“Again, it’s not my business.”
“But?”
“Amelia asks about her sometimes. I usually just change the subject. Maybe if I knew something, anything, I could…”
“Could what?” I snap. “Make her feel better about her mother abandoning her when she was only six weeks old?”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” She moves to leave, but my arms pull her back against me.
We lie there silently, guilt washing over me. Ember is just trying to help Amelia, and here I am, still so damn fucked up by what Norah did, I can’t even talk about her.
“I’ve never talked about her or what happened. I’m not trying to make excuses, but I’ve just kept everything bottled in, and when I found out about Amelia…” I shake my head. “I wish I knew where she was because I have a lot to say to her.”
Ember presses a kiss to my chest before resting back against it and holding me tightly.
“I loved her with everything I had. When I came back from a deployment, I found her in bed—our bed—with my friend, Eric. It broke me. She tried to play innocent, telling me it was a mistake, and maybe it was, but to me, it was an unforgivable mistake. I was so hurt, so angry. I threw her things—then her—out of the house. Eric tried to talk me down, and when he did, I became a man I didn’t know. The only two people in the world I loved had destroyed me. My only thought was to destroy him. So, I punched him. I beat the shit out of him, then tossed him to the curb right next to Norah.”
“I’m so sorry, Ryder. I can’t even imagine.”
“I left that night, stayed at a hotel, then reenlisted the next morning. I didn’t come back until a few months ago. That’s when I found out about Amelia. I was terrified by the idea of having a kid, let alone a daughter. That’s when I met you. My gorgeous, sweet, sexy distraction.”
“A distraction, huh? Did it work?”
“Too well. You were all I could think about.” I pause for a moment. “Still are.”
Damn blurred lines.
The thing is, I’m starting to not care. Without even trying, she’s breaking down my defenses, and I’m struggling to keep them in place.
“What about you?” I ask. “This ex of yours, how bad was he?”
“So, how about those Dodgers?” She makes the joke to avoid the question.
“That bad?” Fearing what she went through, my heart aches for her, and a deep-seated need to protect her pushes through.
“He locked the doors from the inside, so I couldn’t get out. I went nowhere without him at my side. He drove away everyone I loved. You need more?”
Wrapping up in a blanket, she moves toward the window. I follow her, my body pressing against hers from behind. I don’t speak, only try to comfort her the way she comforts me—silently and without even knowing it.
I hold her, thinking about how broken we both are and how much we’ve admittedly healed each other. It makes me wonder if maybe this whole just sex bullshit I keep toting is just that—bullshit. What we’re doing here, it isn’t just sex. It’s a mess of tangled emotions, and I don’t have one qualm about diving into them.
“I’m sorry. I know you were just curious.”
“I’m more than curious, baby. I want to find the guy and kill him for what he did to you.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, but he’s not worth the jail time. Besides, things worked out for the best.”
“Do you really believe that?” Was everything she went through really worth winding up here with me? A man who has given her nothing more than a friends-with-benefits arrangement when she deserves so much more?
“I do. I’m so grateful to be here with Amelia… and you.”
“I come second, huh?” I tease her.
“Her dimples are cuter.”
“Oh, she’s cute, alright, but I rock these dimples.” I flash her a smile, and her cheeks flush as she presses her lips into a thin line. “See?”
“You’re impossible.”