Technically, I was off duty the moment Ryder stepped through the door. Living here with them, it doesn’t feel like work. I have no problem getting up with Amelia in the middle of the night or tucking her in. In fact, I enjoy it. I know how much being a good dad means to him, and moments like this are important to him. So, instead of being the one to rush after Amelia, I stand back and watch as he chases her up the stairs.
“Sorry I was late,” Ryder tells me when he rejoins me in the living room.
“No need to apologize,” I say as I glance up at him from the book I was reading.
He scrubs his hand over his face, the black circles under his eyes showing his exhaustion.
“You’re not supposed to be working twenty-four seven.”
“Neither are you.”
“Touché.”
He rests on the couch, kicking his feet up on the coffee table.
“What are you reading?”
Caught, I lower my gaze. “A romance novel.”
Ryder laughs. “Yeah? Is it any good?”
Compared to him? No way.
“It’s okay.” I set the book down on the couch. “How was work?”
“Long, though I’ve seen longer, more stressful days.”
“What was it like?”
“My day?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Being a Seal.”
“It was the best thing ever. I don’t think there was one thing I hated about the job itself. The things I saw while doing it? That’s another story, more like a nightmare.”
Nightmares. While their natures are very different, it’s something we have in common. Though the longer I’m here, the less I seem to be having them.
“How do you do it? How do you handle seeing death and destruction and walk away from it okay?”
“I am far from okay. Most of us aren’t. I guess I’m just got good at hiding it.”
“If you ever need to talk… don’t feel like you have to hide from me.”
A comfortable silence fills the room as Ryder and I sit on the couch, just enjoying each other’s company. I never pick up my book. He doesn’t turn on the television. I’m not sure how long we sit like this, or why, but in its own way, it feels like we’re bonding.
Healing.
I hate the moment I decide to break the spell and get up off the couch. As I walk past him, I brush my fingers along his arm.
“Good night, Ryder.”
“Good night, Ember.”
With my face washed and my pajamas on, I slide beneath the covers. Whatever that was downstairs left my body humming. Dipping my hand between my thighs, I can feel exactly how much he’s affecting me. With thoughts of Ryder in my head, knowing the gorgeous body that hides beneath his clothes, it doesn’t take long for my slick folds to turn into a soaked puddle.
If I can’t have him, at least I can have fun fantasizing about him.
CHAPTERNINETEEN