“But um.” His voice cracked before continuing. “I don’t think you’d be comfortable here. So…”
“You mean with your friends?” I pushed myself forward to give Frankie room after he moved to my feet. Where was Thad going with this?
“No. My parents. They’re not religious, but they are kind of closed minded.” He lowered his voice.
“Closed minded about making new friends?” I pretended I didn’t know what he was trying to say, but I did.
“It’s not a joke, Étienne,” he clapped back.
I wasn’t sure if that was his way of coming out to me, without actually saying the words. But I chose not to look into it much further. I knew he liked me the way I liked him. And if that was outside of his parents’ comfort zone, I wasn’t going to push to come to his house anytime soon.
He continued to talk about it though, and how his parents had trained him over the years to carry himself with virility. Which he admitted was exhausting. I had a newfound respect for him. He’d seemed like someone who had it all—his own car, friends, parents who encouraged him and supported his athletic interests, despite steering him away from anything considered to be unmasculine. My eyes were now open to the thought that maybe everyone had it bad. Maybe everyone was battling something in their lives that only they could handle.
“At the end of the day they’re still your parents. They’ll love you no matter what,” I tried convincing him, but I don’t think it worked.
“I’m not sure about that,” he stuttered.
“I disagree,” I said before reluctantly adding, “that’s not how it was with my dad. And he was a devout Maronite.”
“A what?”
I imagined him pulling the phone away as he scratched his head. “It’s like the Arabic version of Catholicism.” I rolled my eyes.
“Oh. So, what happened then when he found out?”
“Well, I never said anything to him about it. But I know he knew from the way he spoke to me.” My heart began to throb, and I didn’t know if I had it in me to continue revealing this information.
I’d never told anyone this, but I explained to him how my dad had treated me throughout my childhood. I knew he loved me very much. He was one of those old-school Middle Eastern dads whose firstborn son was his pride and joy. But I was also the target of his incessant homophobic comments. He once walked in on me and Riley watching an episode ofWill & Gracewhen I was fourteen. Instead of asking us what we were watching, he unplugged the TV as he heard Jack’s voice, and then screamed about how faggots were doomed to the fiery pits of Hell. Encouraging, right?
“We weren’t even paying attention to the show, though,” I admitted on the phone. “I was playing on my Nintendo DS.” Yes, I had one of those. “And Riley was painting her toenails.”
During his sickness he stopped making comments about my mannerisms. I was the one taking care of him while my mom was at work. I don’t think it would have been in his favor to do that to his only caregiver, especially since I’d missed a lot of school during that time. My grades were the one thing that made him proud. Especially when I did well in science as he wanted me to become a doctor. Like all Arab fathers. Well, all immigrant fathers.
“At the end of the day,” I said, then took a breath as my eyes started to swell. “He told me that he loved me. I’m not sure if he changed his mind on the subject. But he loved me.”
I tried holding back the frog in my throat while sharing this information with Thad, but it was hard, and my voice started to crack.
Thanks for last night, he texted me in the morning.
I ended the conversation that night, remaining in the hammock a while longer, stunned that he felt comfortable enough to share his insecurities with me. I never thought someone like him could have insecurities. He made me feel like I mattered, like I was being included. And this drove me to care for him that much more.
My mom had already left by the time I woke up. I decided I’d do nothing but hang out with Frankie for the rest of my Thursday. I gave him a bath then brushed out the tiny knots behind his long ears. That’s one of the only downfalls of having a long-haired dachshund—the constant knots behind their ears. Their stubbornness is also a pain, but I could spend a whole day telling you about that, and I don’t think we have the time.
I made myself scrambled eggs for breakfast after chasing Frankie around the house to try to dry him. I shared a small portion of the eggs with Frankie before adding salt and chopped chives to my serving.
I was interrupted by my brothers before taking my last bite.Damn. Forgot they were home.
“Ooh, can we have some?” asked Callum as he took a seat at the table.
Niall came in and put on Nickelodeon before sitting next to Callum. “I want some eggs too.”
“Might as well make some for everyone,”I said after Riley walked in and grabbed the orange juice from the fridge, setting it on the kitchen table.
“Move over!” Niall waved as Riley sat at the head of the table, blocking his view of the small TV on the kitchen counter behind her.
“Ugh.” She grabbed the base of her chair and shuffled to the side a few inches while giving Niall the death stare.
Come on, Riley. Is it that hard to stand up and move your chair?