“Okay.” To say Leah’s tone was unconvinced was an understatement.
“This was such a bad idea,” Shoshana muttered.
She cast around for her phone, thinking to text him, to tell him it was off.
“Of course that’s what people are going to think if I go out with him. No wonder the Sisterhood wants me going to lunches.”
“I don’t think they’re all conspiring to loop you back into the phone tree, Sho.”
“But this is how it’ll start. One minute it’s all fun and g strings and the next I’m stuck figuring out a seating chart for a kiddie seder and coming up with a theme that’s clever but also easy to decorate for with fifty bucks at Party City,” Shoshana wailed. She knew she was being ridiculous, but she couldn’t stop it. The sense of obligation felt like being buried to her neck in sand. Her chest felt tight.
“No self-respecting member of the Sisterhood has ever darkened the door of Party City. They never have anything good, anyway,” Leah said, crossing her arms and leaning against the sink. She brandished the eyeliner like a scepter, then made a face at it, deciding she preferred another color and dropping it back into the sink basin.
“The napkins are cheap,” Shoshana said, because the last time she was responsible for party planning that’s exactly where she’d ended up.
“The colors bleed all over the place and their Hanukkah gelt tastes like chalk. This is why we never ask you to handle birthdays. You know makeup does go bad after six years.” Leah inspected a kohl pencil that had seen better days. She eyed Shoshana before pointedly dropping it in the wastepaper basket.
“It wasn’t that old, and it’s the only one I have that’s that charcoal color but with some sparkle to it,” Shoshana said, feeling mildly defensive if only because she didn’t typically wear kohl pencil anyway. “How did I not know you had such strong feelings about Party City?”
“You never asked,” Leah said, lifting a small pot of something out of the makeup tray and then putting it back. “You would enjoy hanging out with a lot of those women if you bothered to give them the time of day--”
“I’m booked up for lunches for the nextmonth, Lay,” Shoshana said. “I think it's safe to say I’m going to get to know them.”
“You’re going to cancel half of those as soon as you can come up with a decent excuse!”
“Hang on. Are we fighting?” Shoshana bit her lip and considered her friend for a long moment, unsure why it felt like they were at odds when she hadn’t said anything different than she usually did when the topic of the temple Sisterhood came up.
“Kinda, yeah,” Leah said. Shoshana was so shocked she sank back down onto the toilet seat. She and Leah never fought. They just didn’t have a contentious friendship. Not like she and Baxter. She and Baxter bickered all the time. This felt different, more legitimate.
She felt that pressure in her chest again. Less like panic, more like dread.
D’varim undulated his way into the small bathroom, winding betwixt and between legs and the toilet, and finally jumping up onto the lip of the tub. A shampoo bottle and a loofah went clattering into the tub and he ignored them both, as though he had nothing to do with the mess, it was beneath his notice.
“You have such a mental block. It makes it shitty because when we’re not with you, Abi and I are hanging out with most of those women,” Leah said. She was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over her chest. Her chin was set. She was looking at Shoshana the way she usually looked at Abi when Abi was being particularly infuriating.
“Wait, really?” Shoshana was shocked. And immediately angry with herself. It had never occurred to her that Leah and Abigail had active friendships with the women in the Sisterhood.
She made a face, feeling foolish. Of course, they were friends with those women! Abi ran the preschool, she saw most of them on a daily basis, and Leah’s coffee shop was within walking distance of the synagogue. Most of them would end up there after dropping their kids off for the day. That wasn’t even acknowledging that the sisters were actively involved in services. She closed her eyes and put her head in her hands.
“I’m an asshole.”
“You’re pretty fucking clueless,” Leah agreed. “You know we’re not going to give you shit for wanting to avoid the place, we get why and you’re not, like,wrong. It just sucks when you slag on our friends and we’re just supposed to not say anything. It feels crappy.”
“I don’t, I mean, do I? Shit, Leah.” Shoshana fumbled to express what she was trying to say without further damaging things. “I mean, I never meant anybody specific. I haven’t really talked to most of them since high school, right? I just mean, like the general. In the general sense.”
“In the general sense,” Leah said, repeating the phrase more slowly to better illustrate how asinine that was. “So individually they’refine,but collectively they’re--”
“Please don’t repeat back to me what I’ve said before. I already know I am a giant dick,” Shoshana said, embarrassment burning her cheeks. She was holding up her hands before she could stop herself. “You’re right, Ishouldknow I’m a dick. I’ve said a lot of really crappy things for a long time and it was really unfair and I wish you’d said something, but you have now, so I will make a point to stop being so judgmental.”
“I would appreciate that,” Leah said evenly. Shoshana suspected she wanted to say more but was stopping herself. She pawed through the makeup tray for a moment and then reached for a large, fluffy powder brush. She inspected the brush and returned it to the cup of makeup brushes. After a tense moment she looked at Shoshana. “So about David…”
“Yeah?” Shoshana said, knowing she wasn’t going to like where this was going, but so relieved they were moving on she was willing to take whatever Leah was about to say and be grateful.
“Did you shave above the knee?”
D’varim chose that moment to fall, unceremoniously, into the bathtub.
Eleven