I looked at the four of them and sighed, nibbling my lip, “I hope you won’t be disappointed if I can’t. I just don’t understand why I haven’t yet, you know?”
“We just have to figure it out, but the first thing we should do is shift for you to see if something clicks,” Henry confirmed. “But no matter what, honey, you won’t be disappointing us. I promise.”
I nodded, their affirmations making me feel better, and continued to draw, zoning out slightly as they quietly talked about different solutions. I considered some of what they were saying and I realized Croy may be right with the notion of high emotion. I think the closest I’d ever felt to anything like shifting, or at least some type of difference in how I normally felt, was when I’d gotten so mad at Becky Ash. I think I may have been the reason her hair caught on fire. I wish it had been purposeful...you know so I understood what it felt like. Not because I wanted her hair on fire again or anything. I mean, clearly also when I was reborn, but I’d been unconscious so I had no idea what that felt like.
Without explaining myself, I finally stood up wondering how long it was going to take Marco and the others. My weekend off made me forget how many eyes were on me and now it felt even worse. I mean come on, seriously? What was I doing that wasthatinteresting.
I’d get it if I was like doing something super cool. But drawing in a school library? I mean, unless I’d got humans all wrong so far. But my interpretation was they considered cooler stuff more interesting. Then again it did seem a lot of the magazines had pictures of celebrities walking across the street or getting coffee. I thought that was a bit weird but maybe they didn’t usually drink coffee? Honestly, it probably just came down to the fact that I was a suspect in a murder. It seemed everyone loved a good drama.
I shook my head and began to roam the nearby bookshelves, feeling much better now that I was standing and walking while my brain started to run a million miles an hour. Honestly, this had been a very odd weekend, which was saying something considering my lack of comparison. I wasn’t positive about what I needed specifically to feel more grounded, but something for sure.
I nibbled my lip slightly knowing that I felt better around my mates. But was that healthy? Hadn’t I read something about not being reliant on your partner? I groaned running a hand through my hair as I turned down another aisle.
The entire school felt a bit draftier than I remembered it and the wood floors under my feet were worn. The lack of lighting made me feel like each corner had shadows watching me. I squeaked as a hand came around my waist and spun me so that I was looking right up into Ledger’s burning indigo eyes.
“You surprised me,” I admitted, feeling a bit overwhelmed.
“You look like you're panicking,” he caught my jaw gently and studied my expression before frowning, “why?”
I couldn’t lie even if I wanted to, “Just feeling a bit off...I’m worried that I rely on you all so much, is that bad? I mean what happens if...if, something doesn’t work out.”
“Hey,” Ledger pulled me against him, “Firefly, there is absolutely no reason to be thinking about that. We aren’t going anywhere and you sure as hell aren’t going anywhere. In terms of relying on us...it is absolutely nothing compared to how much we need you. Trust me Maya, if anyone needs someone, it’s us who need you.”
“So we need each other?” I asked softly.
He hummed in agreeance and intertwined his hand with mine as we began to walk through each section. Each aisle was labeled differently and he explained what I’d find in each. I was a bit distracted though because he was so handsome. His smile made me smile. That was no doubt a bit silly but it was completely true.
“You guys ready to head out?” Anani asked, leaning against the bookshelf, watching us with a small smile I didn’t fully understand.
“Yep,” I popped the ‘p’ and walked back towards the others, really glad that I’d blurted my thoughts out to Ledger. I felt way better.
“Marco texted me,” Henry noted as I grabbed my bag and we walked out of the library. Croy took my bag with a scowl and I laughed because I truly had no idea why it upset them when I tried to carry my own stuff. Then again, if they wanted to carry stuff for me, I wasn’t going to complain at all.
“I’ll be right back,” I noted heading towards the bathroom down the hall. I wanted to wash my hands after touching all of the dusty books, my fingertips covered in the grimy substance. Standing at the sink, washing with warm water, I studied my appearance.
Growing up how I did, I’d never given a lot of thought to how I looked. I mean, what was I going to compare myself to? Now though, after being in school, traveling, and all my reading it was starting to become very obvious that women’s looks were very important in this world. Specifically to humans. I had been confused when they’d been talking about how someone was dressing while noting that she was being awarded a medal for a scientific achievement. How did that even correlate? My eyes traced my form as I turned to the side drying my hands. Was I supposed to be curvier?
I had a fairly proportional body right? I had C size boobs, not that I really understood women’s clothing sizes to begin with. I was small in some stores and large in others. Like how the heck were you supposed to know what to buy. Why did the media keep talking about how I looked? They even wrote an article Jordan sent me about whether my hair was natural or extensions. I had no flippin’ idea you could even extend your hair! I groaned, shaking my head and trying to put it from my mind.
Not like I could change what I looked like anyway, I should be happy with how I am. I was walking around outside of a basement and fully functioning. That was good enough for me, considering you know...I’d died.
Tossing the paper towels, the door swung open and in walked a few girls laughing and whispering quietly. I froze as their eyes fell on me.
“Oh hey, Maya.” One of them stood in the way of the door as the others went towards the sink, turning them on and washing their hands. The action still made me uncomfortable. All of this felt very, very off.
“Hey,” I said evenly. I recognized this girl, she was one of Becky’s friends. She’d helped spread the photos of my mother hitting me throughout the hallway so the entire student body could see my shame. Photos that no doubt had made it into the media at some point in time. I tried to move to go past her but she tugged my sweater back, causing me to stumble slightly, surprised that she’d grabbed me. What the heck was her problem?
“Where are you going?” she hissed, rounding to face me. Making me step back further, “Off to keep those boys happy so you have somewhere to fucking sleep, trailer trash?”
“Move,” I demanded, feeling my chest flutter as my fists clenched. I could feel the other two girls right behind me, not touching me but very much in my space.
“No,” she hissed, her green eyes lit up with annoyance. “You had Ash kicked out of fucking school all because you complained to the guys that you spread your legs for. I should smash your face into these fucking tiles or in the toliet, where you belong.” The venom from her had my pulse beating fast.
I continued to gauge how much it would take to move right past her. Could I stop her if she pulled me back again? I know Croy said I would probably become stronger and faster when I came into my powers...but for now, I was screwed. I had no idea what I was capable of. I didn’t want to over do it either and kill her.
“I have done nothing to you,” I growled, feeling my chest grow with heat.
“You had my fucking friend commited, you dumb bitch!” she snarled and I grunted as one of the girls tugged me from behind, making me slip a bit as the girl in front of me hit her fist right into my nose.