“I will tell you all of that when you come home, but for now, I need you here. I can’t…” His voice cracked. “I can’t do this on my own.”
Instantly, I snapped back to reality at the sound of my older brother’s voice. Ethan was not a man who showed a lot of emotion. He liked to keep cool and collected. He was always strong and resilient, but when it came to our mother, it was his one weak spot.
Unlike my relationship with my mother, Ethan had a better relationship with her. Maybe it was because she hadn’t tried to ruin his life countless times. He was a mama’s boy from the moment he was born. Even when our mother fell off the deep end, he still held a soft spot for her.
“I will take the earliest flight out. You don’t have to worry about getting me from the airport. I can handle all of that on my own.”
“Do you want to stay at the house? I can get the guest room rea—”
“No!” I said a little too quickly. “You don’t have to do that. I will just stay at the local inn or something.”
“The inn is closed for renovations, Jade. Just come stay at the house with me. I think it will do you some good. You hadn’t stepped foot here since you were eighteen.”
“What good will being in that place do for me, E? It has nothing but sad memories and trauma. I would rather just get an Airbnb or something.”
“You know there is no Airbnb in Riverroad, Jade. Just stop being difficult and come stay with me at the house for a little bit. You will only need to be here for the funeral and then you can run away back to New York. But just come home. If not to bury Mom, then come home for me. I need you.”
I was silent for a moment, thinking over everything. I didn’t want to go back to Riverroad, but my mother was dead, and Ethan was alone, having to carry the burden on his own. I didn’t know the details of her death, but knowing my mother, they were most likely not pretty. She was always one for dramatics.
I blew out a heavy breath. “Fine. I will come, and I will stay in the house, but I’m only coming for the funeral, and then I’m leaving. I’m working on an important case here which could land me the senior associate position.”
“Thank you,” he sighed. “I will see you tomorrow. I’m positive seeing home will be good for you, for us.”
I hummed in agreement, but I didn’t mean it.
“Okay, let me go and book my ticket and then I will send you my itinerary, so you know what time I get in.”
“All good. I’m going to see if I can get some sleep. It’s been a long week for me, and with all of this, I just need to take a breather. Goodnight, sis.”
“Goodnight, E, and sorry for your loss.”
I heard his heavy breathing from the other end of the receiver.
“Thanks, but it’s your loss, too, Jade. She was your mom, too.”
His words pierced through my chest like a sword. I didn’t respond to his comment. I just hung up the phone and threw it onto my bed.
The thing was that it wasn’t my loss. At least, it didn’t feel like my loss. I didn’t feel like I had lost somebody. I didn’t feel the sadness or the agony one would expect to feel from losing their mother. I just felt completely numb to everything around me.
I moved on autopilot. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed my bottle of wine, and didn’t even bother to take my glass. I went to my couch, settled in front of my computer and started looking for flights to Washington.
I brought the bottle to my lips and took a generous enough gulp, but I still felt like I needed more. I needed this liquor to be a different color. Maybe a deep brown or a clear and colorless liquid. Something much stronger than the stuff I was consuming right now.
My mind started to wonder, as I sifted through the flight options for tomorrow. The first flight listed left literally within the next six hours. I wouldn’t even have time to sleep, even though I doubted I would have had the capacity to sleep. Sleep required peace, and that was something I was lacking.
My mind attempted to wonder two months ago when I had last seen my mother, but I quickly put a halt to those thoughts. Looking back, I had a different view on everything, now that she was dead.
I raised my glass in the air and pretended to toast myself. “Here’s to you, Monica Masters. May your soul rest in fucking peace.”
Then, I threw the bottle back and downed the remainder of my wine. I selected the early morning ticket and threw the bottle onto my rug.
“Even in death you still manage to dampen my mood,” I whispered to the empty room.