I finally roll into the lot and turn off my truck, taking a deep breath and letting my heartbeat settle.
Then I shove open the door and slowly cross the parking lot, running through every argument I can come up with against her leaving.
But the only one that really matters is that I love her.
A few minutes later, I’m knocking on her door lightly. “Come in,” she calls and I take a deep breath, pushing it open.
She doesn’t look up at first. So I get a chance to see her for the first time in days. She’s paler than I like. Her freckles are standing out on her pale cheeks. She also looks like she’s lost weight. She looks fragile and delicate. And my fingers are dying to get ahold of her. Dying to hold her, care for her. Make love to her.
“Poppy?” I call, not surprised when she freezes and takes a deep breath before she looks up.
Fuck!The look in her jade green eyes. The look that I put there. Hurt.
I hurt her. And that sour feeling rises up in my belly. The one I’ve been fighting since I pushed her off me.
“What are you doing here, Dr. Knight?” she asks, her eyes dropping and her fingers pulling at the blanket.
“Can’t a guy check up on his…”. I stop. What do I call her? Nurse sounds wrong. Lover as well.
She continues to stare at the blanket and I take a deep, shuddering breath. Knowing that I’m going to have to tell her the truth if I want her to understand.
“You know I was married, right?” She nods and I see her mouth twist but she makes no other response.
“I found out after the autopsy because she was in a car accident that she was pregnant.”
Her eyes shoot up to mine and sympathy crowds the anger in her gaze. “I’m sorry. You lost them both then. I didn’t know you had a child.”
“I didn’t. We hadn’t been together for a long time before that. So that baby wasn’t mine. She was cheating on me and I didn’t know. But every single person at the hospital we worked at knew. And the rumors after her funeral were awful. I couldn’t look at any man there without thinking,is this the one?Did this guy sleep with my wife and father a child?The rumors were flying fast and furious. That hurt almost as much as the cheating and her death. Just not knowing.”
“So I left and started over here. I wanted to keep things purely professional. And I didn’t want anyone knowing about my family issues. Didn’t want all that dirty laundry to come out. Because it fucking hurt, Poppy. It hurt to fucking breathe after I found out.”
Her lips open but I shake my head. “No. Wait. It hurt. But it didn’t hurt as much as knowing that you were gonna leave. That almost took me to my knees. I’ve tried and tried to forget about what happened that night. But I can’t. I’ve missed you every day since then. Even when you’re right there in front of me, I miss holding you, touching you. Your soft skin and the amazing way your body feels when it’s wrapped around me. And the way I feel when I’m with you.”
“How do you feel?” Her wide eyes are full of tears and one slides down her porcelain cheek, breaking me. Sending a dagger to my heart.
I close my eyes and then open them, focused on her. “I feel like we belong. I feel like you’re the missing piece I’ve needed my whole life. I love you so much. I’m so sorry that I hurt you pushing you away. It wasn’t you, it was me. I was fucking scared that I was going to get hurt again. But if you leave…dammit, that will be the last hurt because I swear it might kill me. If it doesn’t, I still will never want another woman but you.”
“How do you know that?” she whispers. “You were married. You thought you loved her. Then you fell out of love.”
I shake my head desperately. “No! What I felt for her is a pale imitation of what I feel for you. Ineedyou! You burrowed into my chest and took over my heart without even trying. Every time I take a breath, I can feel yours. Every time I smile, it’s because you’ve smiled. Every damn good feeling, and some bad, I’ve had because of you. And the bad ones are all because I was an idiot and I fucking hurt you. And it breaks me that when you looked at me just now, I could see the hurt. See the damage I did to your trusting, sweet heart.”
Tears pour down her cheeks but I can see a smile tilting her lips. A shaky, very small smile. But a smile.
I walk closer to her. “Baby, if you give me another chance, I promise I’ll never hurt you again. I’ll take care of you and love you until the day I die. I will never again be scared to talk to you. Scared to be hurt. The only thing that can hurt me is if you leave and take our baby with you.”
Her face freezes and the smile disappears. “She told you.”
I sit on the edge of the bed. “She did. But I’m glad she did. Because that was the final piece of my puzzle.”
“You wouldn’t have come here if you didn’t know that. I’m just the person carrying your baby.”
“No. You’re wrong. This baby is a part of you and me. A puzzle piece that ties us together, yes. But it’s also the proof that I was in love with you even then. I have never lost my head like I did with you. You’re my weakness. And yet your love is my greatest strength. So don’t run away. Stay. Let me prove it to you. Let me show you how much I love you. Let me honor the future I can see with you.”
“I love you too, Frederick,” she whispers and I chuckle lightly.
“Thank you for not calling me Dr. Knight when you tell me you love me!”
She laughs and it’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. I lean over and kiss her soft lips and immediately that raging fire roars up between us. But this time it’s tempered, fired by our trials. Our own truths.