Chapter Ten
With Asher and her parents in one place, it was time to have the serious conversation Jade had been avoiding since she was a child. Knox had stressed the importance of not running from her problems, and Jade was taking it seriously.
For this talk, she wanted to be sitting down. Once settled, she clasped Knox’s hand in hers for support. He held on tight.
“What’s going on?” Asher leaned forward, concern in his expression. It was better than the anger he’d shown earlier, but she was going to hurt him, and she didn’t want him to blame himself.
“While on the island, Knox and I were talking, and some things came up that I never told you.” She slid her tongue over her bottom lip. “Remember when I was a kid, how I used to read in that huge Queen Anne chair in the library?”
Her mom laughed. “Sometimes I couldn’t find you, and eventually, I learned to check there first.”
Jade smiled. “One afternoon, I was curled up there, reading. I was eight. And the boys were walking past, heading to the kitchen.”
Asher tipped his head to the side. She could almost see the wheels turning while he tried to come up with what she was going to say. “That was back when Harrison was having a hard time at school because he was into theater.” She drew a deep breath. “I heard him tell you”—she looked at Asher—“that he was worried. That because he was depressed, he was afraid he’d do to himself what Mom did.”
Serenity gasped. Obviously, Harrison hadn’t shared those fears with her. Her father’s eyes grew wide. He, too, appeared stunned. But Asher just grew pale. Without a doubt, he remembered what he’d told their sibling.
“Jade?” Serenity pressed for more.
Jade swallowed hard. “I… ummm…” She didn’t know how to say it.
“I told Harrison he wouldn’t inherit Mom’s illness because he wasn’t a girl.” Asher ran a hand through his hair and groaned.
“I got my first migraine that night,” Jade said softly.
Rising from his seat, Asher began to pace. “I just wanted to reassure him. I figured if I took away the possibility, Harrison would forget about it. I mean, what did I know? I was a teenager and busy with my own problems. But I never would have said anything if I’d known you were there. Shit.” He rubbed his palms against his eyes, his self-recrimination as bad as she’d figured it would be.
Jade released Knox’s hand and jumped up, standing in Asher’s path. “I know you didn’t realize I was there. That’s why I never told anyone. I knew how badly you would feel. It wasn’t until the anxiety started in middle school and I went to therapy that I found out the truth. Sure, I could inherit mental illness, but my issues weren’t presenting anything like our birth mother’s. This isn’t your fault.” She touched Asher’s shoulder and he managed a nod.
“Jesus Christ. I did a shit job of taking care of you kids after your mother left. I should have gotten you all help sooner.” Her father bowed his head. “My emotions were all over the place, and there were five of you, all different ages. I was in over my head.”
Serenity wrapped her arm around him. “We all did the best we could at the time. I’m sorry I didn’t ask more questions or think of pushing for therapy. I just wanted to get Jade’s migraines treated so the pain would go away. It never dawned on me there was an inciting cause.”
“Serenity, you were their nanny. It was my responsibility to see what my kids needed and I failed,” Michael said.
Jade glanced at Knox, who remained silent while the family worked out their past. He was a steadying force, and she was grateful to have him by her side.
“Nobody failed,” Jade said. “Nobody is to blame. It was time for me to tell you, but not because I want anyone beating themselves up over something that happened a long time ago.”
“Jade, honey, why did this come up for you again now?” Serenity asked.
She walked back to Knox and lowered herself onto the cushion beside him. She knew she had to face this, too. “I just want to be a good mother. Unlike… Audrey.” Jade refused to give her birth parent the label that Serenity had earned. Though she wished things had been different, she was grateful for all the good people in her life. Especially the woman who’d raised her, whose eyes were now damp.
“I want you to listen to me,” Serenity said. “Asher, you, too.”
He turned toward his stepmother, his expression still ravaged with guilt.
“Audrey suffered with tremendous pain and emotional turmoil. I didn’t know her well, but despite her lack of attentiveness, she loved her babies.” Serenity rubbed her hands on her silk pants, her nerves showing.
Michael stopped the movement by threading his fingers with hers.
“I feel guilty, too,” Serenity went on. “Because I got to raise you all. I fell in love with all of Audrey’s children. I have my family because she is gone.” Serenity drew in a trembling breath. “Your father is right. We all needed therapy.” She sniffed and blinked back her tears.
Jade’s heart hurt for everyone in this room.
Serenity glanced around, meeting both Jade and Asher’s gazes. “I want you both to let your anger at Audrey—and at yourselves—go. Let the worry go, too. Do whatever you need to do in order to come to terms with the past. Get help, talk to whoever makes you feel better. But know this—Audrey didn’t leave you because she chose to. She left because she wanted her suffering to end.”
The lump in Jade’s throat had grown so large she didn’t know if she could hold back the tears much longer.