He heard her sniffle. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I want to remember, Preacher. I’m tired of being this no one.” She swiped at the tears. “Do you have any idea what it’s like? I’m nothing.” She laughed. “Did my dad tell you I went to the cemetery while you were gone?”
“Why?”
“To see my mom.”
“Oh,” he said. Bear hadn’t gotten around to telling him that little detail.
“Yeah, I know. There’s so much I don’t know. I feel like I’m lost all the time. People smile or avoid me. It’s like there’s this black cloud everyone else knows and I don’t get to have access to it. It sucks, big time.” She rubbed at her temple. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.”
“I can’t help it. You deserve someone who isn’t broken.”
He took the cup from her hands and held them, forcing her to look at him. “You’re not broken.”
“Preacher, I don’t even remember our first time. That nursery upstairs means nothing to me. I walk around lost. You look at me and you know me. I don’t know you. There’s so much I don’t understand.”
“I love you,” he said. “That’s all I know. Our life wasn’t simple and easy. There are moments I wish I could join you in not knowing. You want to remember. I can tell you there’s no peace in knowing what I do.” He stroked her cheek. “I’m so glad you’re here with me. Knowing or not, I wouldn’t trade you for the world. You’re everything.”
“Really?”
“Yes, and you can’t doubt me, not ever. I know what I’m talking about.”
She laughed, wrapping her arms around him. “I love you too.”
He held on to her words. They weren’t heartfelt, but he hoped one day, they would be.
“When it comes to your mother, forget about her, okay? Trust in me and your father to know we’re doing the right thing.”
She held on to him tightly as he pulled her in for a hug. “Thank you. Please, Preacher, don’t ever let me go.”
“Not a chance.” He’d waited far too long for her. There was nothing that would make him leave.
****
Robin placed the latest science book on the shelf. She looked at her cart and saw next was space.
Putting books back in place at the library was a calming process. Right now, she needed calm in her life. Between the bad dreams and her upcoming birthday, her nerves were shot.
Her hands shook without any reason at all. She didn’t know what was going on with her. Every little detail of her life seemed to make her crack.
With the cart empty, she walked back to the front desk and served two children who were patiently waiting.
Once their books were scanned, she watched them leave. A yearning twisted inside her. Kids and babies seemed to do that to her, and she couldn’t help but wonder if it had something to do with the nursery. Whenever Preacher left, and she had a short time to herself, which wasn’t often, she’d go and sit in the nursery, staring at his artwork.
The chair was unfamiliar. The room itself didn’t speak to her in any way.
One of the stuffed unicorn toys still had the tags on, and she’d sit in the chair, holding the unicorn, begging to know what was going to happen.
“You seem quieter than usual,” Anne said.
Anne was a middle-aged woman with three kids in school. She worked full-time at the library. From the rumors Robin had been hearing, her husband was having an affair with one of the other parents, but no one told Anne that.
“Sorry, just got a lot on my mind.”
“Anything you wish to share?” Anne asked. “You know, the whole a problem shared.”
Robin chuckled. “Yeah, I remember that.” She was starting to feel increasingly bitter about what she did know. She released a breath.
Anne held her hands up. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
“It’s fine. You know, just … trying to figure everything out.”
“You’re way too young to attempt to figure anything out.”
“Do … never mind.”
“What is it?” Anne asked. “We’re having a bit of a lull in here and I could use the distraction from them over there who think it’s okay to talk about my husband’s affair.”
Robin’s mouth dropped open. She looked from Anne to the women who spent a great deal of time gossiping.
“You think I didn’t know?”
“I don’t know what to think.”
Anne shrugged. “My and my husband’s life is private. I don’t need people poking fun at my expense. Let me see if I can help you.”
“It’s not a lot. I was wondering if you knew me … before.”
“If I knew you before you were kidnapped?”
“Yes, if that is what I was.”
“Rumor has it you were taken against your will. So I guess, kidnapped.”
“Right, of course.” She was starting to get a headache.
“I’m older than you, so we weren’t exactly friends or anything. You were a good kid, considering your parents, or should I say your mother.”