Hesitantly, I let my palm slowly rest all the way against the light stubble on his cheek. Our eyes remained locked the entire time.
Patriot inhaled and exhaled, the movement connecting us chest to chest. Curious, I lifted my other hand and cupped his other cheek, both hands resting against his face.
“You’re so warm.” I didn’t know why that was my only observation.
Sex was a simple transaction, two bodies merging for brief moments. Sometimes they fulfilled a need. Other times it was only one-sided.
As our skin touched, my experience with Patriot was so much more than a simple touch, so much deeper than a fleeting intimacy. He closed his eyes and sighed, opening them again with a small smile.
“Do you feel it?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Then you know what I meant.”
I did. “Dale,” I whispered as his grip tightened. “I’m afraid of everything, but the scariest thing of all? It’s wondering if I’ll ever be able to be with a man again.”
“You don’t need to worry,” he whispered, turning his head, and placing a kiss on my right palm. “If you weren’t capable, you would never be able to do what you are right now.”
Surprised, I knew he was right.
“I’m gonna be okay.” My words choked off, but I didn’t cry. Instead, I dropped my hands and hugged him around the neck. “Thank you, Patriot. That just gave me so much hope.”
“That’s why I did it, sunshine. Hope is the most powerful emotion in the whole world.”
MY ARM BEGAN TO ITCH and I glanced down, noticing the scars on my skin. My body was etched into and carved with the proof of my horrific past. Those scars would never fade completely.
I would always have to endure their presence along with the way my jaw still clicked and snapped at odd times and the fingers on my left hand weren’t quite straight anymore. Slash marks covered my stomach, breasts, and arms in various stages of healing. I’d been dragged down into the pit of Hell but I was also pulled out of it.
I’d always be grateful to the Royal Bastards MC for chasing down Alexi that night. They saved my life and gave me another chance. I wasn’t sure how I would repay the kindness I’d been given but I would find a way.
Maybe I really could start over. I wanted to try. It was hard to take that first step especially with all the bridges I burned in my past. Losing friends, jobs, and my own self-respect was nothing compared to the fact that my own parents had cut all ties, but Nylah never stopped loving me even in all my brokenness. She gave me the strength to keep going.
Patriot and my sister believed in me. I wasn’t sure I believed in myself but I wouldn’t know unless I made the effort. Truth was, reaching out was scary as hell. What if I failed? What if I let them down?
Tears filled my eyes and I brushed them hastily aside, lifting my head to find Patriot standing in front of me, his intense gaze betraying his concern.
“What’s the matter, Mimi?”
I could hide the truth but what was the point? “I’m barely staying afloat,” I admitted, “and I don’t know what to do.”
“Just keep your head above water,” Patriot advised with a whisper, moving closer.
“And If I feel like I’m drowning?”
“Then remember, sunshine,” he pleaded, his fingertip caressing my jaw as his hand lifted, “I’m out there. Your own personal lifesaver. Just ask me to throw you the line.”
My voice caught as I replied, tears threatening to fall again. “I’m not too good at reaching out.”
“That’s alright. It might be hard after everything you’ve been though but I know how to reach you even in high tide.”
The sentiment was nice but I wasn’t so sure. “Sometimes the waves pull you under.”
“That’s the great thing about a lifesaver, honey. They can reach out in shallow or deep water.”
That hope he mentioned once hovered on the edges of my heart and desperately wanted to sink in.
“Let me be your lifeline, Mimi.”