I let go of her, and she stumbled back, the expression on her face a mix of disbelief and humiliation.
“Fuck you, Granite.”
“I tried to be nice about it, but it didn’t seem like you understood very well.”
Her lips pulled in a straight line, eyebrows knotted together. “You’re an asshole.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“Ugh!” She stomped to her bedroom and slammed the door. Poor girl. She just didn’t fucking get the fact that we were done. That our little fuck arrangement was over. Playing dirty was the only way to get her to grasp the concept that I would never fuck her again.
Letting out a long breath, I rolled my shoulders to get some relief from the tension. God, it had been a long fucking a day.
Walking to the door of Alyx’s bedroom, I softly turned the knob, easing it open. The bedside lamp was on, and when I saw her small silhouette under the sheets, the way her body slowly moved as she breathed, I took a moment to study her. I loved watching her sleep. All those nights I sat in the corner of her bedroom, watching her without her knowing, was the only time I could sort through my thoughts. It was like her presence calmed the chaos in my head, allowing me to think straight. The delicate little moans she made while she slept mixed with the soft sound of her body moving underneath those silk sheets was like a sonnet to me. It sang to my blood. It made me feel something other than this all-consuming anarchy that burned in my veins, never stopping. Only when I watched her.
Funny. For years, all I thought about was how fucking much I wanted her. How I would commit every mortal sin known to man in order to have her. And now, here she was, and I was suddenly wondering if I fucking deserved her, thinking about what her life would be without the madness of mine. All this time, I was this selfish bastard who didn’t give a fuck who I had to ruin in order to get close to her. My nights were filled with dreams and fantasies of her dancing for me every goddamn night, allowing me to watch her. And my days consisted of thoughts and plans on how I’d make it happen.
Now, here she was. I made it happen. My fucking dream was right here, and she told me she was mine. Confessed it with her own words, her voice, and now I couldn’t stop thinking about how her life would be without me after years of thinking about how my life would bewithher.
Somehow, I couldn’t stop feeling like this was only temporary, like it wouldn’t last for very long. But fuck it. While it lasted, I would bask in it and soak it all up.
I closed the door and slipped my cut off, dropping it on the floor, followed by my shirt and jeans.
Hovering over her, glancing down, it seemed like the light touched her beautiful face. Even the fucking light was drawn to her, just like my darkness.
The mattress dipped when I got in behind her, and she shifted, giving me more space next to her.
“You okay?” she asked, her voice soft and sleepy.
I placed a gentle kiss on her shoulder, inhaling deep, loving the way she smelled, the way she felt next to me. “I’m good.”
She lifted her head and scooted back, letting me put my arm beneath her head before she nestled back into the pillow. “Hmmm,” she purred. “This feels good.”
“You have no idea, ballerina girl.” I draped my arm around her waist and pulled her closer, as close as possible, the curve of her ass fitting perfectly against me. “Say it again,” I whispered into the back of her neck. “Tell me again that you’re mine.”
She weaved her fingers through mine, clutching my hand next to her face. “I’m yours. I’ve always been yours.”
I closed my eyes, swept away by the most perfect moment I had ever experienced. It amazed me how one petite creature like her could tame the beast that ruled my black heart.
As I lay there beside her, I felt the need to shoot a silent prayer to whoever the fuck was up there listening, asking—hoping that something good would come from this selfishly inflicted chaos I had brought to her life. That I wouldn’t end up destroying her, because I wasn’t letting her go. No matter what. I’d keep being selfish, keeping her, holding tight to the best fucking thing in my life right now. In such a short while, I had grown addicted to this beautiful change in my dark, hollow world. All because of the pretty ballerina girl sleeping in my arms tonight.
I nuzzled my nose in her hair, and by God, I prayed I’d be strong enough to keep her, not to let anyone take her away from me. This woman had somehow managed to break through every barrier I had ever built around me, and now I didn’t want to put those walls up again. The deeper she penetrated my soul, the farther I wanted to let her in. This thing we had between us started out as something dark and wicked. But slowly, the blackness was being chipped away, little by little, revealing something that had the potential to be fucking beautiful. And I’d be damned if I allowed anyone to take that away from us…away from me.
14
Alyx
When I woke up,he was gone. The last thing I remembered was him getting into bed, putting his arm around me like it was the most natural thing for him to do. And it felt right. For a man who seemed to be all about chaos, it was strange how him being so close to me was soothing. Calm. Right.
I didn’t even know how it happened, or when it happened. But the dynamic between us changed overnight, and my head was spinning. Yet my heart felt full. My mind no longer tried to dissect it, tried to understand how I could have had these feelings for him after what he had done to me. It no longer mattered, and now that I had accepted this attraction between us, I didn’t feel so conflicted all the time.
Now the only thing I struggled with was how it would be possible to make things right for Neon. No amount of justice or revenge would ever be able to erase what they had done to her. But it sure as hell would have made it a little easier.
I got out of bed when I saw an apple on the bedside table, a white note beneath it saying,‘eat me.’I smiled, appreciating his slight nudge to get me to eat something. The Granite I met a few weeks ago practically shoved a bowl of macaroni down my throat. At least now he was trying to be subtle about it.
I took a bath, got dressed in a clean pair of tights and a shirt before grabbing the apple and heading out the room. From what I could remember of last night, Granite mentioned something about going to see Junkyard’s family. And I wanted to go see Neon.
It was quiet as I walked down the hall, taking a bite from my apple. It tasted sweet as I bit into it, and I could feel it travel down, settling in my empty stomach.