Anger rose up inside Caleb. It wasn’t fair that his father’s life had been cut short. It had altered Caleb’s whole life. Clearly, Rayna had suffered. She had lost the love of her life. Her child’s father. But he still didn’t know about the circumstances of the fire. Or whether he’d been abused. Had she really resorted to prostitution? None of it gelled with the woman sitting before him. She seemed gentle and kind, loving and warm. But that didn’t add up to a woman who had given up custody of her child.
“Ask me anything, Caleb. I can see the questions lurking in your eyes.”
“I still have scars from the fire,” he blurted out. “I would like to know how it happened. Why was I alone?”
Rayna winced at his question. She let out a deep breath. “That’s a hard topic, but I know it’s important. I worked a night job. Normally, I hired a babysitter, Mrs. Robbins to watch you.”
“Chandra’s mother? I remember her,” Caleb said. A flash of memory washed over him of the two of them sitting at a table eating popcorn and working on a puzzle. “She liked puzzles, didn’t she?”
Rayna bobbed her head. “Yes! Yes, she did. She called you her puzzle buddy.”
“That sounds familiar,” he said, shocked at how much was coming at him now, fast and furiously.
“I couldn’t afford to hire her this particular night. I hated to leave you by yourself, but we really needed the money. For rent and food. I know it must sound awful, but I was desperate, Caleb. I knew it wasn’t right, but I left you by yourself that night so I could go clean office buildings. It was the worst mistake I ever made in my life, bar none. And I’m so terribly ashamed of what I did.”
He felt relief flood through him. “You cleaned offices?”
She frowned at him. “Yes. Why do you seem surprised?”
He didn’t want to tell her. It would sound so insulting. But hadn’t they just talked about complete honesty?
“I have a memory of being at the foster care agency. The women sitting at their desks were talking about me…about us. They said you were a prostitute.”
Rayna let out a shocked sound. “Oh, my heavens. That’s a lie. I would never have resorted to that. I worked a night job cleaning offices on my hands and knees.” She let out a sob. “Have you been of that belief all these years?”
Caleb looked away from the pain in her eyes. “To be honest, I haven’t t
hought about it much. I’ve tucked away most of those memories. But I do remember that day and sitting there listening to those women. They were cruel and insensitive to the fact that I was sitting nearby and could hear every word they uttered. I didn’t like the way they spoke about you.”
“People make judgments about people all the time. They didn’t know our story so they created their own narrative. I’m so sorry if it hurt you.” She paused for a moment. “I’m so sorry if I hurt you, Caleb. Someone in our apartment building left a candle unsupervised. That’s how the blaze started. By the time I got off work, I arrived at the apartment building and saw the aftermath of the horrific fire. I was frantic to find you. The firemen had rescued you, but not before you had sustained serious burns. When I got to the hospital, the police were there to greet me. I was arrested for child endangerment. Before they took me away, one of the officers had pity on me and they let me get a peek of you.” She shuddered. “I’ll never forget the sight of you howling with pain as they bandaged you up. That memory will stay with me forever. When you finally drifted off to sleep I sat at your bedside for a few moments and prayed to God for forgiveness. I prayed He would heal you.”
“I made the decision to give you up after realizing that it was my fault. All of it. I couldn’t care for you. I was depressed and I was leaning on drugs to keep me awake, then to get me to sleep. I was a good mother at heart, but I wasn’t being a good mother during that time.”
Caleb felt a stabbing sensation in the region of his heart. She had been trying to do her best to keep their family unit together. Her decision to leave him alone that night hadn’t been a wise one. But it had been born out of desperation. She wasn’t responsible for the fire. She wasn’t an abusive mother. And he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she’d loved him. And loved him still. It radiated from her face. He could hear it ringing out in her voice. And although the memories were sporadic, he remembered being loved by Rayna. And loving her deeply in return. And he knew now why the memories had been locked away. It had been far too painful for him to rationalize being given up by a loving mother. Now, at long last, those shadows could fade away.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he said. “For so long, I imagined it was. I thought you might never have loved me at all. But I remember being loved by you. And I remember loving my mother. I’m not imagining those things.”
Tears gathered in her dark eyes. “Oh, Caleb. You’ve just given me the greatest gift. I’ve managed to rebuild my life, but I never was able to rid myself of the guilt. It’s a blessing you have some good memories of your early years.”
“Hearing all of this from you is healing a wound I’ve tried to camouflage all this time. Knowing I was truly loved is such a blessing. It gives me peace.”
“I’m glad. Did you end up with a loving family?” Rayna asked, twisting her fingers in her lap. “That’s also weighed on me.”
Caleb grinned and nodded his head. “The most loving you can ever imagine. I’m one of eight kids. My parents—Jude and Penelope—own a diner and we were raised right by the ocean. It was a wonderful upbringing.” He reached out and squeezed her hand tightly. “You did a good thing, Rayna. An unselfish, loving thing.”
Her shoulders sagged and she began to cry. Caleb reached out and enfolded her in his arms. He rocked her side to side and began to soothe her. He felt love for this woman unfurling in his heart. It was miraculous, considering two decades sat between them. But he remembered enough about her to know what she had done for him. And how she’d loved and nurtured him. He didn’t know what the future held for their relationship, but for this moment in time, it was enough to simply hold her in his arms. This woman had given him life. And despite all the misfortune life had thrown her way, she had loved him enough to give him a better life.
She had given him the missing puzzle pieces of his life. And for the first time in forever, he felt whole.
**
While Caleb was meeting with Rayna, Addie was walking around the beautiful grounds of the inn. It was oceanfront property with an amazing beach and sweeping views. When her cell phone rang, she reached for it, immediately noticing her father’s number on the screen.
“Daddy! I’ve been trying to reach you for days.”
“Addie. It’s good to hear your voice. You made me nervous with the urgent message. I actually called your mother to make sure you weren’t in an accident or something. She assured me that you were fine.”
“I’m doing well. I’m not at the bistro today, but something happened the other day that I’m worried about.”