I laughed. God, I loved her and the way she managed to put me at ease with her sarcasm and snarky remarks. Not even a close encounter with death managed to take that light away from her.
She tried to wriggle a little, and her face scrunched up in pain. “Jesus Christ, what does a woman have to do to be able to move into another goddamn position?”
“Can I help?” I stood, my hands hovering over her, not sure where or how I would be able to assist.
Neon cringed and moaned, shifting a little on the bed. “Nah. Forget it. I think I know what a fucking baby feels like now, all wrapped up and unable to move.”
“Are you in any pain right now?” I sat back down, this immense amount of sympathy sweeping over me, and I had to bite back the tears.
“Besides my one side being numb? No. Doc has me on some pretty potent shit. Remind me to get the name of that stuff.” She gave me a once-over. “Stop staring at me like you’re about to cry, or I’m about to break.”
“Neon—”
“I know. I know. I’m already broken, right?”
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Truth was, from where I sat, she sure looked broken. She looked like she had been dragged through hell and back. Like every part of her had been shattered, stepped and spat on. I was convinced had it been someone else, they wouldn’t have survived whatever they had put her through. But it wasn’t her physical wounds that worried me.
“Neon, I know I’ve asked this before. But are you okay? Like, really okay?”
She cleared her throat, and I was sure I saw a glimmer of a tear in the corner of her eye, but she blinked it away. “I didn’t die, so there’s that.”
“It was hell thinking you were dead.”
“Ah, Swan Lake. It’s good to know someone will miss me if I really had to tap out someday.”
“I’m serious, Neon. I couldn’t stop blaming myself, blaming him.”
“Stop. It’s not your fault, and it’s not Granite’s either. When they found me, I asked him not to tell you.”
“Why? Why didn’t anyone want me to know? God, Neon. It was torture thinking you were dead.”
She scoffed. “You think it was torture foryou?”
Shame made me look away. “I’m sorry. I have no reason to feel like I’m the one who’s been wronged.”
“It’s okay.” She took a few labored breaths. “Just…don’t blame Granite. The guy is having a hard enough time blaming himself.”
I nodded, toying with my cuticles. I didn’t know what to say next. What was left to say after everything that had happened? Words felt so inadequate. Nothing could make any of this better. Maybe only time, something that almost got taken away from her in the cruelest way. And here I was feeling sorry for myself, thinking I had it bad. A mother who didn’t know how to love. A father who didn’t seem to care. And a man who tore me away from my world, made me fall for him, then ripped my heart out by lying to me. By making me think he was the devil. All that had happened to me could not even be compared to what Neon had to have gone through. Yet here she was, trying to play it down by seeing the silver lining—the fact that she didn’t die.
“So,” she started, “what’s going on out there? I was sure I heard a commotion.”
“Well, I think I almost witnessed World War Three out there with Onyx and Ink trying to kill each other.”
“Oh, my God. Are you serious?”
I nodded.
“God, Ink is such an asshole. What’d he do?”
I shrugged. “I don’t think it was Ink’s fault. Onyx was all worked up and pissed at Granite.”
“About what?”
It occurred to me that this wasn’t the kind of conversation I should have with Neon right now. “You know what?” I waved it off. “It’s nothing.”
“Nah-ah. You don’t get to do that.”
“Do what?”