She was fresh out of graduate school, inexperienced, and full of aspirations. She was a stark contrast to her cynical boss.
I thought, like the others before her, she wasn’t going to last a year with me. But June had persisted, despite my lash-outs and coldness. Then one night, I caught her crying at the gallery in New York.
She had been so drunk that she could barely stand. I’d stooped in front of her and asked what was wrong. She’d raised her eyes to mine, glazed and disoriented. Then, proceeded to cuss at me while admitting her respect and admiration of my craft.
Her sincerity touched me.
At that point, our relationship shifted, although she never remembered any of the things she did that night. It wasn’t an easy ride, but we’ve come far.
It’s been ten years.
“Drink up,” June says, pushing the plastic cup in my face.
I take the cup from her with a small smile and take a satisfying sip. I instantly feel much better as the cool liquid clears the dryness in my throat.
I look up at the doctor with a small smile.
“So, it seems I’m dying, Doc,” I say in a light voice. “Heart attack, you say?”
“How can you even joke around at a time like this?” June asks with a loud scoff, blinking at me in disbelief.
“Isn’t a heart attack a big deal?” I ask with a careless shrug. “It just means I’m closer to the inevitable end.”
“You are not dying, Mr. Harden,” the doctor says with a slightly amused smile. “You didn’t have a heart attack either, at least not yet. It seems like Miss Barley misunderstood me earlier.”
“Oh, what happened then if it’s not a heart attack,” I ask, leaning over to replace the plastic cup on the bedside table.
“I was just explaining to Miss Barley that you’re susceptible to having an attack, and your sudden fainting was a huge indicator,” the doctor replies. “What happened to you was caused by excessive stress, which led to the plaque buildup that caused you to faint. Stress is a major risk factor for developing a heart attack. So as it is now, I would advise that you take things easy for a while.”
I cock my head to the side, feigning an ignorant frown. “I rest enough, though. I practically don’t have to lift a finger.”
“Quit joking around, Abe,” June says with a soft sigh. “This is serious. Your health is in jeopardy, and I don’t like that at all.”
I turn to look at her face, and I’m not surprised to see her blinking back tears. I place my hand lightly on hers and smile reassuringly. “I’m fine, June.”
June shakes her head, catching a teardrop with the back of her palm. “Yeah,” she murmurs with a disbelieving scoff. “I know.”
I softly smile and give her a small reassuring squeeze. Or maybe that’s me taking some form of comfort for myself while trying to wrap my head around the current state of things.
I hate being in situations that I have no control over.
I hate the gripping feeling that my life is about to head down a sloppy curve, and I barely have a slipper grasp on the reins.
And among the one thousand and one emotions storming through me at the moment, one stands out...a feeble shadow, foreign yet so familiar.
Fear.
It’s one emotion I’ve forgotten how to feel...I killed it a long time ago. It’s got nothing on me now, but what’s this strange trickle fighting for validation in the pit of my stomach?
A loud beep interrupts the tense silence. We both turn our attention to the doctor whom we’d somehow forgotten. He glances at his phone and back at June and me with a professionally encompassing smile.
“It seems I need to go now,” the doctor says. “Please, ensure to take things easy for the next couple of months.”
“Thanks, Doc,” I say with an appreciative smile, already going over the details of my next project in my head.
Surely I’m not expected to lie about without doing anything just because I might drop dead...Right?
The doctor replies with a curt nod and turns to leave the room. I return my attention to June, glad to see that she’s calmer now. It means she’s back to the effective secretary mode.