Somehow the fact that he doesn’t want to publicize the good things he does to make the world a better place makes me like him more. And a man who loves dogs like that can’t possibly be the type to speak in a cold, detached manner about his wife’s car accident.
“So, was it good?” Ivy prompts me.
“Very.” I sigh dreamily as remembered pleasure runs through me. “The best.” Now I understand why my friends look so languidly happy when they talk about their husbands.
“And…?”
“Aaaand…then I sort of freaked out.” I can’t keep a secret from Ivy, not when it comes to something like this.
“How come?”
I try to think back on my reaction, because I still can’t quite pinpoint why. It wasn’t like I thought he’d force me into doing something I didn’t want. But…
“I think it was just kind of…shocking that we could have chemistry that hot.” Maybe talking will help me sort it out. “I’ve never had anything that amazing. I mean, like, ever. And then the next moment I was thinking, Holy shit, I’m kissing my boss, and I need to face him tomorrow!”
“And…?” Ivy says, giving me that I have no idea what the problem is look.
Faced with Ivy’s raised eyebrows, I can’t remember what the problem was either. What I felt was akin to fear, but…of what?
“It’s just…unprofessional.” My voice is low because even I know what I’m saying is ridiculous. Professionalism isn’t even on my list of concerns in life. And it isn’t like I’m going to continue working after the eight weeks are up.
She laughs. “Like Nate and Evie.”
I shake my head. “That’s different. Evie didn’t have her family pressuring her to get hitched.”
“It’s not different. And what does that have to do with professionalism?”
“Nothing. Ugh. I can’t think clearly right now.” I prop my chin in my hand and sigh. “If I’m going to have a relationship, I want something that can lead to more. Like marriage and a future, like what you and Tony have. Or Nate and Evie. As a matter of fact, what Court and Pascal, Edgar and Jo, and Kim and Wyatt all have.” I tick each couple off my fingers, then feel depressed that I’m the only one without somebody who loves me to pieces.
“Well… Maybe you can have that with Declan. He seems like a nice guy. Who, you know, also happens to be fantastically handsome and an amazing kisser.”
“I don’t know.” I sigh, hating how indecisive I feel. “I just wasn’t ready, you know? To be really vulnerable, I mean. When I look at you and Tony, you guys are totally defenseless against each other. It’s like that Star Trek show that Court and Pascal like so much. You’re like spaceships with no shields against each other. But when you’re together, you have this super shield against everyone else.” I make a circle with my hands. “Like this. With you two inside.”
“Couples do tend to be very open and vulnerable to each other,” Ivy says. “If they want to stay together, that is. It’s work.”
“It is, but do you know you’re supposed to be with a guy who loves you more than you love him?” It’s practically a mantra in K-romance novels.
Ivy looks at me like she doesn’t understand why anybody would want to do that.
I add, “Otherwise you’re going to have what my poor sister-in-law has.”
Ivy doesn’t probe. She knows my family can be complicated. “So you’re going to wait for him to lower his shields?”
“I…guess…?” There’s a huge amount of uncertainty running through me at the moment. “He has eight weeks to do it.”
“My God, Yuna, you have no clue what you want.” Ivy shifts to get more comfortable, putting a hand under her cheek. “What do you think is going to happen if you let yourself be open to…possibilities with Declan?”
I shrug helplessly. “I don’t know… Maybe my mom will try to pay him off…?”
Now Ivy’s staring at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Pay him off? To do what?”
“To leave me. She’s done it before,” I grumble, hugging myself. I usually laugh it off, because what else is there to do? But on very rare occasions—like now—it makes me depressed that men who claim to like me can be bought off to dump me instead.
Ivy’s jaw slackens. “She did?”
I nod, feeling slightly chilled. “And the guy took the money. It was humiliating.”
“That bastard.”