For a moment he thought he’d gotten through to her. She met his gaze and he saw a spark of something in her eyes that made him believe she cared about him enough to unveil herself.
“No, Connor. There isn’t,” she answered.
Her response almost brought him to his knees. He’d been holding on to hope until this very moment and praying for her to come to her senses. Instead, she’d flatly rejected his plea. And judging by the reserved look on her face, it didn’t bother her at all.
He let out a ragged sigh, then stood up from his seat. “Thanks, Ella. You’ve made everything perfectly clear. I’ll see myself out.”
Just as he reached the door, Ella called out to him. “Connor. Wait!”
Hope rocketed inside of him. Please, God. Answer my prayer.
“I’m so sorry,” she said.
“I am, too,” Connor said before stepping out the door. He didn’t bother looking back. Ella had made it clear that she wasn’t willing to bend in order to be with him.
After he got in his truck, Connor roared down the road, trying his best to leave all thoughts of Ella Perez in his rearview mirror.
* * *
As she covertly peered through the window and watched Connor drive away, Isabelle’s heart cracked into a million pieces. She knew she should feel relieved that her friendship with Connor was over. At least now she wouldn’t have to feel guilty any longer about the secrets she was withholding from him. She wouldn’t have to agonize about every slip of the tongue or the answers she could never provide to his questions. Shouldn’t she feel free right now? Free from having to tell the man she loved more lies. Somewhere along the way she’d fallen in love with Connor, which totally explained the knifelike sensation twisting in her gut. He would no longer be involved in her life. She’d seen it written all over his face right before he left.
When she was a little girl, she’d had a habit of curling up into a little ball and shutting out the world anytime she had been in pain. Although she’d outgrown the habit, this fresh hurt made her long to revert back to old patterns. Maybe she could forget about Connor and her feelings for him. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt so badly if she stuffed them all down into a vast black hole and pretended as if nothing had happened between them at all.
When thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
Yet she did feel terribly burned. She had gotten way too close to Connor, mistakenly believing that friendship would suffice even though her feelings had blossomed over time. Isabelle had hurt him. She’d seen the raw pain emanating from his eyes. He was a proud man who always tried to shield himself from emotional upheaval. It was a defense mechanism he’d constructed as a child due to the trauma of Sage’s abduction. And now, thanks to her, Connor was dealing with more anguish. She’d wounded him. And that knowledge caused a twisting sensation in the pit of her stomach. Tears swept down her face. She’d lost Connor’s goodwill and friendship. Their relationship had been littered with half-truths. The foundation had been weak at its core.
He didn’t even know her real name. She’d never had the pleasure of hearing him call her Isabelle. And now she never would. Everything felt bleak now. Suddenly her life in Owl Creek felt smaller and less substantial. Connor’s absence would leave a hole the size of Kachemak Bay.
Lord, please help me heal this broken heart. I love this man with all of my soul and I can’t erase what he means to me. The emotions run too deep. He’s too firmly embedded in my heart. And I fear he will always be there.
A knock on her door startled her from her prayers. Was it Connor? Had he come back to try to straighten things out? She raced to the door and flung it open, wanting nothing more than to see Connor’s handsome face greeting her. Her body sagged as she saw Sage standing at her doorstep.
“Sage,” she said. Isabelle could hear the disappointment lacing her own voice.
“Ella! Did you forget I was swinging by to pick you up?” Sage asked.
“Yes. No. I guess so,” she said. She’d made plans with Sage to check out the vintage store on Main Street. They were meeting up with Piper and Rachel so they could shop and have lunch together at the diner.
“What’s wrong? You look shattered. Did something happen?”
“Oh, no. I’m fine,” she said. Her voice was trembling and she could feel the hot sting of tears in her eyes. Before she knew it, tears were streaming down her face.
Sage reached out and pulled her into her arms. Something broke inside her as Sage began whispering soothing words of encouragement. Isabelle began to sob, huge heart-wrenching cries spilling out of her. She had been trying to hold it together for so long now. In the process she had stuffed down all of her feelings of distress, anxiety and pain. In order to make a successful transition to the Witness Protection Program, Isabelle had been forced to maintain a good-natured facade so as not to arouse suspicion. It had all taken a tremendous toll on her.
She wasn’t fine. Not by a long shot.
* * *
Connor wasn’t all right. The weight of pretending as if everything was fine was beginning to weigh on him. He’d managed to sit through a special dinner at his parents’ house without choking on his food. Thankfully, the dinner was in Piper and Braden’s honor. All attention was focused on their wedding tomorrow. Just watching the joyous couple made him think about Ella and all that she meant to him. It hurt so much to come to terms with the fact that she didn’t trust him enough to come clean. Why did this cause him so much angst? Why did she have such an effect on him?
Needing a breath of fresh air, Connor walked toward the front door, shrugging into his jacket before heading outside. The moon hung up in the velvety darkness like a beacon guiding travelers home. He thought back to the night he’d watched the blood moon with Ella and they’d shared tender kisses. That evening had been full of so much promise. Until the bottom had fallen out of his world.
How could he heal this awful ache inside of him when he couldn’t even look at an Alaskan sky without thinking about her? Missing her. Wanting to hold her in his arms. Wanting way more than he’d ever been able to claim.
A slight sound caused him to turn around. His grandfather was behind him, bundled up in his winter coat.
“What’re you doing out here? It’s pretty cold this evening.”