“I messed up,” I start, then sit in armchair, wishing I could drink something stiff. But I don’t think Tony keeps alcohol in the piano room, and I don’t feel like hunting down a drink in this castle.
“It can’t be that bad,” he says slowly, automatically reaching out to hold his wife as she sits next to him.
Ah, Tony. I run both my hands over my face, then through my hair.
“Stop ripping your hair out,” Yuna says, sitting on a bench to my left. “Bald isn’t a good look for a man your age.”
I know she’s trying to make me laugh, but it doesn’t work. After dragging in a deep breath to gather myself, I tell them what happened, wincing inwardly every time I hear how ridiculous my actions sound.
Tony’s jaw sags, while Ivy is staring at me like she doesn’t recognize me anymore. Yuna is the one who recovers first from her shock.
“Oh my God! That’s horrible. But you told her you didn’t mean it, right? You told her you love her already, didn’t you?” she demands.
“No.” The admission comes slow, a Herculean effort to drag that word out of me because it’s gradually dawning on me that I screwed up worse than I thought.
“No you didn’t tell her you didn’t mean it, or no you didn’t tell her you love her yet?” Tony asks.
“Both,” I say, sitting rigidly because I want to squirm, and I refuse to allow myself to do so. I need to regain some semblance of control before this brewing panic overtakes me.
Ivy shakes her head. “Edgar—”
“Edgar Blackwood, you’re an idiot!” Yuna shrieks. “I can’t believe this!”
Her piercing tone is enough to make me wince. “What’s so unbelievable? Did you think I was in love with her?” Love wasn’t something I ever sought out, and I assumed that was obvious to everyone.
“Of course! I thought you just hadn’t figured it out yet because you’re a man.”
Tony looks like he might want to object, but keeps his mouth shut.
“I never told anybody I loved her. I was honest,” I say. I don’t play games—that’s Mom’s forte—and I try to be upfront about what I can offer whenever I start a relationship.
Ivy has a peculiar look on her face, like she’s watching a poorly plotted high school drama. “Ed—”
“Edgar.” Yuna shakes her head. “Do you know why I haven’t gotten married yet, even though my parents are trying their best to set me up?”
“Because you don’t like merger marriages?”
“Yeah, but that’s not all. It’s just an easy reason to throw out.” She sighs the sigh of a weary, wise woman ready to explain the ways of life to a clueless and rather slow-witted youngster. “My parents respect and love each other. They put each other first, and they have a happy life together. The men my mom sets me up with? They’re fantastic on paper. Rich and ambitious. Well connected. Handsome, even. The kind you might introduce to your single girlfriends.”
“So what’s wrong with them?” I ask.
“They’ll never love me. They’ll never make me their priority. I’ll always be an afterthought—just somebody they married because it was good for business.”
“I’d never do that to Jo,” I say.
“Really?” Yuna grows thoughtful. “People either want what their parents have, or reject it outright. Which one is Jo?”
“She wants what her parents have.” Hell, even I want what her family has. And I thought I could have it while staying levelheaded.
“Then she won’t have you if you can’t give it to her. And based on what you said…you can’t.” Yuna looks at me sadly. “Maybe you should let her go.”
“I’m not abandoning my child!” How can Yuna even think that I wouldn’t be there for my kid?
“Why not?” Yuna shoots back. “Because you want a Father of the Year Award?”
I stare at her, insulted. Is that what she thinks this is about? “I don’t give a damn about that!”
She snorts. “Look, that kid’s going to know you don’t love his mother. He’s going to know your involvement is out of duty. Jo’s a great girl. She deserves better than what you’re offering. She deserves a man who loves her, and her baby deserves a father who’s around out of love.” She grabs her purse. “Anyway, yes, I’ll go check on Jo. And I’ll do it because I like her, not because it’s some kind of duty.”