His mouth fell into anO. “Are we really bringing up the past? Because I could talk about the time last week when you were incredibly mean to me. But I won’t, because I’m so nice.”
Pen turned to stare at him. “You mean the time you decided we should drive to Vegas to get married in the middle of the night and I had to say no because I want a proper wedding with our family and friends there? Was it that time?”
Gabe grinned. “Yeah. That time.”
Pen grinned back. “I love you.”
Elena groaned over Gabe’s response, hanging up on them as soon as they stopped cooing at each other long enough for us to say goodbye. I sat up when she tossed the phone aside, and she stretched out like a cat on my comforter.
“I’m stuck with him for life, aren’t I?” she asked.
“Yep. Those two are definitely lifers. Gabe’s your fam.”
She sighed. “It could be worse, I suppose, but not much.” Then she sat up and swung her legs around to the side. “Now, are you going to forgive Theo yet?”
“I’ve forgiven him. I’m working on the trust part. That’s hard as hell to repair once it's broken, and it’s not like I give trust out like candy in the first place.”
“Mmm...yeah, that would be difficult. Once people cross me, they’re dead to me.”
I snorted. “Dude, I remember you in high school. You don’t have to tell me that. You’re a savage.”
“Thank you.” She flipped her silky blonde hair behind her shoulder and went to my door, where she paused. “To be honest, high school wasn’t my best look. I’m not saying I’m no longer a savage, but I have a modicum of self-awareness now, and a small dose of chill.”
Cocking my head, I gave her a nod. “I see that.”
She finger gunned me. “Go get the boy.”
I rubbed the center of my chest. This strange feeling was my heart aching and stretching. How did I handle someone doing what Theo had done for me when he was also the source of one of my biggest heartbreaks?
Mads and I didn’t talk about boys or love. She’d been sick her whole life, so her experience on that front had been somewhat limited. But we did talk about heartbreak and living with the scars each fracture wrought.
“Get over it, Helen.”
“That’s your advice?”
“Yes, it is. Life is unfair and it can be painful. If you choose to stop instead of swimming on, you’ll sink. Do you know what happens when you sink?”
“You drown?”
“No. In this scenario, you’re a fish with gills. Sinking doesn’t inhibit your ability to breathe.”
“This is a complicated metaphor. Just tell me what happens when you sink, Mads.”
“You spend your time in the dark, looking up at those who kept swimming. And you resent that they can swim while all you do is wallow. The trick is, you could have been up there in the light, but you made a choice to fall down and stay there. Do you understand, my darling Helen?”
At the time, I’d told her I’d gotten it, and she’d been relieved. It wasn’t until this moment that I truly understood what she’d meant. I could let my hurt make me miss out on something that could be great. Or I could try again with Theo and risk being hurt again.
Hadn’t I been hurt enough? Why the hell would I sign up for the chance of more pain?
But I knew the answer to my own questions. This was Theo, the boy with twinkly eyes who cared for my sister, protected me when I broke his car, and spent night after night waiting for me in a strip club parking lot because he couldn’t stand the thought of me on a bus.
This was either going to hurt like hell or be the greatest chance I’d ever taken—and I was definitely taking it.
I held my tongue through an hour of Shakespeare. Theo seemed to have permanently stolen Lock’s seat, and I was okay with that. If Lock had a problem with it, he hadn’t expressed it, so I took that to mean he didn’t.
Theo took notes and paid attention to Professor Davis, but he kept some part of him touching me throughout the whole class. His leg pressed to mine, his arm around my chair, the brush of his thumb over my knuckle. By the time class ended, I was overheated and ready to burst.
I slipped my hand in his as we started for the stairs. He paused and stared at our joined hands. This might have been the first time I’d held his hand first. It certainly felt brand new for me, and my stomach was flippy with nerves.