"If you are referring to dancing? Yes, isn't this nice?"
He leaned down to kiss me. I wanted to forget about Austin and I needed to forget about Professor Hunter. I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him closer as he kissed me deeply. His hands slid down from my waist and grabbed my ass.
“Stop,” I said. “I don’t need to hear about Tyler’s hands on my wife’s ass, I’ve already read it.” Hearing about Tyler right this second wasn’t helping. I was already a little pissed off about Penny’s favorite movie revolving around him.
“See. You’re angry.”
“Because you’re reminding me that she used to have her hands all over someone else.”
“Everyone has exes, James.”
“Not ones that they don’t remember passing on.”
“Aha. The root of the problem. What, are you scared that she’s going to go back to him? He’s married, remember?”
“It wouldn’t be the first time someone cheated on someone else. It happens all the time.”
“Aha! So this goes back to your first wife cheating on you.”
“Would you stop saying ‘aha’ like this is actually a breakthrough?”
“Then just talk to me…”
“And say what? That I’m scared Penny will never remember? That I’m scared I’ll have to go through the rest of my life in this fucking terrible numb state? That I’m worried I’m going to lose my son too? That when I think about everything I can’t breathe?”
She stood up and hugged me.
I hadn’t expected her to do that. For a moment, I stayed still, hoping she’d just let go. But when I finally forced myself to hug her back, I felt a sense of relief. When was the last time someone had tried to comfort me? That wasn’t fair. Tons of people had tried to comfort me when Penny was unconscious. But I had pushed them all away. Because that’s what I did. I couldn’t lie though, it felt really nice to be hugged.
“That’s a good start,” Melissa said and smiled up at me. “Tell her those things. Be real instead of suave.”
“Trust me, I haven’t been suave.”
“You’re always suave. It’s kinda your thing.”
I laughed.
“Oh my God, did I just get you to smile?” She leaned closer. “Yup, you’re officially smiling. See…doesn’t it help to talk?”
I sighed, but it was just for show. “Sure.”
“This is what girls do,” she said and sat back down on the couch. “We talk everything out. So pretend you’re a girl for a few minutes and chat with me.” She patted the couch beside her.
“This is a ridiculous exercise.” But for some reason, I found myself sitting down.
“So you said you were scared she’ll never remember. Let’s say the worst happens and she never does. What then?”
“Then…nothing. There is no me without her.”
“You’re being a little dramatic, James. Good job, you’re really finding your inner woman for this chat.”
I wasn’t being dramatic. I was serious. If Penny never remembered me, my life was over. I couldn’t keep going without her. I thought of Scarlett upstairs sleeping peacefully and of my son attached to all those machines. If I gave up, I’d be letting them down. I knew that and yet…how could I keep going?
“But really,” she said. “What would you do?”
I ran my hand down my face as I leaned back on the couch. “I don’t know, Melissa. Does Penny leave me in this scenario?”
“Yeah, I’m talking worst case. She doesn’t remember and skips town again because she can’t stand you. What’s your plan?”