Ruined.
Corrupted.
Broken.
Just like me.
3
Alyx
There wereno more tears left in me to cry. Instead, I just sat there in the corner drawing imaginary circles on the concrete floor with my fingertip. My nails had grown, and they looked terrible. No shape, no pretty round contour. Filing the corners of my nails, keeping them well-manicured was not important. Not anymore. I was no longer that perfect, pretty ballerina girl.
Ballerina girl.
God, I hated those words. I hated that he called me that. I hated that I liked it when he called me that. I hated him.
Around and around, my finger drew circles over the exact same spot. My thoughts were scattered, almost like static, memories zapping through my mind one second at a time. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t think straight. But it was better that way. If my mind was clear, I’d probably only think of her, her face, her pain, the way Granite easily disregarded her life like it meant nothing.
Did my life mean nothing to him? If it was so easy for him to let her go, would he throw me to the vultures just as easily once he grew tired of me? Sure, he made it clear he was never letting me go, and for a single space in time he had me believing that. He had me believing he might have cared for me, that his obsession with me wasn’t just toxic, but a part of it might be genuine. Unfortunately, he proved me wrong not long after I opened my legs for him, welcoming him into my body like he was the one.
God. My mom was right. It wasn’t in me to make the right decisions. That was why I needed someone like her to make the choices for me. I was weak. Too naïve. And if I had to stand on my own two feet, living my own life, I’d fuck up left, right, and center.
There was a slight knock on the door before Onyx entered. I gave a quick glance his way then turned my attention back to the circles I was drawing. “I didn’t eat the food you brought me, if that’s why you’re here.”
I heard the door slam shut, the heavy footsteps of his leather boots. He crouched in front of me. “How long are you going to keep this up?”
I shrugged, not giving him a straight answer.
“I’m going to ask you this one more time, Alyx. Please eat.”
I lifted my head and met his eyes. “Isn’t the whole point of eating to give your body what it needs to function? To stay alive?”
“What’s your point?”
My hair fell across my shoulder as I leaned my head to the side. “I have no reason to have a body that functions right at this point.” I bit my lower lip. “And since your brother made it clear he had no intention of ever letting me go, I don’t see a reason for me to stay alive either.”
Onyx pulled his hand through his dirty blond hair as he let out an exasperated breath. “So, what? This is you punishing him? Are you trying to get back at him?”
“No. Punishing him won’t bring her back.”
“And neither would starving yourself.”
“I’m not starving myself to punish him, Onyx. I’m doing it to punish myself.”
“Why?”
I crossed my legs and placed my hands on my lap while focusing on him. “If your brother wasn’t so hellbent on keeping me, Neon would be alive right now.”
“That’s bullshit.” He shook his head, his expression teetering on the edge of anger.
“Is it?”
“Yeah, it is.”
I smiled. “I don’t think so. The Kings might have been at war with the Pythons for years, but I’m the nuclear fucking weapon that made Neon end up as nothing but collateral.”
Onyx shot up, towering over me. “You need to stop.”