She pursed her lips in thought. “Well, my family knows this but nobody else does. Not even Lauren.” But she thought she could trust Knox with this secret.
“I’m listening.”
She drew a deep breath. “Jade isn’t my real name. Well, it’s my middle name. I was born Emery Jade Dare.” It was something she tried to forget, along with other painful memories.
“Why do you go by Jade then? Do you just like it better?” he asked, his voice low in her ear.
She shook her head. Big mistake. The throbbing intensified and she moaned.
“Shh. Stay still.” He pulled the ice pack off the top of her head and began to massage her forehead and temples.
She let his hands work their magic and she began to talk. “My mother chose the name Emery. My dad chose Jade. My father told me that one day, thinking it would help me feel connected to her, even though she was gone.”
His hand stilled. “Did it? Make you feel closer to your mom?”
“Keep massaging, please.” He began to rub her temples again and she forced herself to remain quiet until she could manage the pain. “I didn’t want to feel connected to my mother. I was… I still am angry at her.” For abandoning her and her brothers. For not loving them enough to get better. “After I found out, I made everyone call me Jade, and once I turned eighteen, I changed my name legally.”
Her father had resisted for a while, but she’d been insistent. Finally, he’d given in, using the only name she would answer to.
“Asher told me your mother had mental health issues,” Knox said quietly.
“She did. She had a desperate need for the attention she received when she was pregnant. Believe it or not, it’s a real disorder people suffer from. The problem was, she didn’t want to be a parent or take care of the kids she had. So Dad hired Serenity as our nanny.”
“And you were lucky to have her,” he said.
“Yes.” She yawned, thanking God that the medication was starting to kick in. Her head was still bad, but now, she was getting sleepy. “I know it sounds selfish to be angry at someone for things they had no control over, but I can’t help how I feel. She didn’t stick around. She didn’t try to get better, to be a real mother.”
Knox stopped massaging and pulled her into his arms. “It isn’t selfish. You had every right to want your mother to be your mother.”
“Thank you for that,” she murmured. In addition to the anger and hurt, she harbored guilt for her feelings. “I don’t know what my father’s deal was in allowing her to keep getting pregnant, and I don’t want to know. That was between them. But as far as I’m concerned, Serenity is my mother.”
Knox held her tighter. “Thank you for sharing.”
She breathed in deep, inhaling his comforting scent, and snuggled closer to his warmth. Thanks to the medication she’d taken, she was finally tired enough to sleep. With luck, when she woke up, she’d be past the worst of the headache.
***
Knox had listenedto Jade’s secret, surprised she’d opened herself up to him. No doubt the pain had lowered her defenses, and though he didn’t want her to suffer, he was grateful for the insight into the little girl she’d been. As the only female in a family of brothers, she’d have needed her mother as she grew up. Knowing she’d had Serenity in her life would have helped, but deep down, she still felt abandoned by the woman who’d given birth to her.
Knox didn’t fault Jade for holding on to her pain, but he doubted the mixture of guilt and anger she was keeping inside her helped with the migraine headaches or her anxiety. He admired how hard she fought to do her job and live her life despite the potentially debilitating issues. She was a strong woman.
He waited until she’d fallen into a deep sleep, her breathing even and rhythmic, before climbing out of bed. There was a certain peace he found lying beside her, knowing he’d taken care of her the best he could. As much as he’d like to have pulled her into his arms again and felt her against him, it was still a workday. He glanced at her again and walked out of her room.
He stepped into the living area of her apartment and settled onto a large cream-colored sofa with soft pale-yellow pillows. The sofa was extremely comfortable and he leaned back as he worked. He called his office and checked in with his staff. He also spoke with Asher, confirming he and Knox’s other friends were taking his plane on Thursday to Vegas, and made sure his assistant had his hotel suite booked for the long weekend.
Assuming Jade would wake up hungry, he ordered dinner, hoping she was in the mood for Italian. He chose a variety of entrees, knowing she could use the leftovers for the rest of the week. With everything on his agenda taken care of, he settled in to wait for her to wake up.
While he sat, he thought about what had triggered her anxiety, and he wanted to throttle Theo. Unfortunately, Knox knew that if Knox let Theo know he’d upset Jade, Theo would double down on his behavior. That meant ignoring him was the best strategy, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. Still, it wasn’t his call. He’d have to discuss it with Jade before doing anything.
They might not have put a label what they’d shared, but it was more than a one-night stand or just sex. Jade had big-time abandonment issues, thanks to her mother and her unorthodox childhood and then to the two assholes she’d agreed to marry in the past. Jade didn’t realize it, but she’d already broken her man fast with Knox. And now, he’d need patience to show her he was different from those other men. They were different.
He turned on the television and put on ESPN. Between Holly’s wedding appointments, work, trying to figure out how to get Jade in his life, and Theo causing trouble, hockey playoffs were the last thing on his mind. But no sooner had he settled in to watch television than clips of the Rockets game came on. He viewed the game for a few minutes, looking for his brother. And he found him. As Knox watched, Theo took his goalie stick and slashed an unsuspecting forward on the back of the legs.
Knox winced. He grabbed the remote and rewound, watching the play again. Theo was such a stupid fuck. It was rare for a goalie to get suspended but no doubt that would be the end result. Especially since Cooke had to be helped off the ice. Knox shook his head, wondering how many games’ suspension Theo would get this time.
***
Jade woke upslowly, her head foggy from medication, her mouth dry. She blinked and her eyes focused on the darkened room. Sunlight streamed from behind the shades, so she knew it was still daytime. How long had she been asleep? Her head still hurt but the pounding had lessened enough that she could get up and walk around without feeling her temples throb with every step.