“Wife?”
He suddenly spun her to face him. It was so quick that her breath hitched when her chest collided with his. His blue eyes were sharp, as if he were trying to penetrate her mind.
“It’s too crazy.” She shook her head. “If your first wedding was strange …”
“It will be strange, for everyone but us,” he said, holding her gaze.
She huffed a chuckle. “Maybe I should ask Avery to be my maid of honor.”
“That would be bizarre, not strange.” He chuckled. “But I’m fine with strange. I never meant for my kids to be half-siblings as well as second cousins, but there are worse things.”
Her chest felt too tight for her heart all of a sudden. “You thought about us having kids?”
“I thought about us having everything, Jane.”
He held her gaze as if he wanted her to see it all in the blue pools of his eyes.
She had never allowed herself to think those things, and if a thought did infiltrate, she killed it. She hadn’t told him about the IUI. There wasn’t much to tell. With everything going on, she hadn’t done anything about it. Having Finn’s children ... If only …
“You know how many times I asked whoever is up there why it wasn’t you who got pregnant?” he asked as if he read her mind.
“You don’t need God for that. It’s simple. I was on the pill.”
“You know what I mean.”
She knew. She had been willing to make a deal with whoever was up there to switch places with her cousin.
“I want it all for us, Jane. It’s not too late.”
“Me, too.” Why did those true words sound like a lie? The first part was true—she wanted it all with him. But the second part … she wasn’t sure that it wasn’t too late, that the past wouldn’t ruin the future they wanted. She couldn’t imagine their family, especially Avery, coming to terms with such a change in the family dynamics—she married to Finn, instead of Avery? Avery wouldn’t let her have it.
Maybe he could read the hesitation on her face or voice. “Jane,” he said in a don’t back out on me tone. “I don’t take this lightly. But I trust you, and I trust my kid. You’re the only ones who matter. The rest will have to deal with it, including Avery.”
“I hope so.” She huffed a breath. “We’ll tell them. Soon.”
Finn leaned his forehead against hers. “I just want to be done with it. Waiting for the starting gun to go off is the hardest part.”
She kissed him then. There wasn’t a birthday present she wanted more than Finn’s love. Not just a piece of his broken heart delivered once yearly through a birthday card in the mail, from a distance of miles and consequences. But his love—graspable, attainable, hopeful, heart, body, mind, and soul. She gave him hers in return.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“It looks good here, but not for five hundred,” she said much later when they lay askew next to each other, naked on his rumpled bed. The Swimmer hung on the wall opposite them.
“Is it me?” he asked.
“No. And yes. I mean, it’s not you, but why else would I choose a swimmer?”
“You’re so obvious.” Finn chuckled and rolled over to lie on top of her. Their bodies were still slick with sweat. He began kissing her.
An incoming message pinged on her phone, and her heart lurched. She shimmied from under him and reached for the device.
She read the text and texted back, which wasn’t easy, given that Finn was busy kissing her shoulder. She then slid the phone onto the nightstand.
“What happened?”
“My mom just sent me a picture of a cake they made for me and wrote that it’s too big for the three of us and that maybe we could invite everyone. I wrote that I had other plans for them. I don’t want everyone there.”
Finn looked at her. He knew who everyone was.