“Yeah, but not by choice,” Mark reminds me. “Besides, you’re here now. Make it count.”
He says it as if stepping in now and being Amelia’s dad will somehow make up for the past five years of not having a parent in her life. I don’t know that it’s possible to make that up to her or to fix the damage.
“How? What in the hell do I know about being a parent?”
Mark laughs. “What does anyone who becomes a parent know about it? You just muddle through and figure it out.”
“What if…”
“Don’t start the what-if game. You can’t change the past, and you sure as hell can’t predict the future. All you can do is deal with the here and now.”
“Yeah?” I let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, where in the hell do I begin?”
“A paternity test sounds like a smart first step. Once you know the truth, you go from there.”
Go from there—he makes it sound so easy.
“Yeah, sure,” I groan.
“You know what you need? To get laid.”
I shake my head adamantly. “That is the last thing I need.”
“I disagree.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
Mark’s eyes scan the crowd. “Single, desperate, and emotionally unavailable.”
“Huh?” I say with a laugh.
“That’s what I’m looking for—that’s what you’re looking for, right?”
“What I’m looking for is another beer.”
“Fine,” Mark says as he flags down the waitress and orders another round. “But I’m not giving up. Getting you laid is now my mission.”
“You need a better mission.”
Round after round, we sit at the table. At some point, Mark switched to water. For all I know, it could have been the minute I walked into the joint. I’m stumbling drunk, and Mark’s arms try to steady me as we exit the bar.
“I really needed this,” I tell him, even though I know somewhere inside me I’m going to regret it in the morning. Right now, the numbness from my drunken state is all I need.
That and my bed.
CHAPTERFIVE
Ember
Another interview down, another job lost.
When I first left Nashville, I knew things were going to be tough. I didn’t realize they were going to be this tough. For the past week, I’ve looked for work everywhere. My lack of experience with anything besides singing leaves me at the bottom of the hire list every time. Everyone is more qualified. Everyone has a better shot. Like the clerical position I interviewed for today, an entry-level position that sounded like something I could handle. Silly me thought, since it was entry level, I wouldn’t need much experience. Seems I was wrong. As if the interviewer wasn’t unimpressed enough with my lack of resume, she also tore down every quality I believe I possess. All because I didn’t have proof to back it up.
Just because I didn’t hold down a normal job doesn’t mean I’m not hardworking.
She disagreed.
“We want someone we can trust. Someone with… experience.”