I stood abruptly, this was getting me nowhere. I needed to stop dwelling in the past. I wasn’t that girl anymore. Too much shit had happened to me to be that same girl. I had finished my school year in Dearborn Heights. I hadn’t spoken to anyone, I hadn’t made friends and I genuinely couldn’t tell you any of my teacher’s names – I had went through the motions, cold, detached, numb. I had one aim and that was to make up the lost school time and get to college.
I needed to find that inner strength again. I had mellowed a little since being here and settling in. The last few weeks had been easy, I had adjusted and felt semi normal. I needed to get that back and stop fixating on the past, especially a past with emerald green eyes. I pushed them to the back of my mind, where they had been for the last few months and I got on with the rest of my day.
Class the next morning was the first time I saw Robbie, since the party at the lake. He apologised for his calls and texts. I hadn’t slept well the night before. I had an angry migraine gnome in my head playing a very heavy rendition of Ace of Spades on the drums. To make it worse, my eyes were pulsating in rhythm. I needed a dark room or a very black cave, preferably where the light never shone, where annoying students didn’t chatter and being upright wasn’t a necessary requirement.
Robbie held out a large steaming cup of coffee. We hadn’t known each other long but it didn’t take a genius to know, coffee to me was like blood to a vampire. I was a caffeine junkie and I almost cried when I caught the sweet seductive smell of dark roast. However, caffeine was also my kryptonite when I had a migraine. Therefore, bad head meant bad coffee. Life really did suck.
“I can’t drink that today, I have a migraine.” I explained, trying to get away from the rich aroma.
“Aw, that sucks Elle. Headaches are a pain.” He patted my shoulder.
I had tried so hard not to glare at him, if only I could focus, the glare would have been Cole worthy.
“Only someone who has never experienced the debilitation of a migraine attack would compare them to a headache,” I snorted. “It literally is not in the same league.”
“Oh, I am sure it’s awful.” He patted my shoulder again.
Robbie was beginning to grate on my last nerve and if he patted me on the shoulder one more time, I was going to break his bones.
I knew then and there that class today was a no go and I picked up my stuff and headed to the door.
I passed the lecturer coming in, she took one look at me and asked, “Migraine or hangover?”
I mumbled I didn’t drink alcohol. She nodded sympathetically and told me to go home and rest. I always knew her class would be my favourite.
I staggered home, the stupid bright sunshine laughing down at me, sunglasses were having no impact. I knew I was going to be sick soon. Migraines where the only thing I had in common with my mother. She had been plagued with them for as long as I could remember, since she had died, mine had gotten worse. It didn’t take much thinking about to know mine were triggered with stress. Seeing Matt and Theo had me on edge.
I climbed the stairs to my apartment. The smells wafting out of a nearby bakery made my stomach turn. I needed to lie down. I locked the door behind me. I shrugged off my clothes as I headed for my bedroom. I had blackout blinds and as I shut them, I breathed out in relief as darkness enveloped me. I put on my pyjamas, simple cotton shorts and a tank top – as I headed to the kitchen to get painkillers and some water.
I flopped down on my bed and closed my eyes. The Ace of Spades was still thumping in my head. I curled into a ball, my head disappearing under a pillow. I had no other choice but to merely wait it out. Lying in a dark room wasn’t a good thing for someone like me that had too much time to think. I groaned as I rolled over. I think the gnome drummer was pissed I had taken something to drown him out – I think the beat got louder.
Lying in the dark focusing on the rhythm of the pounding in your head wasn’t to be recommended either. My thoughts wandered. I didn’t want them to. I knew where they would go. The past was the past and I didn’t want to relive it anymore. That cold morning at their house had shut down something inside of me. As we had driven to the airport – I had been so tempted to ask to turn back. Should I have left without a goodbye? Had Connor forgiven Cole, where they ok? Oh my God what had Cole been thinking? Had they fought? Which one hated me the most? Had I ruined everything? Had I wanted him to kiss me? I shook my head, good grief that hadn’t been a kiss. He had branded me that day. All my kisses with Connor had been forgotten, it was like I hadn’t been kissed before.
Ok, so Connor was the only boy Ihadkissed before, but those kisses melted into insignificance to what Cole had done to me. The way his mouth had moved over mine, the sweet taste of his tongue as it moved with mine, the way he had bit my bottom lip. Oh God, the way he’d tasted my skin. Ok this wasn’t helping me. I turned over again. I was hot, this darned weather was insane.Yeah Elle, it’s totally the weather that has you all hot and bothered, I thought ruefully. I groaned again but for another reason entirely.
I remembered I hadn’t texted Matt, I hadn’t told him not to come. Ugh, I needed my phone. No wait, he said they were out for the weekend, I could tell Matt to his face. It had beensogood to see them both. What harm could blueberry pancakes do, really? Was I being selfish? Didn’t I deserve to be a little bit selfish, I’d had a really bad year. I mean as years go, mine had sucked royally. The pain in my head intensified and I knew I needed to just let it roll over me. I succumbed to the pain and the following welcoming darkness.
The rest of the week was uneventful, my migraine took two days to shift properly, so before I knew where I was it was Friday. I had spoken to a couple of girls in my classes to get notes for the lectures I had missed. Robbie had already told me I would be ok with his notes, he suggested the library to copy them. I had a printer/scanner at the apartment, but I wasn’t comfortable taking him there.
As we waited for a printer to become available, Robbie greeted people that passed us. I hadn’t really been paying attention when I felt him stiffen beside me. I’d been staring out the window, when I looked at him. Robbie’s attention was on someone and I followed his gaze to see what caused the reaction. Moving through the stands was none other than Connor Dawson. His hair was slightly longer, he had filled out some over the months, in jeans and white t-shirt he was drawing more than my attention.
I quickly moved behind Robbie as Connor glanced over in our direction, I was frozen in fear that he had seen me. This was not how I wanted to meet him, in fact I didn’t want to meet himat all. Time had passed but at the end of the day this was still the guy who had put someone in hospital over a sandwich. Robbie looked at me in surprise which quickly changed to concern.
“You ok?”
“Mmmm yeah sure, hey I need to go look over there.” With a furtive glance to make sure Connor hadn’t seen me, I was off. I ducked behind a bookshelf and prayed to anyone listening to get me out of here unnoticed. I happened to notice that bookshelves were a great spying prop. I could look out over the tops of the books and watch the entire study section.
I spotted Connor again immediately; he was draped over a blonde girl who was sitting down beside a friend it seemed, with him behind her. She was turned towards him looking up, smiling at whatever he was saying. He leaned down, gave her a kiss on the tip of her nose, then was up and heading out of the library again. He stopped once, looked over his shoulder as if looking for something, shrugged then was gone.
My hands were like vices on the bookshelf, I wasn’t sure I would be able to get them off. I watched the girl, sandy blonde hair, tanned and pretty. She smiled at something her friend said and laughed. She seemed nice; she shook her head at her friend and then bent her head down to her books again.
“Elle what are you doing?” I yelped and leapt about a foot in the air. Robbie was behind me looking at me like I had grown two heads.
“I’m getting a book,” I said as I quickly grabbed a book off the shelf. “You know, for reading.” He reached over and plucked the book out of my hand. He looked at me, eyebrow raised.
“The Theoretics of Mechanical and Civil Engineering?” he read.The what of the who?Oh crap. I was caught.
“Um yeah, seemed interesting.”Oh my God could I be any lamer?