“She wanted to control Elizabeth. Elizabeth was always a strong-willed girl. I think she humored her mother in some things, but not the ones that really mattered. Geraldine had a grand plan, you see. She wanted to show her ex-husband that she could marry Elizabeth into one of the finest and the wealthiest families in the world. And she forced the poor girl to take a more active role in that plan. I overheard their conversation once.” Her face flushed, Yu-Jin shifts her weight before continuing. “Geraldine said Elizabeth owed her one for overlooking what you did. So I think Elizabeth knew that, until the statute of limitations ran out, she had to do whatever her mother wanted. And that was date other men. It was strange to me because Elizabeth was so young at the time. And don’t Americans marry for love? Or is stuff like that different for rich people?”
“No one should have to marry for money.” I force the words out.
“That’s what I think too, but her mother…”
“How did Elizabeth cope? Geraldine must’ve been furious when Elizabeth remained single.”
Yu-Jin waves a hand. “Oh, that’s not how it happened. Elizabeth ran off for months after going out with a young man Geraldine chose some years ago. Shirley was angry at Geraldine for causing Elizabeth too much stress. When Elizabeth came back, she never had to go out with anyone again. That’s when she started spending a lot of time with Nate Sterling. It gave Geraldine some hope, I think, but…no marriage yet.”
I press my fists against my knees and inhale deeply—the scent of fabric and old, lingering perfume clogging my lungs. I can’t draw in enough air. The skin around my eyes heats. I’m the biggest fucking idiot in the world. What Yu-Jin said hollows me out. Of all the possibilities, this never crossed my mind.
Then I remember Elizabeth’s call five years ago, how she laughed and laughed on the phone, her breath hitching. Back then, I thought it was some sort of weird taunt. But now I realize it was her way of reaching out, because she couldn’t continue anymore.
I swallow the acid flooding my mouth. I couldn’t hate myself more than I do now. I misjudged everything…failed her so badly…
I have to fix this. I have to find a way to make it right even if I can never redeem myself…and Elizabeth loathes me forever…
Chapter Forty-Two
Elizabeth
I stand on the beach, toes digging into the wet sand. The rain pours down, the sky sullen and gray with fat, water-heavy clouds lying low all the way out to the horizon.
Everyone else at the exclusive Aylster Resort must be disappointed. It was crystal clear and sunny until yesterday. But I welcome the storm, the thunder rumbling in the air. In sunny weather I have to smile, keep quiet, and pretend I’m doing well, fueled by plentiful drinks with cheery paper umbrellas stuck in them.
But under this tempestuous sky? I can let go. Needle-like rain stings my cheeks, but it’s a small price to pay to hide tears. Thunder cracks and swallows my sobs.
I’ve given Dominic what he wanted. That chapter of my life is closed. But instead of the peace I expected the closure to bring, all I feel is an aching emptiness where my heart used to be.
“What more do you want?” I rage, matching the dark fury of the sky.
Whipping against my shaking body, harsh gusts scatter my words.
“What do you want from me?” I press my hand over the aching spot on my chest. “When are you going to stop the pain? I’ve given everything!” I slash the air with my arm. “Everything!”
My mind brings up Tolyan’s softly spoken offer to have me disappear, reinvent myself as someone else so I can start over. No baggage. No past. Nothing holding me back. Just an ordinary girl who wants ordinary happiness.
If I start over… I swallow, my throat tight with more sobs rising up. If I’m no longer Elizabeth Lucrezia Catherine Pryce-Reed, I don’t have to keep the promise I made to Grandma Shirley. I can live by some pretty sea like I’ve always wanted, and work on my art. I won’t have to smile when I’m hurting. I won’t have to be gracious to people like Marcella…won’t have to pretend I’m not falling apart inside.
I’ll be able to cry when I’m sad without worrying about what others are going to think of me. I’ll be able to belt out a laugh when I’m happy without worrying about how loud and unladylike I am. I’ll be able to eat whatever and however much I want without worrying about fitting into one of the right-sized dresses and looking like an heiress.
What about your family? Friends? The foundation?
Maybe Tolyan can find a way to make my family and friends think I didn’t die a horrible death or something. The foundation has its workers. They can continue the projects. They don’t need me. The foundation is bigger than me.
And I’d be gone forever. Just…a while. I spent the last ten years faking it. Can’t I have ten years of being myself?
I’m starting now. I swipe the colored contacts from my eyes, then stare back up at the roiling heavens. See? So…can I just be?
Lightning splits the gray. The hair at the back of my neck stands at the electric charge in the air, and my instincts bristle. It’s the same kind of apprehension I felt when Shirley calmly summoned me to say she’d have Dominic prosecuted for rape.
I whip around and go still when I spot a familiar man coming closer. My heart beats in my throat. How can Andy be here? I came alone, despite Tolyan’s endless objections, telling him to keep an eye on Andy and that he didn’t need to tag along with me to St. Cecilia. I really, really needed to be alone.
A sharp sensation hits my arm, and I glance down, letting out a soft gasp. A dart is sticking out from my right bicep.
My gaze goes back to him, but it’s too late. My vision’s already blurring, my muscles going thick and rubbery, like someone unplugged my brain from my body.
Everything goes dark the moment I hit the sand.