I found my eye wandering over the row of arrangements we had going out today and unbidden, my mind jumped back to last week, when that man—Cassius, his name was Cassius—had shown up in the hospital with a bouquet. After he'd left, and Dani had taken Makayla to get dinner, I'd had a chance to look over the bouquet. It was beautiful, and probably quite expensive.
I'd left it in the hospital when I checked out. As beautiful as they were, I didn't need a reminder of the situation I was in. There was no flower beautiful enough to distract me from the overwhelming fear that I would lose my daughter if I wasn't careful.
I'd taken the rental car, but only to drive us back from the hospital. After that, Dani had returned it. She said they'd been very confused when she arrived, because it had been rented for an entire month. I couldn't help myself from looking up how much that would have cost, and then really wished I hadn't. It would have been so helpful to keep the rental, but I didn't want to take any chances. He hadn't seemed to recognize me, and hopefully he would take my disappearance as a blessing. After all, he had been prepared to compensate me for time off work and even buy me a new car. Now he didn't have to worry about that, and would hopefully move on with his life.
I still worried, though, which is why Makayla and I were staying with Dani for a few weeks, and why I was now taking the bus everywhere instead of driving a far too nice rental car.
I finished my shift at the flower shop and took the bus to Makayla's school. It was too early to pick her up, so I went to the nearby public library and used one of their computers to do a job search. All my time now was taken up with riding the bus or looking for a new job. Not having a car added half an hour to my commute to the flower shop and 45 minutes to picking up Makayla from school. It was all a pain, and at least once a day I thought to myself that I was crazy for not keeping that rental car. Maybe I should have just come clean. Or maybe I should have just risked it all and let him buy me a new car. If he hadn't remembered me by now, maybe the danger had passed, and I was being excessively cautious for nothing.
I sighed and tried to focus on the job search. I found two possible openings and emailed them to myself, checked the time, and went to pick up Makayla. As we sat on the bench waiting for the bus, she climbed up onto her knees and examined the healing cuts on my face. She did this at least three times a day.
"Do they look okay?" I asked.
She nodded. "They look good. The doctors did a good job." She sat back down and seemed to get lost in thought. We still hadn't really talked about the accident.
"Makayla, were you worried when I was in the hospital?"
"Worried?" she asked, turning her hazel eyes to me. "I was a little worried. But Aunt Dani said you were okay. I'm happier now your bandages are gone."
She paused, and then added, "I missed you." She slipped her little hand in mine, and I held it tightly.
I'm not crazy, I thought to myself.I can't take even the smallest chance that she'd be taken away from me.
We got back to Dani's and I got Makayla started on her homework before launching into the job applications. I was filling out at least three a day, basically anything that seemed like they might hire me, whether it was a good fit or not. So far, I'd gotten nothing in response. That weekend, I had plans to scour a few neighborhoods for local shops that were hiring. A lot of them didn't put their jobs online, but just placed signs in their windows. That was how I'd found the flower shop job.
After I exhausted the job search options, I looked over my budget again. I'd already eliminated basically everything but rent, food, and bills, but it still wasn't enough. It was time to start seeing which bills I could let slide for a month or two. It occurred to me that because we were staying with Dani, it wouldn't matter if they turned off the electricity. We were already behind a month, so I might as well let it lapse while we weren't there. I figured they'd charge me a fee to restart it, but hopefully by then I'd have found a new job. And if not, well, there was always the option of staying with Dani longer.
I closed the computer and looked around Dani's small one-bedroom apartment. Makayla and I were squeezed onto a two-person table that was the only thing that could fit in the tiny kitchen. The living room just barely had room for the couch and TV, and Dani's bedroom held her queen-size bed and little else. There was basically room to walk around the bed, and that was it. Makayla and I had been sleeping there while Dani slept on the couch.
I sighed and tried not to cry. I knew Dani didn't mind helping us, but I felt horrible taking advantage of her like that. I wondered if I should go back to the restaurant and beg for my job back. When I'd left that night, I'd told myself I was through. But that was several crises ago. As much as it made me cringe, I knew they could use me, and I wasn't above begging if it meant I could pay rent.
I heard a key turning in the lock and seconds later Dani came through the door, shouting "Pizza!" and balancing two large pizza boxes on her head.
"Pizza!" Makayla shouted, jumping up from the table.
"Hey, hey," I called after her. "Is your homework done?"
"Yes, I'm just coloring now," she shouted over her shoulder, already grabbing at the boxes. I cleared up our stuff off the table so Dani could set them down.
"I thought we were just doing leftovers tonight," I said, mentally trying to calculate how much the pizza had cost. Dani shrugged.
"I decided to splurge."
"How much was..." I started.
"Don't worry about it. My treat."
"Dani, we're already staying in your apartment. You don't need to buy us pizza."
"Excuse me, I boughtmyselfpizza. You're just lucky enough to be here."
"Lucky pizza, lucky pizza," Makayla sang, making up her own little tune. Dani and I couldn't help but laugh. Delighted, she continued to make up more verses.
After dinner I put Makayla to bed and Dani hopped in the shower. She came out to find me sitting on the couch, lost in thought. She plopped down next to me.
"So, not that I don't love having you, and you can stay as long as you want, but... how long do you think you need to hide from this guy?"
I shrugged. "I don't know."