“Bit,” Matt began.
“Save it,” I interrupted him. He glanced at Colton quickly and my temper raised another notch. “You don’t need to look at him for everything, you know,” I snapped. Matt frowned at me and I immediately felt guilty. Just then I heard the front door open and I felt everyone in the room tense. Seconds later Connor was in the kitchen. He greeted everyone but almost immediately picked up on the atmosphere.
“What’s going on?” he asked. He fist bumped Theo in greeting as he looked at his brother. “What did you do this time Ari?” Connor laughed. Colton smiled like a shark, all teeth and no humour.
“Jay,” Colton answered. Connor had swiped his brother’s beer and immediately sprayed the wall with it. He turned to me incredulously.
“What? When?” he spluttered. His face was a picture and if I hadn’t been struck dumb with what Colton had just implied, I would have laughed.
“I haven’t done anything Connor, or anyone.” I recovered quickly, whilst I glared at Colton. He was still smiling that predator’s smile and I needed to get out of there before I forgot my promise to Matt and just lost it completely. This was not a good situation. I looked at Matt who studiously looked away from me. I glanced at Theo who was fascinated with his boots, it seemed. My eyes fell back to Colton, who was still challenging me with that knowing smirk.
“Is everything ok in here?” Connor asked as he looked around the room. “Ari?” I saw Colton’s eyes narrow briefly and with a wide smile I turned to Connor.
“Everything’s fine Con. I just saw Jay a little while ago when I met up with Matt and he was just being friendly.”
Matt snorted.
“Kissing you all the time is more than friendly,” he muttered.I will not look at Colton. I will not look at Colton.I will not look at Colton.
“He’s a nice guy Ari, you’d do ok with him,” Connor said as he smiled. “But his brother, I dunno, stay away from that brother.” He turned to his own brother with a smirk. Colton was still watching me.
“Lil Bit could do a lot worse.”Did he mean him?“She could also do a lot better.” A smirk in my direction.Bastard.
I shook my head at him and turned away. “I’m out. I don’t needanyone’sapproval about who I do and don’t kiss.”
“Well except us,” Connor muttered. I turned back to look at him. He looked at the guys in the kitchen. “I mean you can’t be kissing us, right?” My eyes flashed immediately to Colton and I noticed the smirk was gone.
“What would it matter?” I asked softly. Connor laughed. Matt and Theo were both now fascinated with their hands.
“Because it would be weird, Lil Bit. I mean c’mon, isn’t two out of four enough?” Connor was trying to laugh it off, but I knew him, I knew he was serious. There it was. The reminder why I couldn’t have Colton. Cole was right, the family dynamic was more important – it didn’t matter what I wanted – even whathewanted really. They were my family and I had left them once. I wouldn’t manage without them again. Colton met my eyes and I saw the second he realised that I finally understood. His eyes almost softened. Those beautiful bright green eyes, almost dull with the realisation that I finally got it.
You’re no better than me…whispered in my head.
“Of course Con. I was just joking.” My smile was brittle, it felt so fake. “Right, well, I need to go. Catch you guys later.” I turned and hurried from the room. I heard Connor ask Theo if he wanted to play some Madden on PS4. I slowed as I got to the door, suddenly feeling the last hour catching up to me. I stopped to take a breath. Still no answers. I shook my head and started to leave again.
A hand caught my arm as I went to leave the house. I didn’t need to turn to know who it was. Colton pulled me back slightly so that I could rest against him. My back was to his chest, and I really did, I wanted to lean back, rest for just a moment against him. I stayed still, too afraid to let myself feel weak. He was just as still behind me, his hand burning my skin where he lightly touched my arm. I felt his lips brush my hair as he whispered, “Sorry,” before he was gone back into the house.
I made myself scarce over the next few days. I didn’t care that it was the weekend. Since they had come back into my life, I had fallen behind in classes. Well, I hadn’t, not really – but I felt like I was losing my grip on everything and I needed to concentrate to keep my grades up. I wanted to do this degree and go on to do my masters. I couldn’t letboyslet me lose track. Even if it wasmyboys. I thought ruefully back to my whole subterfuge with Robbie and my plan to be off campus to be away from distractions and here I was, completely distracted.
