Chapter 1
"I can't believe we're out of flour," my mom said as she moved a few things around in the cupboard. It was the second time she had scoured the cabinet in search of an ingredient that was clearly not there.
"I really don't mind going to get it," I said again. I had already grabbed my jacket after the first time she mentioned there was no more flour. "Is there anything else we need?"
"I don't want you to have to go out on Christmas Eve. I'll just make something else."
"Mom, I really don't mind." I grabbed my purse and my car keys. I needed some fresh air. I wasn't sure if I could stand another minute in the house without screaming. Making Christmas cookies right now sounded like a nightmare.
"Did you want your father to go with you? Or maybe Izzy..."
"Nope. I'll be back soon." I quickly walked out the front door before my mom could finish her thought. Most of all, I was trying to get away from my little sister, Izzy. When I closed the front door, I sighed and leaned my back against it. Izzy hadn't come home for Christmas ever since she graduated from college a few years ago. But this year she was back. With a surprise fiancé, no less.
I was happy for her, I really was. But it was hard. I had been engaged last year to who I thought was my soul mate. I had fallen head over heels for Brendan. We even finished each other's sentences. What I hadn't realized was that when he wasn't finishing my sentences, he was fucking his secretary. I told my family that I had dumped him, but I never told them why, because it was embarrassing and mortifying. I still couldn't seem to process the fact that I wasn't enough for him.
Seeing Izzy so happy was great. But my mom wouldn't let me hear the end of it. She kept telling me I had let one of the good ones go. That Brendan was the best I would ever do. And just hearing that made me want to cry. Of course my mom didn't know he was a dick, but it made it seem like she thought I deserved to be cheated on. I had always been irrational when I was upset. And I was so sick of feeling sorry for myself. I would have been more prepared for everything if Izzy had bothered to give me a heads up. As it was, I wasn't ready.
I had dated Brendan for five years. I was used to bringing him home for Christmas. My friends kept setting me up with random guys to try to get me to move on, but it wasn't working. I was starting to think I'd never feel that spark again. I couldn't even remember if I had felt it with him. Everything seemed to be going to so well and now I just felt completely lost. I had never felt more alone than I did this Christmas.
I pulled my keys out of my purse and walked down to my car. A light snow had just started to fall. Nothing seemed more magical than snow on Christmas Eve. I wasn't feeling it tonight, though. I had somehow turned into a Grinch overnight. I climbed into my car and put the key in the ignition before I had even closed the door. It was freezing and I wanted the heat to kick on as soon as possible.
I closed the door, buckled my seatbelt, and pressed my foot on the gas. There was a grocery store only a few minutes away that was open 24 hours, even on Christmas Eve. I turned out of my neighborhood. There weren't any other cars on the road. Everyone must have been tucked in their houses happily celebrating. Not me. I looked out the side window as I drove past my high school. Seeing it made my chest feel tight. When I went off to college, I so badly wanted to make something of myself. I had been such a nerd in high school. My ten year reunion was next year and I didn't want to show up alone. I wanted to show everyone that I wasn't a loser anymore.
My heat seemed to finally kick on as I parked the car in the parking lot of the grocery store. There were only a few other cars, most likely employees. I pulled my coat tightly around myself as I walked up to the store. The first door was locked, but the second one I tried was open.
"Merry Christmas," a lone woman at the cashier stand said in a not so merry tone.
"Merry Christmas," I said and grabbed a basket. From one Grinch to another. The first thing I did was find flour, and then I wandered into the wine isle. If I was going to survive the next few days, I was going to need a lot of wine. I grabbed one bottle and made my way down the aisle. Or maybe something stronger would be better.
"Julia Wild."
I turned around to see who had said my name and I had to focus on not letting my jaw drop. My high school crush. The one that I always day dreamed about in class. The one that I thought didn't know I existed. I cleared my throat. "Tucker Mills?" I felt like I was transported back to high school. Was he seriously talking to me? I looked around but there was no one else in the store. Especially not with my name. I was so glad that I hadn't changed out of the nice skirt I had worn to church. Otherwise I'd be wearing ridiculous Christmas pajamas right now, and that would have been an absolute disaster.
He smiled and walked over to me. "You know, I always thought you had the coolest name in our class."
Really? I laughed. "Well, you were the coolest person in our class." Why did I just say that? I'm so lame.
He smiled again and looked down at my basket. "Flour and wine? What are you making?"
"My mom is making Christmas cookies. And I'm just trying to survive the holidays. But I'm probably going to need more wine than this."
"That bad, huh?"
