I nodded, accepting her answer. I still felt like shit, though. I should have known better than to give in, allowing her to come along. But goddammit, it was getting increasingly difficult for me to say no to her.
“Can I ask you one favor?” Her blue eyes locked with mine. “I know I asked to come along, and I should have heeded your warning when you said I would see a different side of you. But can we not ever speak about what happened tonight? I know you have all these layers of personas you need to take on in order for you to do what you do. But I prefer the Castello you are when we’re alone, the Castello who can make me love and hate him at the same damn time.”
I couldn’t help but smile. My little mouse was getting stronger, wiser. She was adapting better than I thought she would.
I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed her skin softly. “Deal.”
The rest of our drive home, the silence didn’t feel so heavy. She had leaned into me, and eventually I could feel the rhythmic movement of her chest. She had fallen asleep, and my heart swelled, threatening to burst. Even though saying we loved each other got easier with every day that passed, I sometimes caught myself doubting how such a perfect creature like her could love something as imperfect as me.
But it wasn’t my place to question fate.
We arrived at the estate, and I carried Tatum to our room. I wasn’t surprised she was exhausted after everything that had happened.
I gently placed her on the bed, the promise of her showing me her appreciation still sitting in the back of my head. I could be a selfish asshole and wake her, remind her of what she had promised, and if it was a few weeks ago I probably would have. But she was carrying my child, the vessel for the life we had created. It was no longer about my selfish needs. It was about her, the baby…about us.
Gently, I removed her shoes and pulled the sheets over her. She looked angelic under the dim lights of the bedroom, her golden hair splayed across the silk sheets. After everything, it felt amazing to know that she was really mine. Not because I forced her to be, but because she wanted to be. It was surreal to think that after all the pain I’d caused her, after everything she’d lost because of me and my family, she still loved me. Yet now as I stared at her beautiful, innocent face, I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever be able to be good to her, to our child. I was a fucking monster who liked to see the woman I loved bleed. I’d tortured and killed more people than I cared to remember. How could I think for even a moment that I was worthy of this woman’s love, worthy of being a father?
Two weeks ago, I asked her to marry me, and she said yes. But with everything going on, Vico meddling with my business, growing the threat he presented toward me and my family, we never got around to talking about any sorts of wedding plans. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe that was the universe’s way of telling me I was being a schmuck by thinking I could have a normal life with a woman. I was never meant to have a normal life. To live the American dream and have a house with a white picket fence. I’d tried to convince myself that everything would work out. In the end, everyone had a happily ever after, right?Wrong!Tonight I proved to her and myself that I wasn’t worthy. Not of her. Not of our child.
All this time, I refused to even think about a life without her. I locked her in our goddamn bedroom, for Christ’s sake. On the inside, I had a twisted obsession with her, wanted to consume her. But that obsession had somehow turned into love, and because of my love for her, I had to think about what was best for her and our child. And that wasn’t me.
I traced the back of my hand down the side of her face, her soft skin feeling like velvet against mine.
I knew her. She was strong even if she thought she wasn’t. There was no way she would just walk away from me, especially now that she was carrying my child.
But for once in my life I had to try and do the unselfish thing. I had to put the well-being of my family first…I had no other choice but to force her to live a life without me.
Chapter 23
TATUM
I woke up in an empty bed. It was still dark, but the bathroom light was on. I was still wearing my cocktail dress, so I must have fallen asleep in the car.
I got up and walked to the bathroom expecting to find Castello there, but he wasn’t.
It wasn’t unusual for him to be up in the early hours of the morning. In the beginning, I hated waking up to him not being next to me, but I quickly got used to it. The safer I started to feel in the house, the more secure I felt in our relationship.
Yet now, I didn’t like it. There was this slight chill that ran up my spine, the back of my neck prickling with warning.
I pulled on my nightgown and decided to go look for him. It was the only way for me to calm the paranoia slowly eating at my brain.
The halls were dimly lit, and I started with the study. Usually, I would find Castello in his uncle’s study taking care of business. When he worked in the middle of night, he would sit behind the desk wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt. But whether he wore a five thousand dollar suit or a pair of faded denim jeans, he always looked the part of a boss, of a confident business man.
Castello wasn’t there.
I searched the dining hall, the kitchen, even went to the living room to see if he wasn’t sitting outside on the deck. He was nowhere. And what was even stranger was the serious lack of muscle and ammo around the house. In fact, I hadn’t seen one security guard while I was searching for Castello.
Something wasn’t right. I could feel it in my gut, slithering all the way up my spine.
Deciding it would probably be safer in the bedroom, I made my way back up the stairs. But then my eye caught sight of a dim light shining underneath the door of my studio.
Would he? Even after he promised me that no one would go in there without my permission?
As I got closer to the door, I noticed it wasn’t closed properly. The hinges creaked eerily as I slowly opened it, finding Castello standing in front of the table, his back turned toward the door.
“What are you doing here?” I closed the door behind me.
He didn’t turn around. The only light in the room was the table lamp in the corner, shadows creeping all around us.