There wasn’t much traffic since it was so early in the morning, and we crossed the Ohio border with ease. I say that we crossed the border with ease due to the lack of patrol cars on the freeway. There is no real border between Michigan and Ohio, but there are always cop cars hiding in the ditches on the side of the freeway trying to catch us Michiganders driving over the speed limit. We do like to speed, especially those of us from metro-Detroit.
My phone vibrated as we neared the off ramp.Have a nice time on the coasters,texted Thad. Just this one message made my morning, rendering me more anxious to see him the next day.
“Hey. Did you guys see on the news that California is legalizing gay marriage?” Kayla interrupted the last part of our music-filled ride, which I was fine with since Dana was listening to hardcore punk. But why did Kayla bring this up now?They’ve been talking about it for weeks now,I thought, looking out my window.
“I didn’t see that,” Samantha said.
I kept quiet to observe their reactions. They were my friends and I loved them, but I really hoped they’d bring some positivity to this subject.
Dana rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I don’t care. Let them get married.”
“Well, they don’t choose who they love, so why not?” replied Kayla.
“What do you mean they don’t choose? They’re not born that way,” Dana spat.
My heart sank. How could my best friend think this way about me? I had only ever told one person I was gay—and I’ll save that for later. But if Dana said this during the conversation in the car, this was how she really felt. Maybe it was a good thing I didn’t tell her about Thad.
“Oh, come on Dana. Yes, they are. How could you choose to live a harder life and be made fun of all the time? You wouldn’t. It’s not a choice,” Samantha insisted.
“Look. My uncle’s gay. I’m totally fine with it. But because he’s gay doesn’t mean my brother and I are. It’s not like, genetic,” she replied.
Samantha raised her brows. “Dana. I think you’re talking about heredity. We’re not talking about that. We’re talking about the fact that gay people don’t choose to be gay.”
“Whatever. Let them marry if they want.”
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised by Samantha’s defense. It moved me. She was the religious person in our group. I was happy to see the way Samantha and Kayla unknowingly defended me. Yet Dana’s reaction saddened me. I had never seen this side of my friend before. Yeah, she was hot-headed sometimes, but she was usually laid-back and didn’t care about politics and stuff like that.
She knows me though. She has to know I’m gay. Come on, Dana.
The rest of the day felt like a blur. I went through the motions and followed the girls on all the rides. I tried my best not to bring the morale of the group down. But Kayla noticed I was mute while eating lunch.
“Étienne. You okay?” Kayla whispered as Dana and Samantha ran to buy a pop.
“I have a headache.” I looked down at my barely eaten food, trying to pay attention to the screams of thrill-seekers on coasters in the distance. If I wasn’t having fun, I could at least listen to other people having the time of their lives.
The fact was, I felt lost. I felt betrayed by the only person who I thought really knew me. I understood that it was a difference in opinion. But it still felt like a punch in the gut. A veil of anxiety and doubt repositioned itself over my thoughts. I had to do what I’d always done: reinforce the wall so no one could hurt me again.
The only part of the day that I really enjoyed was when I went on the Corkscrew by myself while the girls waited in line for the bathroom. Which was pretty ridiculous if you ask me. The parkdid nothave enough facilities. Come on. We all know there needs to be more. Women don’t have the ease of urinals like we men do, though I never use urinals. Standing there next to another guy with so little privacy freaks me out.
The Corkscrew was my favorite ride—my inner Eeyore couldn’t distract me while I passed through the coaster’s twists and turns. It was also my favorite because it was the first roller coaster I’d ever ridden. My dad took me on it. He hated coasters, but was afraid he wouldn’t look manly if he refused the first time I asked him to take me on it.
I sat in the back with Kayla during the ride home and remained silent, staring out the window the entire way back. I knew I was probably letting my emotions get the better of me, but I was entitled to that. Was I not?
My phone dinged as Dana prepared to merge into the right lane for the next exit on I-94.Was it busy today?Thad’s message read.
It’s him!my conscience yelled. I couldn’t believe how my mood transformed in an instant. How was that possible? How could someone I barely knew make me feel so much better?
It was whatever. Ended up being a shitty day.I clicked send even though I didn’t really want to share my state of mind for risk of him asking me what happened.
I looked ahead through the windshield from the back seat as we exited the freeway and noticed Dana eyeing me in the rearview mirror.
“Anyone want to come over for a little while? My parents are up north. We could drink,” she said, holding my gaze in the mirror.
Kayla and Samantha excitedly announced that they woulddefinitelybe joining Dana. But I still felt out of place. For the first time in the many years that I had known Dana, I felt uncomfortable being around her. And I didn’t like it.
“Can you drop me off at home? Our third round on the Millennium Force messed with my stomach,” I lied. I honestly wanted to go home, flatten my body on the bed in silence with Frankie, and stare up at the ceiling as I listened to music.The twins better not be bothering him,I hoped.
I caught Dana’s eye again in the mirror as she pulled up into the driveway. “Thanks for driving, Dana.” I sighed and waved goodbye to Kayla and Samantha as the door slammed.