Chapter Ten
Dinner at Wild Sage was delicious, but Mar loved Luke’s company best of all. She’d been touched deeply by his insistence that her beauty had nothing to do with her makeup or high heels, and his kisses transported her to another world. She was still in awe that he’d given up a large business deal for her. Did it all mean they were headed to a wonderful world of togetherness? With her self-doubts, she could hardly believe it, but she wanted to.
When she’d been in middle school, she’d tried her hand at praying. She’d prayed desperately for a friend to come into her life, someone to care about her, someone she could be there for as well. A few days later, she’d found Cosette being ridiculed by another girl. Mar had faced the girl down, easily besting the bully in a war of words and sass. She and Cosette had been fast friends ever since. For these past few months when Cosette had been preoccupied with her marriage to Isaac, Mar had been happy for her friend. She’d also prayed wholeheartedly for heavenly intervention, and she believed He’d sent her Luke. She was grateful and in awe at the way it was working out, and she prayed that she didn’t mess it up like she had her past relationships with either her fiery temperament or her lack of self-esteem. Yet Luke said he loved her fire. She sighed. She loved him.
That night, they changed into comfortable clothes—she didn’t wear any shoes and didn’t even care about being short—snuggled on the couch in the great room, and watchedHitch. They laughed at the movie, but Mar mostly savored being close to him.
She was no longer alone. Not anymore. She recognized that their relationship was still developing, and the fears were still there, but for the moment she felt safe, happy, and loved. Being with Luke was heaven for her. She hoped that Isaac and Cosette’s relationship was as wonderful and exciting as this.
The movie finished, and Luke shut off the big-screen television. The house plunged into semi-darkness, only lit by the glow of some decorative lights above the cabinets and some built-in nightlights along the walkways and the stairs.
Mar turned to Luke, tucked her legs underneath her, and tilted her head to study his handsome face. “Tell me something about you that no one knows,” she blurted out. Was that an okay thing to ask in a serious relationship? She wanted to know everything, to be his secret keeper, to be the one he shared with.
Luke stared very seriously at her. “Something little like I have a pink toothbrush, or something big like Caleb and Seth goaded me into blowing up the mayor’s mailbox when I was twelve?”
Mar laughed, but she sobered when his serious gaze didn’t falter. “It’s up to you. I’d love to hear whatever you want to share.” She offered her hand, and he took it.
He traced her palm with his thumb and turned to stare at the dark windows. He didn’t say anything for so long she was afraid her impetuousness had gotten the best of her and she’d asked too nervy of a question. She understood social situations and could navigate any business meeting, but a deep relationship was out of her comfort zone.
Luke turned back to face her, and his shoulders straightened. His face was set as if he were going into battle.
“Luke?” she asked tentatively. “You don’t have to tell me if this is too hard.” What was he going to tell her? Worse yet, if he shared a huge secret, would she share hers? People who’d known her in her childhood and teenage years were aware of how pathetically alone she was, but she’d never told anybody in college or her adult life, especially not anybody she dated.
“I want to tell you.” His normally sparkling blue eyes were so somber she felt a shiver of apprehension. “I feel like for our relationship to progress, I have to tell you.” He clung to her hand. “You said something nobody knows, but my sister Eve knows this secret. Is that okay?”
She nodded, anxious yet intrigued by whatever he was going to tell her. The fact that he wanted their relationship to progress made her ecstatic, yet this secret seemed dark and heavy. He’d truly only told his youngest sister?
He started speaking in a quiet, somber tone, almost as if he were confessing to a priest. “When I was in high school, I thought I was in love.”
Her eyes widened. She’d believed he never dated anyone seriously. She wasn’t going to hold something he’d done in high school against him, but she was intrigued—and, crazily enough, jealous—that he’d thought he was in love. “What was her name?” Mar asked into the pause.
“Tracey.” Luke closed his eyes briefly, then spit out. “We went too far one night.”
Mar’s mouth dropped open, but she quickly shut it. Emotions warred within her: shock that Luke would get out of control, and an irrational jealousy that he’d been that close with another woman.
“I broke up with her, worked with my pastor to repent, and felt good, clean. A couple of months later, she came to me and told me she was pregnant.”
Mar felt like she’d been slugged in the gut. “You have a child?” she asked. He’d left a child behind? Abandoned and fatherless like her? No. Luke wouldn’t do that.
Luke shook his head. Even in the dim light, she could clearly read the pain in his blue eyes. “I prepared myself to be a father, to take that responsibility, but when I went to ask her to marry me, she told me she’d miscarried and not to worry about her, as she was going to marry someone else.” His lips pressed thin. “I was devastated. I wanted to marry her. I really wanted to be a father.” His shoulders bowed slightly. Still clasping her hand tightly, he gave her a very forced smile. “That’s my deep, dark secret.”
Mar prayed for help to know how to respond. All she could think to say was, “Thank you for trusting me enough to share.”
Some breaths of silence passed before Luke muttered, “Do you think less of me now?”
“Oh, heavens no,” she rushed to say, squeezing his hand. “You made a mistake, Luke. And it sounds like you tried everything you could to rectify it.”
“I felt like I did at the time, but sometimes I still beat myself up for not staying in control that night. That’s the reason I haven’t allowed myself to get serious with anyone, rarely going beyond a date or two. I don’t know if I didn’t trust myself or if I was punishing myself.” He smiled softly at her. “Until you.”
“What makes me so special?” Her voice cracked on the last word. She’d never been special to anyone but Cosette, and Cosette had struggled throughout her life socially. Sometimes Mar wondered if Cosette only stuck with her because she didn’t feel confident enough to move on—which was a horrible thing to think about herself and her best friend.
Luke lifted his free hand and traced her cheek with his fingertips. Cupping her face, he leaned in and kissed her softly. “You’re special because you’re you, Mar. I think I’ve been looking for you my entire life.”
She swallowed down the emotion and kissed him back, then cuddled into his side, content to simply be close to him. Luke wrapped her up tight and trailed his hands along her back. The only sound was a ticking clock and their combined breathing.
Luke leaned back slightly and said, “Do I get to hear a deep, dark secret as well?”
Mar laughed uneasily. “I don’t know that I have one that’s …” She couldn’t saygoodorinterestingorexciting.