“What answer did you find?” she asked.
“I haven’t. But the last time I was happy outside of the Corps was with you, so...”
“I can’t believe you,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re back here hoping for something.”
“That is what I said,” he reminded her gently.
She withdrew her hand from his.
He looked away and then pushed his hands through his hair. He’d rather face an entire unit of well-trained guerillas than this woman. The fact that he was still scared of her after all this time made him realize that there was more to Alysse than sex. He wanted more from her than physical pleasure, though that was still a big part of why he was here.
“I get that you are afraid to trust me, Alysse. I know that I don’t deserve the slightest kindness from you—”
“Don’t. Don’t say things like that because you make me want to feel sorry for you,” she said. “And that’s not right.”
He stepped toward her. “Let’s go. I need to get away from here. I feel exposed.”
She nodded. He saw her long hair blowing in the wind and he had the feeling that he’d said the wrong thing. But at this point there was nothing else he could say.
“I can’t...I’m not sure I can do much more tonight. I guess you can call me tomorrow,” she said backing away.
He knew he had to let her go. At least until he figured out what he wanted from her and for her, as well as how to have peace in the future.
But that wasn’t about to happen tonight. He knew better than that. “Can I give you a ride home?”
“No. I have my car,” she said. “Thanks for dinner.”
“Hey, I’m not about to let you treat this like some casual date. I want to know what you are feeling.”
“Feeling? I have no idea what I feel at this moment. I’m scared and nervous and excited. I don’t have any idea what will happen next and I’m not entirely sure that I’m not making a stupid decision because...well, because I never actually got over you, Jay.”
“That’s good,” he said, feeling more confident than he had since she’d arrived on the beach.
“I’m glad you think so. But you are here to sort out your life and I already have one. One that you didn’t want to be a part of.”
“We don’t know that. This second chance—”
“Is for you,” she said. “It’s not for me and I have to remember that. I’m not going to let you hurt me again.”
The very last thing he wanted was to hurt Alysse, but he wasn’t about to let his chance—his chance at...what?—go. He had no idea what she going to be to him, though his gut said she was his golden ticket and a man didn’t get too many of those.
“I get that,” he said. “Thanks for staying for dinner.”
“You’re welcome,” she replied, making ready to leave. Then he noticed the Sweet Dreams bakery box.
“Dessert!” he said. That was the excuse he’d used to get her down here and maybe now it would be reason enough for her to stay. He could only hope so.
“Dessert?” she asked.
“We haven’t had whatever you brought for us yet,” he said. “You can’t leave until we have dessert.”
With an almost sad look on her face, she pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head and he saw her pretty blue eyes. Saw the pain and fear she’d alluded to earlier and he knew he was a goner. He was never going to be able to make an unbiased decision where she was concerned.
He was alive but not well and he wanted to take care of himself and find out if he had any chance at life, a real life, but he wasn’t going to be able to put himself before her.
“Please,” he said at last, because any other words were beyond him.
She blinked and then nodded. “We have to get past this.”
“I know,” he said. “You’re afraid I’m going to hurt you and I’d rather die than do that.”
“You can’t be vulnerable to me,” she said slowly. “If you are...we will both lose.”
“This isn’t about winning,” he said, closing the gap between them and pulling her into his arms. “This is about...”
She tipped her head back and put her hands on his shoulders. Going up on tiptoe she leaned up and brushed her lips over his. Then she slowly opened her mouth and her tongue sneaked out to touch his and he melted.
He forgot that he didn’t want to screw this up and went with his gut. And his gut said this woman belonged in his arms. She belonged with him.