This.This was why I had been avoiding not only admitting my problem, but telling others. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I hadn’t just avoided telling my boys about the bullying because I didn’t want them involved. No, it was very clear that now I had to reckon with the notion that bullying had created and allowed a much larger and dangerous problem to grow in my life. One I couldn’t avoid and one I had no idea how to approach successfully to fix.
Was there a fix?
I wasn’t positive there was when you viewed food and eating the way I did. When it became everything, it was impossible to not consider it every time that you took a bite. Every time you ordered something on the menu.
I hadn’t confirmed my eating issue to my boys, not fully, but they knew. I was almost positive.
The worst part? Unlike the bullying, it changed nothing. It was one of the reasons books and movies that dealt with anxiety, depression, and eating disorders drove me crazy, because there wasn’t an easy fix. It wasn’t like their love would suddenly resolve the much deeper issue that I had, the craving for control and a lack of love and confidence I had for myself. Sure, reassurance helped, a lot. But did it change the fact that not weighing myself made me feel out of control? Or that I would have a good or bad day based on the number on the scale?
No, it didn’t.
Finding out the men I loved felt the same way was absolutely amazing. But the raw truth of the matter? I still had a problem. A problem that I felt ill-equipped to handle on my own. Where did I even begin?
“Princess?” Kingston’s warm voice, filled with a darkness that had seemed to develop this past summer, had my gaze flicking up from the scale. I opened my lips to say something… maybe sorry? But for what? I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but suddenly I felt guilty. It made no sense.
Maybe because I hadn’t said the words to him? Admitted what was truly wrong with my broken psyche?
“Morning.” I offered a small, hesitant smile, knowing he would see through it.
Sometimes I felt like the man could see into my very being, and that made me a nervous wreck. I also loved the idea of being that connected… it was very confusing.
The questioning look on his handsome, sculpted face told me that he was aware of what I had been doing, or had at least been watching me for a bit, making me wonder how I hadn’t heard the door open. His eyes flashed down to the scale before looking back up at me again, his silence making me know that he was waiting for me to say something. Giving me some time to formulate how I wanted to handle this.
I didn’t think for a second he would let it go.
When his large hand slid up my arm, cupping my shoulder and then moving across my collarbone to the hollow of my throat, my body trembled slightly. I let out a small, breathy sigh of relief as he stepped closer, his massive frame shadowing me in his warmth as his thumb ran over the pulse at the base of my throat, making my eyes feel heavy. The man had far too much influence over my body.
“Are you okay?” His voice rolled over my skin as my fingers ran up his chest and tightened on the fresh shirt he had changed into. Had he run home to change? Now that I was looking at him, he looked like he may have done just that and also gotten in a quick shower. He was dressed in a pair of dark gray suit pants and an untucked button-down that was rolled to his forearms, the material tailored to hit his chest perfectly. He looked far too handsome for this early in the morning, making me wonder how he managed that on little to no sleep.
Inhaling his cigar and vanilla scent, I looked all the way up to meet his gaze, forgetting his question because I was distracted by the way the morning light danced on his honey-blonde hair.
“Dahlia.” His voice thickened with warning and heat as that darker side of King that I was learning to love to play with flashed across his face, making me want to talk about everythingbutthe scale on the floor next to us.
I wanted to see that expression on his face far more often. It reminded me of the intoxicating way he had looked at me while pinning me to my bed, his fingers taunting my bare skin, before tasting just how much he affected me. Although, if he wanted to know now, all he had to do was slide his fingers between my legs. Or better yet, slide his large…
King’s fingers tipped my chin up to where my gaze had been moving down his body. His expression was both amused and hot.
“Just gathering my thoughts.” I bit down on my lip and his eyes sharpened on the action, his energy intensifying and nearly pulling me into the all-encompassing vortex that was this amazing man. That was how it always was with Kingston, though. He had an element to his personality that truly intoxicated me. I couldn’t control it. It was past my ability to do so, and that was just how the two of us existed in the world when we were alone.
I swallowed a bit nervously, not knowing how to explain myself.
His expression changed, softening as he seemed to consider something. I saw when he decided to back down from the scale conversation, but I knew it was a temporary reprieve. One I was nonetheless thankful for.
“Coffee may help with that,” he pointed out, his lips pressing into a sexy, relaxed smile. This King, the one I had spent most of my life with, I was a bit more comfortable with. I leaned into him easily, running my fingers over his chest as a happy sound left his throat, his arms tightening around me.
“That sounds wonderful,” I murmured a bit sleepily and then smiled. “Have I ever told you that I love your ideas?”
And you.
“Is that all you love?” He chuckled softly, his fingers brushing up my jaw again to tilt my head back. His lips brushed mine in a gentle kiss as my body absolutely melted into his hard frame.
The man knew me far too well.
“Say it,” he demanded softly, his eyes flashing down to my lips.
“I love you, King.” I shivered at the heat there as he leaned forward and nipped my bottom lip, still sore from his treatment of it the other day.
“I love you more than you will probably ever realize, Dahlia.”