I checked the time on Sunday afternoon and did the time travelling maths to work out what time it was in Scotland. Gran and Papa were seven hours ahead of me. I could call them and maybe that would help settle me. The phone rang briefly, my Papa would have been watching the clock for the call, so I didn’t have to wait long for him to pick up. When I was younger, they used to both be on the phone at the same time, sitting in different rooms listening to every word. As I got older, that had stopped, however, they had a tendency to shout out commentary when the other one was on the phone. Often, they would end up conversing with each other rather than me, which always made me laugh as I waited patiently for them to stop and remember I was on the phone.
Papa talked me through the dismal Scottish weather and the inability for the rain to be consistent – it was currently washing out his tomato venture. I sympathised, though my personal opinion was that it would be ok if the rain washed all tomatoes out of existence. Fruit of the devil in my opinion. Given my inability to keep plants alive, Papa suggested I get a cactus. Yeah, I thought, that’s all I need, a plant that would stab me whenever I got close to it. Actually, I could get one and call it Colton, I mulled to myself. Ha! That made me smile and I started chuckling. I was then passed over to my Gran who cut to the chase immediately.
“What’s going on?” she enquired, and with that blunt question, I spilled the lot. I told her they were back in my life. I told her about Corey. I didn’t mention the Coltonsituationand I didn’t mention the fighting. I did tell her about Jay. She was very enthusiastic about Jay. I did have to remind her I was onlytalkingto him but by the time we hung up Gran was just happy that I was no longer isolated and alone.
I could understand her concern. They were in another country and I was here, where they thought I had no one. Knowing that the guys were here with me must have been comforting to them. If I was honest it was comforting for me too. We were close. Some of us closer than others but I guess that was in the past too.
I didn’t have Connor and I was more than ok with that. Our time was long done. I couldn’t have Colton – he had made that clear – and Connor had inadvertently underlined that the other day. Matt really was the brother I never had and I genuinely didn’t think of Theo that way. He was just my buddy Theo. I loved to listen to his preposterous romantic endeavours and the disasters of the poor girls he got involved with. He was a hopeless lost cause and I never disappointed Theo – he never expected more from me. Our relationship was a simple friendship that was easy and uncomplicated. Therefore, when I thought about it like that, whatwaswrong with Jay? Apart from the obvious fact he wasn’t Colton?
No, I didn’t need this. I didn’t need an interest in Jay. I was just feeling out of sorts because I was caught up in this thing with Colton. This was not who I was. I was not this girl.Worthless tramp.Even now, I could hear her in my head, still see those hate filled eyes glaring at me as she sat there, dishevelled, drunk, filled with malice. A shudder ran through me. Memories of my mother were never good. I needed a distraction, so I did what anyone would do after the firm talking-to I had given myself. I went out for a coffee.
I cycled into the city centre, heading for Pearl Street Mall. I usually avoided it because it was a social hotspot in the city, but today I wanted to be surrounded by people I didn’t know and just people watch. I loved people watching. I loved making up stories in my head about them. I needed to clear my head of the cobwebs and have a carefree afternoon.
Sitting near the centre of the four-block mall, I was armed with my Starbucks and a large decadent slice of cheesecake. I settled back to dig in and enjoy Sunday afternoon.
I was feeling very relaxed and much more zen on the cycle home. I had spent a couple of hours sitting people watching. I watched mothers chase their wayward children down the square. I watched couples, young and old and made up fanciful stories on how they met and the adventures they had shared. It was a nice afternoon.
I chained the bike up beside my car and headed into the apartment to do some studying and head to bed for an early night. I was feeling more myself – I wasn’t as antsy as I had been and I was definitely not thinking any lingering thoughts about emerald green eyes. Nope. I was a gem free zone.