The father of your only child.
My embrace is tight, but I don’t want to let her go until my parents take her from my arms and try to console her.
It all becomes a blur, the pain and grief not allowing us to breathe normally. My sister continues to sob into my father’s chest as I walk out to a corridor of people waiting for news.
They didn’t have to wait. They heard my sister.
Charlotte is being comforted by Eric as they both sob in each other’s arms. Charlotte lets go and rushes to where I stand, burying her head into my chest and holding onto me as if her life depends on it.
Rocky and Nikki are standing beside Eric. They do their best to hold it back, but like all of us, grief is a force to be reckoned with.
Kate is sitting beside the stroller with Amelia sleeping inside. Her head is lowered, unable to make eye contact, but the tears fall onto her lap while she sits in silence.
“Lex,” Charlotte calls in thin and strained sobs. “Andy…”
“He’s inside.”
“I want to be with Adriana.”
I nod, then glance over at Kate. She lifts her head, her bloodshot eyes meeting mine with a pained stare.
“I’ll stay with Amelia. Take your time.”
With my heart beating incredibly fast, I open the door, scared of what I’ll find inside.
Adriana is still in my father’s embrace, barely able to hold herself up, and my mother helps to make sure she doesn’t collapse. The nurse is still with Andy, allowing our family a moment to come to terms with losing Elijah.
As Charlotte enters the room behind me, her gaze darts to the covered body on the bed, then onto my sister.
Charlotte runs to Adriana, ripping her away from my father as Adriana begins to sob into Charlotte's shoulder.
“He’s gone,”she screams.“My husband is gone.”
And just like that, Elijah Jean Evans left this world and finally became free of the pain his body endured.
As for the rest of us, our nightmare is only beginning.
TWELVE
The time when wounds began to heal
The day we lost Elijah, a piece of each one of us died with him.
My brother was finally laid to rest.
Grief is the price we pay for loving someone so deeply. The pain is immeasurable, and like waves in the ocean, it comes and goes, some days greater than others.
There are moments when we’re able to take a step forward. Unfortunately, though, most of the time, the grief suffocates any hope of a bright future again.
The last few months have been the hardest I’ve ever endured. I’d pushed away my wife for fear of losing her. None of it made sense how loving someone can hurt so much. How losing them is our biggest fear. The misery I’d inflicted on Charlotte was unforgivable and out of character, given on our wedding day I’d promised her nothing would ever tear us apart again.
It got to a point where my mistakes became my identity like I had some evil twin dictating my every move, out to destroy everything.
The reality, once again, was the wake-up call I desperately needed. There was no way I was going to lose Charlotte tohim.Seeing Baker on the dance floor brought all my mistakes to the surface. He held my wife in his arms, and for every second that passed, inside of me shattered like broken glass.
The way she looked at him ripped open my old wounds, the pain just simply unbearable.
Charlotte Edwards is the air I breathe.