“But you get to come home to Nylah every night. She’s real and here in flesh and blood. All that I see is a fuckin’ ghost.”
It was true.
The ghost of her was everywhere I looked . . . soft touches on my skin, her delicate scent, even the whisper of her smooth, sultry voice. Every time I turned my head, I expected to see her pretty smile. Every single day I woke up with the knowledge that she was gone forever.
Rael didn’t understand what I was going through. No one did. You could never truly understand loss until you’d been loved by an angel and then had her ripped cruelly from your grasp without any hope of her return. That’s what it was like.
One moment I was flying high, happy and content with the knowledge that my girl was the love of my life and she loved me as much as I loved her. The next, I was torn into pieces and shattered by the news that she had disappeared. The worst part was learning that her body had been discovered, carved into by a blade from the same fucking Russians that were terrorizing Nevada with a human trafficking ring.
Four months, nine days, seventeen hours, twenty-three minutes, and five seconds since my star stopped shining.
It was a lonely, empty, dark world without Stefanie in it.
A flicker of emotion crossed the cocky, confident biker’s expression. One fleeting moment of vulnerability few ever caught from the Sergeant at Arms of the club. Weakness was no virtue to Rael. He didn’t show his soft side to anyone but Nylah and me.
“I hear you, and I can’t fucking argue with the truth.” He slumped against the wall. “Fuck. I just wanted you to feel less alone, kid. I needed to know you’d be alright because it fucking hurts right here,” he croaked, shoving his fist into his chest over his heart, “when I see the pain in your eyes.”
Tears filled my eyes in response, but there was no way I’d let those traitorous fuckers fall. Sucking in a breath, I rushed forward and threw my arms around Rael, hugging him tightly.
That was the second Royal Bastard I’d hugged, and I expected the same awkward reaction as I’d gotten from Grim. Rael surprised me when he hugged me back, lifting me off the ground in some manly version of a bear hug. He ruffled the hair on my head as he released me and chuckled, already discarding the heaviness of our conversation.
“You come to me, son. Anytime. Prospect or not, I’ve got your back. Gave my word and vouched for you, and I haven’t regretted it a single day.”
Lifting my chin, I nodded, accepting all he said because I needed his support. I was drowning a little more each day and barely treading water. It would be so easy to give up. But I wasn’t the type of person who let fate fuck me over. No, I was going to figure out what happened to my girl. I’d learn who hurt her, and I’d find a new way to make them suffer. I’d invent forms of torment no one could ever fathom.
I had a crater-sized hole in my heart, and if I couldn’t fill it with love from my star and life, I’d fill it with blood and justice for her death.
THE DRY DESERT AIRwas cooler now that night had fallen across the Great Basin. A shy moon peeked behind layers of filmy gray clouds. Stars twinkled overhead, and I caught the last of the plum-colored rays as they sank below the horizon.
This was Stefanie’s favorite time of the day, or it was when I arrived at her grave.
Twilight.
The same sort of sky where I watched her dance in the fading light and when I knew without a doubt that I loved her, would trade my life for hers, and nothing would stop me from making her mine. A night when the possibility of a future had seemed so promising and the slightest touch of her fingers brushing across my own blossomed hope in my heart. We had our first kiss under similar stars, and when her head rested on my shoulder, I’d never felt more complete.
We shared an ice cream cone that night, and I licked a creamy drop off the side of her sweet mouth. I pledged my soul to her in silence, handing over my heart because no other girl was ever going to mean as much to me as my pretty pageant girl.
Staring down at her grave, I blew out a breath, nodding my head once before I spun on my heel and headed back to my bike. The engine rumbled as I left the cemetery and rolled down the road with only one destination in mind.
My focus was singular. I paid no attention to the landmarks, the quiet roads, or the cool temperature of the breeze as it whispered across my skin, begging me to turn around and choose a different path.
It wasn’t possible.
When Stefanie was murdered, my choice was made.
The only thing left was the rage. It blocked out the pain. The sorrow. The guilt.
The flame from my lighter flickered in the careless wind as I started my smoke and pulled to a stop at my destination, inhaling the nicotine into my lungs as my lips lifted into the briefest of smiles.
Vindication. Vengeance. An eye for an eye.
None of those words was any comparison.
I wasn’t justice or revenge tonight.
I was death.And there would be no mercy.
If my club knew my plans and the ruthless brutality that I would carry them out, no one would have let me outside the gates of the compound. Wars were started by the kind of vigilante shit I was doing tonight, but I didn’t give a fuck. Let every asshole who thought he could take me on give it a try. I wasn’t just a crippled boy with everything to lose. Now I was an arrogant, vengeful motherfucker who didn’t have a damn thing holding him back.