Chapter 2 - Gavin: Resurfaced Emotions
One month later
I had forgotten just how brutal the heart was in Riverroad. Summer was in full swing which meant that the heat in Riverroad was intense and unforgiving. I had forgotten just how scorching this place could be. The rains hadn’t come in yet, and the ground was yearning for water.
It was almost noon, and I had been in the barn since seven. With the heat accompanying the humidity, I had removed my shirt to keep cool. It didn’t work. My torso glistened with sweat as I continued to stack the bales of hay in the corner.
I heard my phone buzz off in the corner but I didn’t rush toward it. I knew that it had to be one of three people—my mother, Callum, or Tatiana—and I just wanted a little breathing room.
It had been a month since I moved back to Riverroad—my hometown. I had sworn almost a decade ago that I would never return to this place, but life had other plans for me. I was back in the same place that had broken my heart and working alongside the woman who had cut me deeper than I could have ever imagined.
Okay, maybe I was exaggerating a little bit. She just didn’t choose me when I wanted her to. She had never chosen me in the way in which I needed her to. She had been my whole world. She was like the sun, and I was a planet that orbited around her. But I had been merely an added character in her life story.
When I heard that there was an opening for a cowboy at Pete’s ranch, I decided to take the chance after Callum convinced me to come back home to clear my head. I had been spiraling in LA. After Tati, although my ego hurt, I was suddenly wide awake and aware of the life I was living for far too long.
The air in LA was toxic, and my behavior had not been the best post-breakup. I was getting drawn into some messed up stuff. Thank God for Callum. He had been able to drag me out of it before I got in too deep. I shuddered to think what I would have become had he not stepped in.
You know what they say, it’s fun until it’s not anymore. The girls, the parties, and the booze. It’s all superficial. I needed real.
L.A. was like a big competition pool about who could show up who. It was practically high school but on steroids. Everyone wanted to be somebody or be known for something. And I had been a part of it all. I had built up myself to be someone. I got invited to the right parties and shook hands with the right people. I lost myself for a long time.
After Tatiana, I just lost the will to pretend anymore. I couldn’t be Gav Hendricks, the charming guy with the six-figure check and life most guys my age dreamed of. I had everything, in the eyes of society, but I felt empty inside.
Almost a whole decade of me living a lie and pretending to want the things that society wanted me to want. It took me leaving that place to finally see that I had lost myself. I had lost the essence of who I was and had promised myself I would be.
I shook my head trying to rid myself of those thoughts. There was no need to keep looking in the past. It was gone and what remained was the here and the now. I wasn’t that Gavin anymore. I was this new and improved version of myself, or at least I hoped I was getting there.
If I was being completely honest, one of the main driving forces for this was currently sitting in the house a few feet from this very barn I was working at—Daniella Anderson.
I heard the sound of glass shattering on the floor, and I turned to see Danny at the entrance of the barn. I placed the last bale of hay down and rushed to her. Her cheeks were a vibrant red, and her eyes were looking everywhere but at me.
“Are you okay?” I asked, looking down at the shattered glass and then back up into her blue-gray eyes, or at least I tried to. She refused to meet my gaze.
“Mhmm,” she said softly, avoiding all forms of eye contact. She dropped down to pick up the shards of glass, but I halted her movements, grabbing her hands and pulling her back up.
“Don’t. You will cut yourself. I can get this sorted out.”
“Okay.” She let out a breath that fanned over my face. It was only then that I noticed how close we actually were to each other. She must have noticed it, too, because she ripped her hands from mine and took a step back. She looked away and cleared her throat.
Her finger twirled in her brown hair, something she always used to do when she was uncomfortable or nervous. I only hoped that it was the latter and not the former reason.
She bit down on her plump lip, and I had to stop myself from groaning. I could tell from the way she played with the ends of her hair that she was flustered.
“You’ve been working all day, and I thought maybe you would like some lemonade, but I dropped it. So…sorry about that,” she said nervously, grabbing my attention once more.
“Don’t worry about it. I was actually about to finish up and head back to my place for lunch. But it will probably be peanut butter and jam again.”
Her blue-gray eyes finally met mine. “I also came to invite you over to the house for lunch if you are interested.”
“Yeah, I would like that.”
She nodded quickly. “Okay, so I will just let you get a shirt and see you over there.”
“What if I just come like this?” I asked jokingly.
I watched as something flashed in her eyes. Then she looked toward the wall to the side where I had been stacking the hay. She played with the ends of her hair and then looked back at me. Whatever emotion had been in her gaze was gone now, replaced by a wall.
“If you would like to. I don’t mind.”