“I might have lost my appetite again,” Cash muttered, though he didn’t balk or refuse to go with them unless they threatened him at gunpoint. So that was progress, at least.
Her life was so fucked up that being a killer for hire didn’t even rank in her top three issues.
9
Cash swallowed a huge bite of the meal Sola had warmed up for him and hummed. It could have been a TV dinner and it would have rivaled the best gourmet meals he’d ever eaten, but it was honestly impressive. Steak with a red wine demi-glace, steamed vegetables with some kind of buttery sauce that melted on his tongue, and fresh bread with a crusty outside and a soft inside.
He practically inhaled it.
In the background, the shower splattered. Aarav had insisted he’d rather wash off than eat with them. Cash figured the guy needed a minute to himself and he didn’t blame him after all they’d been through and the bad memories Cash had inadvertently brought to the surface.
“A couple of our friends—Devra and Morgan—own a restaurant and bakery down the street. Their food is always incredible, but they really took things up a level for the wedding reception.” Sola’s wistful smile made Cash realize how much the celebration had meant to her.
“Sorry you had to leave early because of the situation with my father.”
“It’s my job.” She shrugged. “Besides, as wild as it’s been, I wouldn’t change the last couple days for anything. A lot of good has come of it too. You’re in one piece and protected here. And, well, stuff with Aarav is…progressing.”
“Is that what you call it when you fuck someone halfway across an ocean?” Cash chuckled as he dug into another forkful.
But Sola didn’t laugh. Instead, she shifted in her seat. “I don’t know if we should talk about that. Not when everything is so fresh and there’s this energy zipping around right now.”
“Is that what you call this?” He wiggled his fork between them. Then between himself and the general direction of the bathroom. “And this?”
“You feel it too?”
“I’m not dead, am I?” He grunted. “Bad choice of words.”
She looked up at him and laughed at his morbid humor. He figured that was a requirement of her occupation.
“Look, just because we have some kind of vibe going on doesn’t mean we need to act on it. I’m not trying to screw up your relationship, or whatever it is you have with Aarav. Seems like it was a long time coming.”
She nodded. “It was. More than six months of torture. Being best friends, hanging out, working together, hitting the gym, cooking dinner…”
“So, basically, dating but without the sex.” Cash winced. “That sucks.”
“Yeah, exactly. But there was definitely no suckage.” She ran one hand down her braid before gnawing on a roll without eating more than a crumb. “And now that we did it, we never really got a chance to process what happened and things are awkward and I have no idea how he feels about any of this. About me.”
“It was obvious from the moment he stepped into that powerboat that he loves you and would do anything to defend you.” Cash couldn’t believe she didn’t know it too. “Sometimes guys aren’t trying to be malicious, they’re oblivious. Or in denial. I mean, I didn’t even realize what my dad was up to right in front of my face.”
“Don’t beat yourself up about that. It’s hard to be honest about your parents’ shortcomings even when they’ve made huge mistakes in the past.” She dropped the roll on her plate.
“Sounds like you’ve had personal experience. I’m sorry.” He didn’t press, though he was curious. She took a big glug of water then unloaded on him.
“My dad died in a car accident when I was seven. He was coming home from working third shift and a drunk driver hit him head on. My mother never forgave herself since she had been a stay-at-home mom after having me and he was always struggling to make ends meet for us. She got depressed, was hooked on prescription drugs on and off for years. Finally got sober for good around the time I was in my senior year of high school. Or at least I thought. One night she borrowed my beater, said she had a craving for some chocolate. It was a craving, all right. After being clean nearly a year, she overestimated her tolerance and OD’d before I could track her down when she’d been gone to the ‘store’ for far too long.”
Cash set his fork down, wiped his face on the cloth napkin Aarav had set beside his plate, then took her trembling hand in his. “You’re not responsible for her decisions.”
“No, but like you said…I wanted to believe it was finally and truly over. Well, in a way, I guess it was.” She looked up at him, her warm eyes swimming with emotion. “I’ve been on my own ever since. Realistically from the day my dad died and I ended up taking care of my mom the best I could. Until I came here. Until I met Aarav and the rest of the Shields. Until they took me in and made me part of their family. Which is pretty damn good, but not entirely what I need. Maybe all I really want is to not be alone anymore.”
Her wish struck Cash square in the chest. He’d often had the same thoughts as he bobbed around at sea, literally adrift—in life and in love. He’d seen an echo of the same loneliness in Aarav’s expression when he’d talked of losing his father, and likely the rest of his family.
No wonder they understood each other so well.
Despite what he’d said before, he wasn’t about to leave her exposed and vulnerable when she’d just admitted she craved someone by her side. Cash leaned in and put his hand on the side of her face, pulling her toward him.
She didn’t flinch or retreat. Instead she met him halfway.
Their lips were nearly touching when Aarav walked in, a towel over his head as he mopped the water from his hair and where it dripped onto his bare shoulders and hewn chest. Both Sola and Cash jerked apart so hard their chairs scraped across the tile, drawing his attention.