Chapter Sixteen
Helen
Luciana barreled down the cracked path toward me.Her smile, bright, optimistic, and brave, contrasted so starkly with her surroundings, the sight of her drove a knife through my gut. We were on borrowed time. This place would dim her light every day she spent here. I’d do everything I could for her to keep it. Everything.
She hit me hard, knocking me back a step. Theo caught me and steadied us both.
“Watch it, wild woman. You’re like a little cannonball.” I stroked her waves and bent over her to inhale everything Luciana.
She let go of me to jump up and down. “I can’t believe I get to spend the night in your dorm. Every single one of my friends is jealous.” She smiled at Theo. “Do you think the boys will think I’m a college girl? Like a freshman, of course.”
He winced, the same way I did on the inside. “Nope. You look your age, little hell-raiser, and that’s a good thing. If an eighteen-year-old guy tries to hit on you, run for the hills.” He rubbed his chin. “Actually,anyguy tries to hit on you, even if he’s twelve like you, book it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Terrible advice, Theo.”
I slipped my arm around his waist. “I don’t know, I think he’s right. When you’re about twenty, like me, then you can consider having a boyfriend.”
Luc’s eyes bounced from my face to where I was holding on to Theo, then to his arm around my shoulders. I realized then this was the first time we’d been tactile with each other in front of her, and she’d noticed.
“So, are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?” Her finger waggled back and forth between us.
I pushed away from Theo. “Oh god, no, gross.”
He held his hands up. “Yeah, she’s not into me. She says I’m far too handsome for her.”
Luc’s hands went to her hips. “I don’t think that’s a valid reason not to date someone. You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, Hells.”
I hugged her again, then kept my arm around her to steer her toward Theo’s car. “I know, babe. You’re right.”
Theo cuffed under her chin, which was cute. From Luc’s wrinkled nose, she probably thought it was better reserved for a younger kid.
“Helen and I are just friends. Neither of us are into having a boyfriend or girlfriend right now. Friends are good, though, right?”
He opened the car door for her. She stopped right before she slid in, holding on to the side. “But if either of you started to be into having a girlfriend or boyfriend, you’d choose each other, right?”
Theo froze. I was behind him, so I couldn’t see his face, but I did see the tension hit his spine and squeeze his muscles taut. Yeah, that was awkward.
“Why don’t you hop in the car, kid?” Theo gave her a gentle shove. “I’m starving. If I don’t find some pizza to demolish, I’m going to eat your face off.”
Luciana accepted his dodge of her question easily, because she was Luciana. I told myself I hadn’t been waiting for his answer with even more interest than my little sister.
I wasn’t a robot. Theo and I had been doing this friends with benefits thing for well over a month. And when we weren’t fighting, it worked. God, did it work. But as hard as I raged against it, I had to admit I had feelings. Soft ones. Sweet ones. Heart-swelling ones.
I did not know what to do with feelings like that. I’d never had them before or wantedmorewith a guy.
Did I even want more? Theo gave me a lot. To be honest, I couldn’t picture whatmorewould even look like since he was generous with me in every way.
Even as I thought that, I knew it wasn’t true. Theo gave a lot, but he didn’t give himself. I’d slipped out details, important details, like my plans for Luc and me, my dad, things about my mom and my past, and Theo had been such a keen listener, it wasn’t until later that I’d realize he hadn’t reciprocated. That wasn’t to say I’d been fully open, but Theo hadn’t even cracked a sliver.
I guess that was answer enough. There were limits here, I had mine, and Theo had his. So, I’d tuck away my little tender feelings because there was no way I’d be getting my heart broken by a richie rich. Never gonna happen, no matter how twinkly his eyes were.
Theo reached across the console and squeezed my knee before backing out of his spot and heading toward the pizza shop. Yeah, we worked. My lips were sealed. My heart was behind a padlocked door.
Between Luc, Zadie, Theo, and me, we nearly demolished two pizzas. We FaceTimed with Gabe and Pen and watchedParasitewith them. Elena stopped by, sneered at Gabe and waved at Pen, stole a piece of pizza, then left like she’d never been there.
Luc was passed out in my bed and had been for an hour or so. Zadie left soon after to crash in her room. Elena was still blissfully absent. Theo and I were slumped low on the couch, our legs woven and feet resting on the coffee table. It was late, well past midnight. He should have gone home, but we were cozy, and I wasn’t quite ready to go to sleep yet.
The movieGladiatorwas playing on the TV, the volume barely a whisper. Other than that, the lights were off, so all we had was the glow to push back the dark.