“Did they know I’m here?” I asked.
“Kind of. I tried to explain it to them but left out some details about us.” He looked at the door, probably hoping someone would knock.
“I’m sorry.” I grabbed hold of his arm.
“Fuck them.”
Yeah. What kind of friends are those?
He unlatched my hand from his arm, grabbed our empty glasses, then turned up the stereo. My eyes followed him until he turned the corner in the kitchen and headed toward the dining room where the sound of him fiddling through bottles in one of the cabinets overshadowed the music for a moment. He reappeared seconds later with a bottle of whisky in hand. Then collapsed into the sofa, colliding with my side. He took a swig straight from the bottle before handing it to me.
I don’t know if I can do this.I looked down as the bottle opening touched my bottom lip. He put his hand on my thigh when the liquid made contact with my tongue, sending goose bumps throughout my body. I swallowed, then leaned back and closed my eyes to let whisky burn down my throat. Thad leaned over, grabbing onto me, and then locked his lips with mine. This was it. This was what we were both looking for. Not a soul in sight could scare us or stop us from being together. We belonged together, and he finally knew it.
I put my arms around him, pulling his body closer as I used my legs to push myself up. He repositioned himself, legs straddling my waist as his phone vibrated. But he didn’t answer. Being with me, beingonme was more important.
“What the…” A deep voice drowned out the stereo.
Thad soared into the air, revealing both of his parents standing in the foyer. My stomach ascended into my throat. This man was much larger and obviously stronger than his son. Thad raised his hands to try to explain but his dad advanced, slapping his son across the face so hard that Thad dropped to the floor. I jumped out of the couch and raced to Thad’s motionless body. Thad’s mom screamed and tried to stop her husband as he directed his gaze toward me. He reached down, grabbed me by the back of my shirt and jeans, forcing my arms to unlock from Thad’s immobile body.
What? Where?My eyes opened as I frantically searched for my glasses. My forehead was pulsating, and I felt a warm liquid running down my face. I squinted to try to sharpen my vision as I searched for my glasses but only felt the corner where two walls met. This must have been where I landed.
“Look what you did. You could be arrested. He’s only a kid,” his mom screamed from across the room.
I heard Thad sobbing as he called out my name.Please come help me, Thad. I can’t see anything. I can’t feel anything.
I finally found my glasses on the floor by my right hip. One of the temples had broken off while the other was severely bent. I pulled them in front of my face; one of the lenses was cracked in half. After trying to straighten the remaining temple, I tightened the pads to squeeze my nose so they wouldn’t fall off, then tried to pull myself off the floor.
“Get out!” his dad bellowed.
“Dad, please,” Thad blubbered as his mom held him back. Tears ran down the red mark appearing on the side of his face.
“Get out now.” His dad pointed toward the door after I finally pulled myself up and leaned against the wall, exhaling heavily.
“No. Étienne,” cried Thad, his mom still holding him back.
“Shut your mouth,” his dad said. “He’s out of here. Or you are.”
My eyes began to swell, and my throat grew sore as I watched my first love weeping on the other side of the room. He wanted me. He wanted to help me. But he was terrified of the giant standing between us. How was this the nice man who offered to help my mom all those years ago?
I stood motionless against the wall, amazed at the pain running through my body. I’d never in my life been physically abused like this. Never once been in a fight. The pain inside of me wanted to make itself heard. I wanted to scream.
“Dad stop. No,” Thad yelled as his dad took another step toward me. “Please no. Étienne, go. Go. I’m sorry, Étienne. I’m so sorry.”
There wasn’t enough force in my body to move. Despite his son’s incessant howling, Thad’s dad grabbed me with one hand as he opened the front door with the other. Then he shoved me onto the steps of the front porch before slamming the door. I could hear the screams of two people inside as my right shoulder collided with the corner of the bottom step. I was sobbing—not just from the physical pain throbbing in my head and my shoulder, but from the pain of being separated from the only person who made me feel like I was allowed to be me.
I lost him.
SUNDAY 22 JUNE 2008
26
THANK YOU, RILEY
This isn’t real.I tried opening my left eye, then my right. The sky was blue as far as I could see, except for the faint white of the moon still hanging in the morning sky. My glasses were still attached to my nose, though the massive crack and dried blood distorted my vision. My back was awkwardly curved, and my right shoulder throbbed when I tried to move. I was in my sister’s hammock.
It’s surprising my body even made it there the night before without collapsing. After spending a few minutes crawling down the steps of Thad’s front porch, I used the railing to pull myself upright, then took one step at a time until I was confident enough not to fall. I reached the corner of his street and realized that the pain in my head, shoulder, and back wouldn’t let up. My knees started to buckle. So I walked the next few blocks to my house as fast as my body would let me. I collapsed into the hammock, using the last remaining energy to adjust to a somewhat comfortable position.
Being in my own bed would have been better for my back. And a warm shower would have eased the beating in my head. But I couldn’t go in. I couldn’t chance my family seeing the dried blood splashed across my face, broken glasses clinging to my nose. My mom would have freaked out. She probably would have even called the police. No. I didn’t want that. I wanted to be left in peace.