she’d brought up Helen, it was paper thin.
“You’re obviously not with her. She wouldn’t even look at you.”
“It doesn’t matter who I’m with or not with. You and I are not together, and we won’t be getting back together. I’d like to be able to look back on what we had and feel good about it, but you’re going out of your way to ruin our history.”
She straightened, moving into me to press her hands on my chest. “We were so good. I just wanted more. I didn’t know how to get it from you. I thought...I thought you’d see how serious I was if I broke up with you and you’d open up to me.”
I shook my head. “It was never going to happen, Abbs. I gave you all I could. I’m sorry it wasn’t enough. I’m sorry you were hurt, and maybe you’re still hurting. But that doesn’t mean we have a chance. You need to let go.”
Her brow crinkled. It looked like she was trying to work her thoughts out in her alcohol-soaked mind.
“Are you going to give her more?” She’d lost her cutting edge. Now, she just sounded sad. Her hands slid up to my neck, eyes imploring for a different answer than the one she knew I’d be giving.
“This isn’t about anyone else. You asked about me and you—that’s what I’m answering.”
“We were so good, The.” She rose on her toes, and before I could stop her, her mouth pressed against mine. I wrenched my head to the side, breaking the connection as soon as it started. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she cried.
I took her hands off me and pounded my fist on her door to let her roommates know she needed to be let in. Then I backed away, out of her reach.
“Go inside. I’m done.”
The door opened behind her, and I didn’t wait to see what happened next. I had a wrong I needed to right, and it couldn’t wait any longer.