I had to stop myself from bursting into tears.
"Makayla," I called, and she looked up. Seeing me, she smiled.
"Mommy! Look at these puppies! Aren't they cute?"
"Makayla," I said again, rushing over to her, "What are you doing here by yourself?"
"I..." she blinked, and I watched the realization that something was wrong dawn on her.
"I just came back to see the puppies. Cassius and I came to look at them earlier. They're so cute. I told him I was coming back. I thought he might want to come with me, but he didn't, so I just came by myself." She looked at my face, seeming to realize that I was upset but not sure why. "I looked both ways before I crossed the street." I closed my eyes and tried to breathe deeply.
"Makayla, you know you have to always stay with an adult," I said.
"I'm sorry, Mommy," she said, and her face crinkled in concern. I tried to control my emotions. The last thing I needed to do was to make Makayla cry, too. "He was just at the park."
"I understand. But you can't ever go anywhere by yourself, okay? It's not safe."
"Okay," she said.
"We have to go home now, alright? Come on."
She stood up and took my hand, and I led her out of the store. Cassius and the police officer were standing at the door. I turned to the officer.
"Do I need to do anything else?" I asked him.
"Not officially, no. I would like to get your information, just so I have it on the record."
"I can provide that," Cassius jumped in. "Let me take care of that."
I just stared at him. Finally, I decided that it was the least he could do, nodded, and went toward the car with Makayla. I just wanted to get home and never think about this moment again. I heard Cassius say something to the officer, and then I heard him call my name.
"Deira," he cried, but I just kept walking. "Wait," he gasped, catching up with us and running in front of me. I looked up at him, and my anger must have shown on my face because he took a step back.
"You're upset," he stammered. "You shouldn't drive in this condition. Let me take you home."
"Absolutely not," I said, and pushed past him.
"Deira, wait..." he said, grabbing at my arm.
"Makayla, can you go wait in the car?" I said. Makayla looked from one of us to the other and then nodded. I watched her until she got safely into the car and locked the door with the fob. I turned back to Cassius.
"I know you're mad, and you have every right..."
"Stop talking," I spat at him. He frowned.
"You can't just..."
"This is for your own good," I interrupted. "Trust me, nothing that you say to me right now is going to make anything better, in fact it is just going to make me angrier. If you ever want to see us again, then I advise you to back off! Don't call me! I'll call you!"
His jaw hung open. We'd fought before, but I'd never been this upset. I'd yelled louder at him, sure, but I'd never spoken with this much venom. I could tell he was shocked, and I was glad. I wanted him to take me very seriously. I wanted him to understand that he wasn't going to be able to charm his way out of this one.
I turned on my heel and went to the car, barely containing my emotions. As mad as I was at him, I was equally mad at myself. After all, I'd had doubts. Part of me had felt like I was rushing into this, letting him get too close to us too quickly. I had ignored that part of myself, and look what had happened. He had been careless, but it was ultimately my fault that this had happened. I was Makayla's mother, and it was my job to keep her safe. If I left her with someone that didn't do that, it was ultimately my failure.
I got in the car and realized Makayla was looking at me from the backseat.
"I'm sorry, Mommy," she said.
I sighed. "You shouldn't have wandered away from him, but it was his job to watch you. He should have watched you better. I'm not mad at you, okay?"