Chapter Four
Sirisbeinggentle.That’s the first thought that comes to Carter when he slowly emerges from the fuzzy safety of his mind. Sir is being very, very gentle.
They’re wet. In a bath, he realizes, bubbles fizzing against his back. His chest is against something warm, as is his cheek. It smells familiar. Not like the soap, but like…someone. Likesir.
Because sir is holding him.
Because sir is beinggentle.
The sting of the hot water against his abused backside is what finally jars Carter into full awareness. He tenses up in sir’s –no, Nathan’s, not sir’s– arms.
Nathan –or is it Travis?– tenses too.
Carter shoves away from him, gritting his teeth to keep from making noise as the movements make his body ache and sting. He's a little dizzy, but he manages to get to the opposite side of the tub without problem. Nathan -is he safe with Nathan?- doesn't chase after him, remaining on the other end. He brings his arms up and bends them to rest his elbows on the lip of the tub. His hands are in plain view. Carter can't help but wonder if they're meant to be a threat, or if he's trying to show Carter there's nothing to fear.
Carter is hurt. In pain.Why? What happened? Did Nathan – sir? – hurt him?
“This is a dumb question, but how are you feeling?”
Carter bites the inside of his cheek, staring at the man across from him. His neck has a scratch down the side, red and angry. There's a cut on his lip. His cheek is turning purple-blue. Carter remembers. He had hurt Nathan -Travis?- earlier today. And he needed to punish Carter for it. So they decided on…
“Things got a little out of hand, perhaps. I didn't realize how hard I was hitting you. I didn't break the skin, but you're pretty marked up," Nathan -sir? Travis?- rasps, his voice low and raw with too many emotions. "And you’re still not fully healed from the Kensington’s party. Are you alright?”
No. Carter isn’t alright.Nothingis alright.
Carter wraps his arms around himself. He’s not sure if it’s out of a desire to be protected or to be comforted. He supposes he could use a little of both right now.
“Carter?” the man -the monster?- asks carefully. "You can have some of the pills Benny has in his stash if you’d be comfortable with that. There’s no reason for you to feel unnecessary pain. We can get you ice, too. You just have to tell me what you need, Carter." His -Travis? Nathan?- words are thick with guilt.
Is it Travis that feels guilty? Just that tiny part of him? Or does all of him feel guilty?
“I’m sorry. Is that what you need me to say right now? Is that what you need from me? I’m so fucking sorry. For all of this, Carter…”
That’s Travis talking. It must be.
Does that mean Nathan and sir enjoy doing what they do to Carter? Is it only that tiny part of this man - the part that's Travis - that struggles with it? Does he even struggle with it? Or is he just afraid of getting in trouble?
“Do you want to talk to Maison maybe? I know you haven’t been ready to…”
Does it matter if only the part of him that’s Travis cares?
Yes.
But why? Because Carter is afraid of the other parts? Or because Carter is desperate for all the parts to love him?
Carter isn’t sure he wants to know the answer to that one…
Carter thinks he already knows it anyway.
God, he’s so fucked up in the head.
“I can’t leave, I’m sorry. And you can't be alone. That was too intense. I can’t - I won’t let you be alone tonight. Someone needs to take care of you. Even if you feel okay physically, your mental state could plummet.”
Carter huffs. He speaks without thinking. “You sound like a real dom.”
The man’s lips twitch toward a sad smile. “I’ve always wanted to be one. Probably my deepest desire. Obviously, I haven’t indulged, but…”
Carter hadn’t known that. He supposes there’s probably a lot about this man that he doesn’t know.