He was too close. Too soft. The fury that had been wrapped around him and pounding into me in his car had melted away. He was almost my Theo, except my Theo wasn’t real. He never would have accused me of fucking Lock or told me I wasn’t good enough for him. This man in front of me was a stranger, and I’d learned a long time ago to never talk to strangers.
“I’ve been explaining to you since we met. You took and took my story, my history, mylife. You know things about me only my closest friends do. I’m sorry I never sat you down and laid out for you that I’ve stripped four times when I came up short on my mom’s loan repayment and it was either do that or hope to god the gangster she owed money to wouldn’treallyburn down our trailer with my sister inside.”
His inhale was harsh. “Why didn’t yousaythat?”
I lifted a shoulder. “What’s the point? You made up your mind about me. I’m not going to beg you to see me as a human when one decision—that I would make again if I had to—turned me into nothing but trash in your eyes.”
“You’re not trash. I don’t think that, and I didn’t say it. I was pissed and betrayed—”
“Nope.” My arms went tighter around me. “You weren’t betrayed. You were embarrassed, and your overinflated male ego took a hit. I didn’t betray you, Theo, and I’m not going to let you lay that on me. You can keep saying it for a thousand years, and I will never take it on.”
His jaw worked, and again, I wondered what he was biting back. “We’re never going to agree on that.”
I jutted my chin out. “We don’t need to agree. This is over.”
He stared at me. A lot of his bitterness had fallen away, leaving behind an expression I didn’t know, but recognized all the same: longing.
I felt it. God, did I feel it. I longed for us to go back to the night he’d spent sleeping with his head in my chest, covering me with his body, holding me tight. I also wished we’d never had that night so I didn’t know what I’d lost a day later.
“It never started, isn’t that right?” He rocked back on his heels, still staring at me the same way.
“That’s right. Can’t break a thing that never existed.”
Now, we were both liars. And in the broad light of day, there was no hiding it. But Theo and I, we’d perfected our facades so well, we could look in each other’s eyes and lie without flinching. I was scraped raw on the inside, but I’d never show him that.
“I gotta go.” I saluted him and started backing away. “Do your work, Theo. I won’t stop Lock from kicking your ass if you don’t.”
He said something, but I was already gone. I walked faster than I should have, but I couldn’t try to play it cool another second longer. Boys didn’t hurt me like this. I’d never let them. I’d been stupid to allow Theo inside the cracks losing Mads had left behind.
I’d learned, though, and I’d learned well.