“Fuck what I said. Right now, you listen to me.”
I shook my head. “No. Right now I’m doing what feels right.”
“No!” he shouted. “Stop this. Don’t you dare fucking do this.”
The click sounded, and I gripped the blade in my hand before turning around. I knew looking at him would make this so much harder than it already was. Staring into the eyes of the man I loved with all my heart. We were such a perfect fit. Both of us broken, wicked, equally fucked. We were like two wrongs making a right. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think the universe had thrown us together so the rest of the world could see how much beauty could come from a lifetime of wrongs.
Antonio gave a step toward me, but I pressed the blade against my wrist. He stilled. “Doe. What the fuck are you doing?”
Dante and Lorik both rushed up behind him, but they stopped abruptly when they saw me with a blade against my wrist.
“I have to go to him.” Tears were pouring down my cheeks, my heart breaking more and more with each passing second I stared into Antonio’s eyes. “Please trust me. Just trust me.”
He shook his head. “I’m not letting you go.”
I let out a sob. “You have to, Antonio. You have no choice.” I pressed the blade deeper against my skin. “By the time you manage to reach me, I would have sliced my wrist. You can try to save me, stop me from doing what I need to do. But I promise you, if you don’t let me go tonight, I will kill myself. Whether it be now, tomorrow, or in a year’s time. I will take my own life because there is no way I’d be able to live with myself if I don’t do this.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Dark eyes turned black, his face pale, shoulders slumped forward.
For the first time since I laid eyes on Antonio, he seemed defeated. Like a man who had run out of options. A desperate man.
“You listen to me, Doe. There isn’t a chance in hell I’m letting you out of my sight. Now put down the goddamn blade and let us figure this out together.”
He inched forward, and I pierced my skin with the tip of the blade, making him stop dead in his tracks.
“What in the name of Jesus Christ are you doing, Doe?”
The words burned the tip of my tongue. With every fiber of my being, I wanted to tell him. I wanted to say the words and tell him I was doing this to save his sister—my friend. But I couldn’t. The risk was too great, and it was a risk I wasn’t willing to take. No one knew Vadik the way I did. His promises, his threats, were never empty.
Antonio inched back, holding up his hands. “Okay. Okay. Just don’t…don’t hurt yourself. Please.”
I’d never heard such tenderness in his voice before. There was no trace of the hardened mafia boss I had grown to love. And in his eyes, even with the night sky, I could see the worry, the fear, and most of all…the helplessness. It tore my heart in two doing this to him. But I had to rewire my brain. Rather than thinking of me doing thistohim, I had to think that I was doing thisforhim. For everyone I held dear.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Antonio nodded, as if he understood. As if he saw the turmoil churning inside me. It was only a few seconds, but it felt like an entire lifetime passed between us. He understood. And one simple act, the nod of his head, gave me the permission I needed to put every ounce of strength I had into what was to come.
I bit my bottom lip, tears falling freely down my cheeks. It wasn’t just my heart that was hurting. My soul was in agony as well because I knew…I knew this would probably be the last time I ever saw Antonio.
One step back. And another. And another. I kept on moving farther and farther away from him, every molecule of my being screaming at me to go back to him. Begging me to stay. To run to him and let him wrap his arms around me. But it wasn’t in the stars for us. Deep down, I knew this. I knew I would never have the happily ever after every girl dreamed about.
“I love you,” I said, a half-smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. “I love you with all my heart.” And then I ran. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, tears spilling from my soul. Farther and farther I ran from the man I loved, right to the man I despised the most.
I heard nothing but the sound of my heart breaking. The pain was so intense, it overshadowed all the fear. All the terror of returning to the hell I knew awaited me.
When I reached the tall, black steel gate, I wasn’t surprised to find it open. He nodded. Antonio nodded. It was his way of letting me do what I needed to do.
As I ran out the gates, I spotted the black SUV and rushed straight to it. Just as I reached the car, the door opened from the inside, and I slipped in.
For some reason, I expected to see Karina in the car, prepared myself to give her the world’s biggest goddamn hug ever. But she wasn’t there. Instead, I turned, only to stare into the crystal blue eyes of the devil himself.
“Vadik.” His name left my mouth with nothing more than a breath.
“My dear Nessuno.” His lips curved. “Finally, you’re back where you belong.”
He leaned across the seat, and I still tried to fight…until it went dark.
Chapter 17