"I'd say I'd need at least two bottles a day to survive." He looked even more handsome now than he had in high school. He was wearing nice jeans and an expensive looking wool coat. He had clearly made something of himself. His brown hair was now smoothed to one side, making him look sophisticated and more grownup than I remembered. But he still had the same heartwarming smile and piercing brown eyes. Those two things hadn't changed at all. Except that they were currently directed at me.
"So your plan is to get shitfaced for the holidays? That sounds fun. But it doesn't sound like you at all." He smiled again.
I wasn't really sure why he remembered my name, let alone remembered that I had never gone to a high school party. I was too busy studying. Or maybe I was too busy not being invited. Tucker and I had a few classes together, but we had never even talked. "Well, Tucker Mills, I don't think you ever knew me that well."
He shoved his hand that wasn't holding his basket into his pocket as he stared down at me. "Not as well as I wished I had, no."
I swallowed hard. What did he mean by that? I laughed awkwardly. "Yeah. Well..." I let my voice trail off as I looked at one of the bottles on the shelf.
"You know, if you're looking for something good, you should try this." He grabbed a bottle off the shelf and handed it to me.
"Are you a wine connoisseur now?"
He laughed. "No, I wouldn't say that exactly. But I think it's pretty good."
"Okay, well, thanks." I looked down at the bottle. Mills Winery. My eyes darted back up to his. "You own a winery?"
He smiled. "You don't seem to know me that well either, Julia Wild."
"Touché." I put the bottle into my basket. "So why are you out on Christmas Eve?"
His phone started buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked down at the screen. "Sorry, this'll just take a second." He slid his thumb across the screen.
"No, it's okay. It was nice seeing you, Tucker. Merry Christmas."
"Mills," he said into his phone and put his finger up, signaling that it was just going to be a minute.
"It's fine," I mouthed. I waved and turned
away from him. It felt like my heart was beating out of my chest. I hadn't seen him in, what, nine years? I never would have thought he'd remember me, let alone go out of his way to talk to me. I grabbed a box of Cheez-Its before walking up to the checkout. Maybe eating a whole box of those tonight would somehow make me feel better. I placed everything from my cart on the conveyer belt. The woman gave me a lame smile as she scanned the items. I didn't blame her for not being cheery. Working on Christmas Eve probably wasn't what she asked for from Santa.
I looked over my shoulder before I pulled out my credit card. I was kind of hoping that Tucker would have tried to come after me. How many times had I dreamed of that? Him running up to me and confessing that he always loved me? I laughed silently to myself. I wasn't in high school anymore. That idea would always just remain a dream. Tucker was just being friendly on Christmas Eve. That's what people did. He was just a nice guy. And he had made my Christmas Eve better. He had distracted me for five minutes from my mom's nagging.
I picked up my bags. "Merry Christmas," I said as cheerfully as I could muster to the checkout woman.
She smiled. "You too, hon."
Hopefully my sincerity had made her night a little better. I didn't want to be a Grinch. That wasn't me. I always loved Christmas. I glanced behind me once more, but Tucker was nowhere in sight. The quarterback of the football team never liked the nerd. The successful winery owner probably didn't fall for the girl who couldn't even keep her fiancé entertained either. I shook my head. It didn't mean I couldn't enjoy the thought of it happening. I had sure thought about that happening enough in high school.
When I walked outside, I was surprised to see the parking lot covered in snow. I needed to get home before it got any worse. I put the groceries into the front seat and grabbed the snow scraper. Now that I was alone again, I wished I was wearing those Christmas pajamas. The snow landing on my legs made me shiver. At least I was wearing thigh-high boots. When I finished scraping the snow from the windows, the first few windows I had done were already almost covered again. It was really coming down. I quickly got into my car, brushed the snow off my legs, and started the engine.
The engine made a few weird noises, but eventually turned on. My car hated the cold. Most old cars did. I put the car into drive and put my foot onto the gas. But nothing happened. "Shit." I pressed my foot down on the gas again. I could hear my tires spinning. There must have been ice underneath of them. "Great." I'm sure I had learned something about this in driver's ed, but that was years ago. I had no idea what to do. I pumped my foot on the gas pedal, but that didn't do anything either. Is pumping the gas even a thing? Maybe it's pumping the breaks. But that's to keep the breaks from locking up in the rain...
Someone knocking on my window made me jump. A hand swiped through the snow. Tucker Mills was standing outside my car staring at me. My heart starting beating fast again. I fumbled with the buttons on the car door until I found the one to lower my window. The sheet of snow that had built up on my window while I was screwing around trying to get the car to move fell right onto my lap.
"Car trouble?" he said.
"Yeah." I brushed the snow off my legs and onto the car floor. "There must be ice under my tires or something." He looked so sexy with small flakes of snow falling on him. I had the sudden urge to run my fingers through his hair. What is wrong with me?