‘We both know I can’t stay here, Rafael. I will return to Monterrato in time to have the baby, of course, and then we can work out the best way to proceed after that.’
There—it was said. She allowed her gaze to slide to the floor.
‘Did you mean it, Lottie? When you said you had always loved me?’
The black and white squares of marble blurred beneath her feet. Why was he doing this to her? She was waiting for anger, denial, refusal, bracing herself for more of the blind rage that he had showed her earlier. She could cope with that. But this...? This was a far more excruciating form of torture.
‘Yes.’ Her voice was very small.
Tipping up her chin with his finger, Rafael locked his eyes on hers again. ‘So when you walked out...when you said those words to me...?’ He faltered, drinking in the violet-blue of her eyes, still searching for the answer, sure that it had to be held in there somewhere.
‘It was a lie, Rafe. The biggest lie of my life.’
‘And now? This is the truth?’
As he removed his finger from her chin Lottie realised that his hand was shaking.
‘Yes—yes, Rafael, it is. This is the truth.’
‘Then say it,’ he growled from somewhere deep in his throat. ‘Say the words, Lottie.’
Lottie gazed upwards, scanning his scarred, handsome face as if for the last time, before surrendering to the force in his eyes.
‘I love you, Rafael.’
Lowering his head, Rafael brushed his mouth against hers, capturing her words with his lips, holding them, tasting them, letting the truth in all its naked glory pass from her body to his.
With aching tenderness the pressure of his kiss increased, until it flooded through Lottie’s body like warm water, melting her against him, washing away everything else that had ever passed between them. Closing her eyes, she let herself float away. If this was their final parting kiss, then so be it—she would give herself up to it, surrender to the glorious feeling that obliterated every other thought. And remember it for ever.
Finally she felt Rafael’s lips leave hers, felt him loosen his hold on her, and knew she was going to have to open her eyes to the cold reality of the future. She waited, looking up into his dark returning stare. There was an agonising pause before he lifted his hands, cupped them around her face and looked deep, deep into her eyes.
‘Anch’io ti amo. I love you too, Lottie.’
* * *
Pulling apart at last, they moved into the salon. Rafael bent to put a match to the fire prepared in the hearth, then drew Lottie back beside him as they watched as the flames licked around the kindling, crackling it into life.
As he turned to look down at her his dark eyes were brimming with love in a way that Lottie had never, ever thought she would see again. Then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into the tightest hug.
‘It will warm up in a minute.’
‘I’m not cold.’
How could she be, locked in his arms, with his astonishing words still resonating in her head?
‘Good.’ He paused, running a hand over her tangled curls, tracing the shape of her skull with the flat of his palm. ‘I’m so sorry, Lottie.’
‘No.’ Moving away just enough to look up at his face, Lottie stopped him. ‘I should be saying sorry, not you. I’m the one who ran away, who didn’t have the courage to tell you to your face how I felt.’
‘I didn’t give you the chance.’ Drawing her back against his chest, he spoke the words softly over her head. ‘I was so consumed with guilt...’
He resisted the pull of Lottie against him.
‘No, let me say this—I have to say this. I was so consumed with guilt over Seraphina’s death that it took over everything in my life. I refused to grieve, refused to even let myself witness your grief, because it twisted the knife in my heart still further. Every time I looked at you it was like a permanent reminder of what I had done—to our baby, to you. I thought I had taken away from you the only thing that mattered.’
‘No, of course you hadn’t, Rafe.’ Forcibly loosening herself from the grip of his arms, Lottie tipped back her head to look at him. ‘That wasn’t how it was at all. You have to stop tormenting yourself.’
‘So instead I made it my mission to try and change that terrible destiny. And when it didn’t happen, when the IVF didn’t work, instead of standing back and taking a long hard look at what I was doing, instead of devoting myself to trying to make you happy, I turned into some crazed adrenalin junkie, pushing myself further and further physically and further and further away from you.’ He stopped abruptly, the glitter of tears in his eyes. ‘Can you ever forgive me, Lottie?’